Lost and Found (A Castle Fanfiction)

All For Him

The next day, after being able to dodge the two "I love you"s Rick stated toward Kate, surviving in absolute fear, she waited for Rick to wake the next morning in order to tell him what she had to tell him. Having already gotten showered and dressed, all up in the guest room, and after taking care of Alexis when she woke, making breakfast with her and then sitting down on the bar stool to talk about the day, Kate had fully prepared herself for what she thought was her only option. Rick came out, however, stiff from the fall and was wholly unprepared for what he was about to hear. Instead, he cluelessly commented, "Breakfast? Again? Kate, you really didn't need to do this."

The young girl breathed. "Rick, I- I got a call this morning. My apartment is cleared out. I can- I can move in today." Rick went silent. He didn't know what to say. She then continued, "I-... I have a friend who really wants to help me move my stuff from my dad's and- I've already taken the day off work. I- I know you have meetings this morning and this afternoon, so I said yes to Peter's offer and Maddie's going to help me out as well."

"So... you're really leaving today, huh," Rick questioned.

Kate swallowed hard, her pain in her chest a bit less than his, but far more guilt-ridden. "Yeah. I- I think it's for the best."

The writer tried, "You know, you could stay here. I mean, it's worked out well this past week, and- we love having you around."

"I know," Kate reluctantly answered, "But- this is what's best right now. I mean- it's too early to be moving in together and- I don't want to have Alexis thinking I'm her new mommy again."

Rick knew those were valid reasons, but said, "Do you really want to be doing all of this pregnancy stuff on your own, though? And- and what about when you go into labor? What about after the baby's born?"

She answered, "Rick, I'm- I'm only twenty-five weeks along. We still have four months before that's even an issue."

"But- I could help you. I mean, this end-term stuff can be really difficult and- I don't want you to have to go through that alone. Plus, you- you haven't slept through the night this entire time you've been here. Don't you want to- to have someone here when... that happens?"

Kate looked down in shame, knowing she wanted that, knowing she wanted to stay, but unable to overcome the fear inside. She looked up at him, and said, "I can handle it, Rick. I mean- this is just what's for the best."

"So, being on your own is what's best," Rick questioned in malice.

In the head she thought "It's certainly what's safest." Aloud she answered, "For now, yes."

The writer sighed. He couldn't change her mind. That was evident about her. But- he did say, "I think you're making a mistake, Kate, but I will support you. Just- please know that I'm a phone call away, and- our door is always opened to you. I'll get you a key some time today, so you can stop by- whenever."

She swallowed. "Alright."

He breathed out and shifted in place. He tried to fight the questions in his head, desperately just trying not to upset her, but the struggle was lost. He finally cracked. "I think- you're making a mistake. Look, I know this seems like we're moving fast, Kate. I know it seems like this is just- out of control, I know a week ago the world was completely different to both of us, but- I love you, Kate. Every moment I'm near you, I'm not close enough. Every second I'm with you, my world feels... complete. You- you have this way of just- making everything that should feel like the world is collapsing in on me feel like- this is what my life was meant to be. You- you make me smile by doing something as simple as pushing your hair behind your ear when you need just a moment to think about what you're going to say next. You make my daughter laugh like I've never seen anyone do for her before. Falling asleep, knowing you're in my arms is more perfect than any dream could ever try to be.

"I know that this is moving fast. I know that- everything is so different now. I know- it seems crazy to say all of this after less than seven days, but- Kate, I never once stopped thinking about you after we broke up. I never once stopped thinking about our time together. I- I wanted to see you every day, every time I woke up, and every time I fell asleep. All I ever wanted was you, Kate. And- I know a week ago our lives were on entirely separate paths, I know everything has changed, but- I don't care. I love you, Kate, and- I want to be here for you and our son. I love you, and- if that means anything to you, please, just- don't go."

Kate's body froze. Her fears rushed through her body, but- she couldn't react. The powerful beating of her heart against her ribcage only kept her from hearing anything, but no one was saying a word. She didn't want to hurt him. That was the last thing she wanted to do. But she couldn't live with him. She couldn't move in with him. If she did, it would mean admitting her feelings. It would mean opening herself up to him, proving to them both that he made her weak. He was a risk that she desperately didn't want to take.

But as his eyes stared into hers, as her hands combed over her stomach, she was reminded once again that this wasn't about her. It wasn't even about him. It was about their son. How could she possibly expect to raise him with Rick if she wasn't even capable of admitting that she loved her writer? How could she possibly be a good mother if she couldn't admit she loved his father? She was already weak in a way she would never want to give up. And if she was going to give her son everything she knew he deserved, everything she once had and now had lost, she had to be strong. She had to surpass the barrier that was holding her back. She had to tell the writer, "I love you, Rick. I- I love you."

He watched her eyes. It was obvious that admitting this was hard for her. For reasons he didn't understand, this was hard for her. But he didn't know what to say. So, he was silent. He was silent as he unknowingly moved toward her. He was silent as he mindlessly took her into his arms. He was silent as he held her, feeling her gripping him, her eyes lightly glazing over, filling with tears. He was just as silent as she was, the two of them just- silently holding each other. Through a rough voice, her final tear having already been shed, she told him once again, "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too."

"Yes. I would love to move in with you."

He laughed. "Now who's the crazy one?"

"Still you."