barlissa abbott elementary ship novel

barbaras pov

im glad that melissa seems like she'll try to help herself stop before it gets too bad. i'm proud of her, especially because with my depressive symptoms lately, i understand how hard it is to get better when it comes to your mental health. at first, i didn't understand. now, i most certainly do.
i feel as though with my depression, it's really not as bad off as well, anyone else. i still have to do things like ALL of the house chores, because my husband won't ever help me, which is apart of why we're fighting. you'd think these "simple" things would be more fixable, but they really aren't. and it's not like me not wanting to get out of bed, or even brush my teeth, and sometimes just eat cereal all day, is only rooted in the fact that i'm getting a divorce soon , if i could just pull up the courage to bring it up to my husband. i'm sure he wouldn't mind, at this point. it's also because of the fact that i used to be like this, a while ago. before i found god and my faith. recently, due to how bad everything has been.. no matter how hard i pray.. nothing ever works. we can't be happy together , we won't stop fighting. it's so stressful , i want to cry, yet i cant.
and i know everything seems to workout for a reason, but it doesn't feel like it rn. rn , i'm not even sure what i believe in. which, since first finding god and the christian faith
i never thought i'd question myself again. yet here i am. i feel so guilty about it, and i know that god has a plan for me, but rn melissa is the only thing that im actually able to consistently trust and believe in. she's always there for me. that's why, if anything happens to her, with this new occurrence , i believe i'll be at wits end.
im not one to open up abt these kinds of mental things on a daily basis , i normally have a discussion in prayer abt these, but i don't think that would help me very well right now. im considering talking to melissa abt this too, and not just the divorce. im not sure what she'd even have to say, but she's the only person i can even think of telling. im pretty sure work is the only thing that both me and melissa have , besides each other, that is keeping us alive rn, and making us get out of bed.