The Cracked Painting (ON PAUSE)

16 - A Little Hope

16 | A Little Hope

Ariá:

Hanging out at Chloe's house took my mind off of things. Things as in a 5'11 Italian that likes to bake and paint. Seeing him at dad's office took me by surprise but after that feeling wore off, I couldn't help but feel sad. What for? I didn't even know at this point.

He has every right to have a significant other. Who am I to try and control that when I'm simply someone new in his life. I had no right to be upset but I am. I'm absolutely dying inside because of it.

I can't tell if I feel resentment for his girlfriend or if I'm coming to terms with it. They say there are five stages of grief but out of the five, I've only felt three so far– Anger, Denial and Depression– and I feel that my next motion of grief is acceptance. There's no way I can bargain for anything.

I'm just not that type of person.

Like I said, there's nothing I can do about it so it's best to just put on my big girl pants and move on with life.

I was planning to stay the night but that would do nothing for me so I simply told Chloe I would be going home early and apologized if me leaving earlier than we had planned would cause any inconvenience. Chloe, being the understanding friend she is, gave me a hug and sent me on my way.

I got in my car and drove back home but my space in the driveway was taken by a familiar car. Leonardo's car. Even though I found a spot to park, I stayed inside the car for a few minutes just to prepare myself to see him again.

I took two deep breaths and decided that was enough. I got out of the car and walked to the front steps.

Whatever happens, happens.

I opened the door and it was surprisingly quiet. I saw no one until I walked into the kitchen to see Daniel and Leonardo leaving over something that was placed on the island counter. They were deep into whatever they were assessing with their eyes because they didn't even notice my presence.

Not until I tapped Daniel's back and being the drama queen he is, an ear piercing shrill echoed throughout the kitchen.

"WHAT THE HELL–"

I couldn't help but laugh. My brother always finds a way to make me laugh whether it was intentional. I looked through my blurry eyes and saw both of them looking at me.

One with a smile on his face and the other had a glare on his face.

I wiped away my tears of laughter and prepared myself to properly greet Daniel. I cringed internally when it clicked that I would have to greet Leonardo considering the fact that I've been ignoring him for the past week and half. It wouldn't be fair to him to continue doing so.

"Are you done laughing yet?" Daniel asked.

I nodded with a small smile on my face but it sort of dropped when I turned to address the guy beside him, hoping I can get the words out without guilt choking me. 

"Hi Leonardo!" I said but all I got was a wave and small smile before it slowly dropped to a certain look. One I didn't know how to describe. As dejected as I felt by his reaction, it was a start. A fresh start in which we would end up how we were before.

Right?

A little hope doesn't hurt anyone.

Trying to feel satisfied with the response I got, I walked towards the fridge for something to drink. My throat felt dry all of a sudden. Deciding to opt for water, I poured myself a glass and Daniel began to speak again.

"I'm going to assume you think your cousin sent this for you."

I saw Leonardo nod his head out of the corner of my eye. Wait, cousin? I turned around to face them and asked what was going on. Leonardo seemed as though he wanted to answer judging by the way his mouth opened and he sat up but Daniel beat him to it.

"To sum it up, Leonardo here doesn't have a girlfriend and this bouquet of flowers was left on our doorstep with a note for him."

I felt relief, guilt and paranoia flood through my being at those words. Relief because Leonardo doesn't have a girlfriend so my small crush on him wouldn't disrupt anything. Guilt because I've been treating him badly due to jumping to assumptions instead of asking him himself.

Paranoia because as I looked at the flowers, I realized that they were my favourite. Baby Breaths. Leonardo's cousin must've known these were my favourite but how does he know where I live? How did he know that Leonardo would have been here?

My eyes skimmed all over. To the bouquet, to Daniel, to the card on the counter facing downwards, to the glass of water in my hand. They skimmed everywhere until my eyes landed on Leonardo.

He stood there with a painful smile painted on his face.

I didn't feel when the glass slipped from my hands. When it shattered once it touched the floor. What I did feel was the guilt eating me alive as I stared right at him. With all these pieces coming together, everything began to make sense.

"I'm sorry."

And with that, I ran. I ignored the two voices calling for me and I ran upstairs and hid in my room. I can't hide in the comfort of my bedroom forever. I can't hide from him forever.

I can ignore all this. I'd make things worse. I can wait for this to blow over. It won't. I sat on the floor, my headspace a mess. I had no idea what to do anymore.

No, that was a lie.

I do know what to do. I just don't know how.