The truth of it all- Denki Kaminari Angst

37- Attempt

Kaminari pov~

The second we entered Keigos apartment I immediately speed walked straight to my room, quietly closing the door with a soft click. I had insisted that we walk to his place instead of flying, I hadn't really waited for an answer before leaving the school campus, but no one had stopped me anyway. Aizawa sensei had kinda just left half way, muttering that Bakugou had been blowing up the common room and telling Tokoyami to go with him, my classmate swearing on dark shadows life that he wouldn't tell a soul that I'd been here.

I don't know why I let Monomas comments get to me, I guess its just that he normally says them to my face and my protective barrier I usually had wasn't there any more.

Too much shit had happened all at once.

Too much.

It had been fine!

Everything had been just fine!

Yeah sure minus the panic attacks, the cuts, the jeering, the... well the list just goes on and on but everything was fine!

If only I hadn't flinched so hard when Aizawa sensei had called my name.

If only I hadn't let my mask drop in front of my classmates.

If only I hadn't gone to the teachers lounge.

If only I hadn't had an anxiety attack during the training exercise.

If only I had been more careful and actually tried to keep my mask up.

My breathing picked up and my eyes filled with tears, but I just pulled at my hair to get myself to stop being so pathetic.

I fucked up big time and I knew that!

God why was I so useless!

Why was I such a stupid loser?!

Why?

Just why was I cursed to live on this earth?

Why?

Why?

Why?

WHY?!

*drip* *drip*

I let out a shaky breath, my nerves still through the roof, but I wasn't here anymore.

Well... I was, but this was better.

Crimson liquid covered the tiled floor, I must have moved to the adjacent bathroom without even realizing it.

Was this my blood?

I looked down at my hand and for once I wasn't shocked.

I was... happy?

No not quite.

Numb?

Yeah that seemed more like it.

My entire body hurt and I had no recognition of what had happened, well that's my quirk for you! Randomly making me forget things.

I lifted my head but instead I felt my entire world tip and I fell onto the floor.

I didn't bother getting up, only just regesturing the clattering of metal on the floor and the coolness of the tiles.

I was so done.

I had fucked up too much, both recently and throughout my entire life.

It was my fault that Touka couldn't grow up to become a hero.

It was my fault that Gran couldn't watch her grow up.

I'm sure it was my fault as well that Mother left.

And it was certainly my fault that Father died.

It was my fault that the Forsters died, they had got to that shopping centre to buy me some new clothes.

It was my fault that my friends were getting hurt, if only I was stronger, then I could protect them.

I smiled weakly,  staring at the red covered floor, my vision quickly turning black.

This was a fitting end I guess.

A cowards death for a coward.

Little note to add- I have now created a discord server for this fic! feel free to join

https://discord.gg/JYhu64EP