Who is he?

As cold as ice..

The happiness I'm feeling, I prayed that it won't end. But nothing is FOREVER.

He visited us again in Manila. He stayed with his bestfriend. I know that he will be coming over but not to stay but to do some requirements for his new job. I know I don't have the right to demand, there's no us. But it's as if I'm the only one eager to see him. I can feel that he's content that we're only texting or talking on the phone. I always ask when will he be visiting me again. He would always answer, 'Let's see'. I know that it takes time and money whenever he goes to Manila but I want to be with him for as frequent as possible. I am so afraid that we won't see eachother again I want to grab every opportunity that I may have.

December 15, when he said he will be going somewhere in Manila to fix papers. I asked if he will be dropping by at his bestfriend's house even for like few hours. He said no. Then I was like beginning to get pissed. When I can't contain my anger anymore, I texted him and said 'Let's just stop whatever it is that we have'. He didn't reply. That makes me more mad. All of a sudden a guy who used to court me texted me and asking me for lunch. Then I think for awhile if I would come. Am I cheating when I say yes? Or if I say no, am I being too loyal to a guy who's not even my bf? I chose Yes.

We had sbarro for lunch. Then just a short chit chat and I headed home. I texted my friend and tell everything what happened. She was just listening. Then maybe when he can't pretend anymore, he said 'Okay, okay. I'll tell you the truth. MJ texted me and he's at his bestfriend's house. He asked me not to tell you because you might get mad'. 'He also asked me to have few drinks later'. Mad? Why would I? That's what I wanted, to see him. Then suddenly he texted 'Let's have drink later?'. 'I am at Ry's house'. I asked 'When did you get there?'. 'Just this afternoon' he said. Grrrrr!!! I want to nag him but I couldn't. I want to reply and say 'I asked you earlier if you will be dropping by, you said no.'. 'Then here you are already here without telling me.'. 'And you preferred to tell my friend first?'. But I kept my calm, I swallowed my pride instead.

When I got there, they're already drinking. It was 5 of us first then some of his friends came later on. The sad part about this whole drinking crap is we didn't talk, at all. Maybe we are sitting beside eachother, but we are not talking. I tried breaking the ice by handing him the earrings that I bought few days ago. What he did was, he took it and place it on the chair. Then later on he brought it out of the box and hand the box to me. Then he wore the earrings. I know something's wrong and if what it is, I don't know. I'm beginning to get cold treatment and I don't know why. I'm beginning to get embarassed by the way he's treating me. Oh! He's not mistreating me, he's ignoring me.

I got drunk fast. That's why I asked Ry if I can rest for ahwile anywhere in his house that he will allow me. I just want to get sober then I'll be alright. I didn't realise that I have fallen asleep. Then my friend went up to check up on me. We talked but I was too drunk to remember what was the conversation all about. All I know is it was about him. My friend left to drink again, and I fell asleep again. After maybe an hour, it was MJ who's now checking up on me. It felt sweet but I know he's just did that because someone told him to do so. Little did I know that MJ and my friend have talked about me. What he said, I found it out few months after he left for states.

I woke up feeling ok, not drunk but sober. They have agreed to go to my friend's house and continue drinking there. when we got there, we're still not talking. I went inside to the living room to rest again. I was hoping that he would check up on me but no. I went outside instead and drink again. When it ended, they all want to go home already. But I stopped MJ. We asked my friend if we can stay and sleep over. MJ refuses. I understand why he did. Respect. We just left and don't know where to go. Until we have decided to check in one of the motels near. We cleaned ourselves and brushed our teeth. Then we made love. Yes. Made Love and not Sex. Because for me even if we don't have a formal relationship, he did it with Intimacy. That not for once did I experience with Mike. We stayed only for 5 hours and he ask me to go home already. When I got home I didn't even get the chance to sleep. Because I was not sleepy at all.  I want to remember what we did and how I have enjoyed it. This is the first time that weade love without sneaking and on a bed just the two of us.