fire & ice | taegyu

10| i know i love you

song: 0X1=LOVESONG (i know i love you)  –tomorrow by together

10| i know i love you

"yah kang taehyun!" 

"babe let him go, he hasn't eaten for the past three days at all," soobin quickly intervened, trying to pull his angry boyfriend away from taehyun. 

yeonjun scoffed, "beomgyu wouldn't pick up my facetime calls and he finally responded last night. he looked ghastly, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he wanted to cry. if it weren't for my stupid modelling job across the continent, i would have came the minute he declined my first call." 

soobin gently stroked yeonjun's back as he put as much space as possible between the bodyguard, now ex-bodyguard, and yeonjun. 

"he must have done something!" yeonjun snarked as he shot a sharp glare in taehyun's direction. 

"i don't know what i did okay?! so if you have anything to tell me spit it out to my face!" taehyun's voice thundered as his already injured fist slammed down on what was left of the broken table. 

yeonjun flinched in surprise while soobin tried to ease the rising tensions in the room. soobin couldn't bear to look at his best friend, who looked nothing like his usual charismatic self. 

taehyun's hair was all over the place indicative of how much the man has nearly plucked out all of his hair with numerous self-deprecating thoughts running through his mind. his crisp white shirt had gotten all wrinkly, the slight blood stains tinting his shirt a deep maroon. 

taehyun's eyes were red and sunken in, probably due to the amount of times the man had silently cried. he was pale almost borderline ghostly-looking from the number of meals he had skipped. 

yeonjun voluntarily met taehyun's stare, not shying away from his gaze. "you, you were the problem since the beginning. fuck, if i knew beomgyu was going to fall so hard..." 

yeonjun trailed off but the implied meaning was there. i would have never let him meet you. 

soobin clasped yeonjun's hand gently signalling his boyfriend to continue speaking. "yah he could only go through so much. you humiliated him, then you played him-pushing and pulling and talked shit about him behind his back–" 

"when did i talk shit about him?" taehyun asked softly, confused. 

"that day when soobin had come over here, he overheard you two conversing and told me taehyun was completely trash talking about him." 

"he never–" taehyun's footsteps cut off soobin refuting yeonjun. 

yeonjun might not have recognised it but after knowing taehyun for years soobin knew just from looking at taehyun, he finally understood what was going on. now he wasn't so worried. 

"babe let's wait in the garden outside hm?" soobin coaxed his boyfriend, leading him out of the house, giving the other two the privacy they needed to fix their wrongs. 

taehyun gently knocked on beomgyu's door. no response. 

"beomgyu it's me. taehyun. i know that i'm the last person you want to see right now but i've got so much to say." pause. 

taehyun sighed, he wasn't expecting anything at all but for years he had just waited. he waited and waited so patiently for the perfect moment. 

but when would it come? 

that was the question that he had no answer to until now. such a moment was idealistic and hypothetical, it would never occur unless he fought for it. 

taehyun's ears strained and he heard the soft shuffling of feet and small breaths getting closer to the door but the door never opened. 

taehyun slid down to his feet, as he leaned against the door. 

"just listen to me please," taehyun let out but all he met was with silence. 

it's my turn to fix everything. 

"that time in the club. the first time you acknowledged my presence. i knew that you knew i was following you around for the entire week. but i saw the tease in your eyes. you know my eyes didn't even move away from you for a single second? fuck, it took everything in me to sit there and just watch. if i could, i would have shot the guy for having his hands all over you. 

then i met you at your place. you fought with your dad for your freedom, i couldn't blame you at all. but when i said we needed rules, i needed a boundary to be established because i knew if there weren't i might just fuck everything up. 

the first day we went to the company headquarters, i wanted to claw everyone's eyes out for staring. you were so pretty, so damn beautiful, that i wanted to lock you up so that i could be the only one who got to see you dress up so well. when i caught you with that coworker friend of yours, and you moaned so damn loud while looking at me. i felt that sick ego of mine inflate, watching you fucking squirm under my gaze even with that son of bitch leeching on your neck. 

when you used my hand to pleasure yourself, my mind went fucking ballistic. i just wanted to take, take and take. take all of you and send you into oblivion. when you whined for me, i just had to leave gyu. i never meant to make you feel humiliated. i needed to walk away, get myself under control. those ten minutes, i came so hard just imagining you..." 

taehyun clenched his fist as he tried to verbalise his next thoughts, "...then you got kidnapped. i went insane, drove like a madman down the streets. i needed to find you, i desperately needed to see with my own two eyes that you were okay. when that motherfucker degraded you and i saw the bruise on your face, i just shot him. 

i shouldn't have knowing the bullet could be traced back to my gun but i saw the fear in your eyes as you tried to be brave. i'm sorry for yelling at you the next morning. that night i wasn't angry at you gyu, i was angry at myself that it went so far out of hand. it was my responsibility. you were my responsibility and you disappeared under my eye. i couldn't live with that. 

i tried to help you not miss out on your friend's debut. it was childish of me when i could have just apologised to you but when you softly told me to stay when i shouldn't even indulge in such happiness after i nearly lost you the day before, i couldn't resist. i was so selfish, i wanted to be with you. just breathe your scent in. 

then suddenly you started distancing away from me, you no longer looked for me, hell you even fired me. then, you went on that date with mingyu and i realised i could never give you whatever you wanted in the world, no matter how badly i want to. but i'm jealous and selfish, that i just needed to pull you away from mingyu who could give you the happiness that i can't ever. 

i'm not asking for a chance because i've blown it all up every time. i'm not asking for forgiveness either. i just wanted you to know how sorry i am for everything. i'm leaving, for good this time. thank you everything beomgyu." taehyun spoke sincerely, as both of them delved into a small silence, separated by the door of beomgyu's room. 

i never regretted loving you beomgyu.  

–L