As The World Falls Down

I didn't do anything wrong

The music was blaring, the place was crowded with bodies, swaying on the dance floor, sliding between spaces to get drinks, kissing, moving against each other, conversing in small groups. Robbe had been tapping his feet to the music on the vibrating floor, chuckling with Moyo and Aaron, plastic cup in one hand. Jens was somewhere, probably flirting with some girl. At some point, Moyo and Aaron had seen some girls and was debating with each other over them. Robbe decided that he had enough for dance floor at the moment and went to sit on the sofas at one corner of the room. Not long after, somone dropped on the sofa next to him.

"There you are." Jens said.

Robbe grinned and raised his cup, the warmth of beer streamed into his blood, loosen up his mucles more. Jens was scooting closer to him.

"Where is Sander?" he asked a bit loudly over the music.

Robbe shrugged. He had texted him about the party tonight, but he didn't ask him to come with him, their silent unspoken agreement.

"I don't understand what's between you both."

That makes two of us.

"I don't know why you care that much." Robbe said conversationally, leaning his head on the sofa.

He felt the sudden presence of Jens's thigh against his. He turned his head to the side, finding Jens dark eyes, scattered with electric blue and red was travelling over his face, stopped on his slightly open lips. He was not sure what was happening. Is he drunk?

"Do you still like me, Robbe? Even just a bit?"

"Ehm, Jens.."

Jens was really close now, the side of his body and arm was pressing against him. He moved his hand, his forefinger trailed down the side of his face slowly to the side of his neck. Robbe was uncertain what he should do, Jens's eyes was fixed on his lips, his long, thick eyelashes and his rosy lips filled Robbe's vision.

He looked up, "I think I am jealous of him and your ex, you know."

What? "But, Jens, I thought you.."

"Why don't we find out?" Jens whispered close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol drifted to him.

Before Robbe could reply, Jens's lips had crashed on his, soft and pleasant, his hand cupping his face. It took a second before the surprise was over and Robbe moved away.

"Ehm, Jens, I am not sure what you feel, but, I love Sander.."

Jens didn't move from his position. "But, does he love you?"

Robbe didn't reply as he didn't know too.

"Why are you still hung up on him? If he doesn't want you that way, why keep waiting for him?"

I don't know. Jens was studying him, he took his face with his hands and when he kissed him again, Robbe didn't pull away. He opened his mouth and felt Jens's soft tongue, sweet lips, the sensation of his fingers on his neck, the warmth of his frame against him, it felt good. His eyes were closed and he was melting onto Jens, just skin and tingles. But inside his head, another memory emerged, the smells of charcoals and sandalwood, fire on his skin, ocean eyes. He was kissing Jens, beautiful and warm, but all he saw was Sander, what he heard was his laugh, what he knew was the hair woven between his fingers now didn't belong to the person he wanted. He felt something crept up on him, Robbe stopped and pulled his face away.

Jens opened his eyes and stared at him. "Ahh, I see."

"Jens.." Robbe didn't know what to say, whether his friend was actually serious or just drunk.

"It's chill, Robbe. I think I just want to know." He sounded casual. He reached for his cup on the table, gulped the contain down.

Robbe asked cautiously, "Ehm, are you drunk, Jens?"

Jens chuckled. "Yeah, a bit maybe, my fourth cup, I think."

"So, what you said just now.."

He chuckled again, "I don't know. Maybe I am just confused, we are close, you and I, and when you said that you ever had a crush on me, I started question things."

"Eh.. okay.."

"We are chill, though, right, Robbe?"

"Ehm, yeah.." Robbe started feeling uncomfortable for more than one reason. Something was bothering him, he felt the urge to leave.

Jens took his cup on the table, peered down the contain, shrugged and swallowed it too.

"I'll get more drink." Robbe hurriedly say for some excuse to leave, stood up and walked away.

He tried to sort out his feelings while moving through people. Why am I feeling upset? Like I did something wrong. He was standing by the beverage table, taking a swig from his new cup, when he realised what it was. He felt like he had cheated on Sander, even though he didn't. You couldn't cheat on someone you were not in relationship with, you couldn't cheat on your friend. He didn't do anything wrong, but the unease didn't want to go away. He turned around, and came face to face with the white-hair boy.

"Hey." Sander grinned.

Robbe swallowed the uneasiness down his throat. "You come."

Sander shrugged. "Having fun?"

Did he see me with Jens? No, no, he just comes, and why would he care? why should I care?

Robbe lifted his cup to his mouth and took another swig.

Sander stepped closer, looking at him. "Something wrong, Robbe?"

Why does he always notice? "Ehm, nothing. You want a drink?" Then he remembered, "Oh sorry I forget, you don't."

"It's fine." Sander took the cup in his hand, and took a couple swigs, looking around.

Robbe took the chance of Sander not looking at him to take a calm breath. I didn't do anything wrong.

Sander turned back to him. "You want to go somewhere else?"

"Where?"

Sander grinned. "You'll see." He put down the cup and gestured with his head. "Let's go."

Robbe started to follow him through the throng of bodies, but he lost sight of him in seconds. Then someone grabbed his hand and pulled him close. Robbe looked up to Sander's eyes, violet-green, the flickers of red and yellow of light caught on them, like the reflection of sky on the ocean's face, when it was dusk.

Sander said, "Don't let go."

Robbe clasped his hand back and smiled, "I won't."