The Perfect Prefect

Words That Don't Exist

"I'm sick of running out of breath
Explaining what is in my head
I don't know how to say out loud
I wish that I was dead
Since I was young I only bleed
In languages that nobody speaks
What you can't feel can still be real
I'd kill to make you see

I'm on my deathbed and no one knows
Til someone can crack this code
I'll be writing on my wrists
All the words that don't exist
I'm In a place you will never find
Til somebody learns to read my mind
I'll be hanging off the edge of this
All the words that don't exist"

I sat down on the floor of the bathroom and turned my iPod up as I listened to Words that Don't Exist by Citizen Solider. The words couldn't ring any truer than that song. My parents didn't know what they were doing to me by belittling me like that did every time that I went home. At school, I let people think my life was perfect but it wasn't. I pulled out the bottle of Firewhiskey and my anxiety meds, I never thought that I'd start to feel it quicker by taking  my meds with alcohol. I became very drunk within an hour of entering Myrtle's bathroom.

I started to feel very sick about halfway through the bottle. I crawled toward the first stall but didn't even get there before I started to throw up, I needed help but I didn't want it. I just wanted everything to end so that I didn't have to deal with my awful parents again.

Once I stopped getting sick, I tried to get up but felt worse and actually ran to the stall. I didn't hear when the door to the bathroom open but Myrtle must have gone to get someone to help because I soon felt someone hold my hair.

"NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE! I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!"

"Miss Tarrant, what did you take?" Professor Snape asked.

"Nothing...I took nothing!"

"DON'T. LIE. TO. ME! We both know you took something or you wouldn't be sick right now."

"PROFESSOR!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MYRTLE, I'm fine sir. I'll go back to my dorm now."

"You will do no such thing, you imbecilic Child! You are far too sick to be by yourself. "

"I....think....I'm....going...to...." I said before I leaned forward and threw up in the bowl in front of me.

Professor Snape rubbed my back as I continued to be sick. I was exhausted with life and just wished he would leave me to die. My luck had run out because he wouldn't let me. Even through my delusional state, I thought I could get away with not telling him anything but it was not going to be that simple.

I sank back about 20 minutes later and passed out against him. I knew I wouldn't hear the end of this because Snape would make sure I talked to him before I was allowed to go back to my dorm.