Affiction

4

Kiara's pov

"I don't know why she gets like this," I sniffed, following Colby out of her room and into ours.

"She's a tired toddler," He pointed out gently, "It's bound to happen,"

I did my best to dry off my face, hopefully stopping the flow of tears.

"She was crying for me. I don't understand why you didn't come get me," He said, glancing over at me.

"I didn't know you were home or else I would have gotten you," I replied.

"I was in my office. I only came over to take a shower before I have to go back out," He explained briefly.

"Well, communication hasn't been your strongest suit lately," I mumbled, taking off his hoodie that I was wearing and setting it on the back of our couch.

"I can't discuss some of my work with you, you know that," Colby shrugged, pulling out a formal outfit that he tends to wear if he has to go into the office.

"Yeah, but you can atleast tell me where you're going to be. You can't expect me to just parent our kid and have you only show up when she's having fits," I scoffed, turning away from him. "It's not fair to her and it's not fair to me,"

"You hardly parent her, Kiara," He stared me down, his icy blue eyes contained an irritated spark that was usually reserved for anyone except for me.  "Katrina is more her mother than you are,"

"What the fuck?" I gasped, pointing in the direction of Gabby's room, "I am with her every goddamn day, making sure she is taken care of and is happy.  And where are you when I do all of that?"

"Seems like you're doing anything but that," He replied, crossing his arms, "You dump her on Kat all day long and are only around when she wants nothing to do with you.  She's not happy, she's fucking miserable.  You're just too stuck up that you can't see it,"

"You're really one to talk," I spat out the words like it was a gross taste in my mouth, "You're hardly around anymore Colby.  She doesn't see you as a parent, she only sees you as someone who can save her when she messes up,"

"You are so much like your own fucking parents that it makes me sick," He insulted, and I could tell that he regretted the words as soon as he said it. "Ki, I didn't- I didn't mean it,"

"But you said it, yeah?" I asked, my voice croaking out as sadness hit me like a brick wall, "So obviously that thought came from somewhere,"

"I didn't mean it," He insisted, trying to get closer to me as I backed away.

"Colby, get out of my face, please," I demanded, holding my hands in front of me to guard myself from him, "Go get a fucking shower then leave,"

"I'm sorry," Colby almost looked sincere as he stopped moving, staring at me with an unreadable expression. "I love you,"

"No! Get out of my face," I repeated, pointing to the bathroom, "You don't get to insult my parenting and then try to make it up with meaningless words that I don't give a shit about!  Leave, Colby!"

He paused, opening his mouth as if he wanted to speak before shutting it again.  He did this a few times before abiding to my request, going to the bathroom and shutting the door.

I waited until I heard the shower water running before I broke down, tears blurring my vision so much I could hardly see to shut off the light.

I stumbled my way to our bed, curling up on the very edge of my side as my body shook and my nose ran.

I hated being like this, and I hated arguing with Colby over stupid things.  But he stepped over a line he knew I was sensitive about.

He knew how much I struggled since I gave birth to Gabby about what happened to my own family.

I regretted it, and I knew I would never forgive Colby for making me go to Florida with them, and he knows that.

But I know that I'm partially to blame, too.  I was the one that killed them, driven mad by my own anger and pain.

The pain was greater now.  How was I supposed to tell Gabby that I killed her grandparents and aunt?

They were the only family members she would ever have a chance to meet, and I took that away from her.

So for Colby to bring it up at all tells me I'm really doing something wrong.

I didn't think I was, I thought I was doing a pretty good job at being a mom.

I only let Gabby hang out with Kat to make her happy, but is Gabby starting to see me as more of a caregiver than a mother?

Surely, she'd feel the connection that I feel with her.  It would make sense, since she was in my stomach for nine months and I breastfed her for the first few months of her life.

Even if she can't remember it, she'd still understand, right?

I wouldn't know, but it was a thought I pondered over as I cried, emptying out all the liquid in my tear ducts.

Eventually, I heard the bathroom door click open, and I didn't care to open my eyes as I listened to the footsteps making their way across the room.

I felt the bed dip behind me, causing me to stiffen as I felt Colby's hand touch my side.

"Please just stop," I begged, as he unsurprisingly ignored my request.

He hushed me, easily pulling me off of the edge of the bed that I was clinging onto.

He placed me in his lap as if I weighed nothing, gently holding the side of my face so it was tucked underneath his jaw.

At first I had stiffened against his touch, hoping that he would just leave me alone for a little while.

Since he was fresh out of the shower, he smelled eerily cool, as if a dewy and sunny morning had a smell.  Almost masculine, not quite feminine.

If I told him so he'd stink up the room with cologne so that I wouldn't say such a thing, so I'd keep it to myself.

I didn't reach out, swing my arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder like I would have if someone else was the reason I was crying.

But since it was his fault, my arms stayed cross and then only thing between my torso and knees was Colby's other arm, which was bracing my body.

He held me like this until I eventually fell asleep.

Things like that never last, the affection he gives now so sparingly.

Which could explain why he was gone in the morning.