Affiction

6

Kiara's pov

I spent the day hanging out with Jillian and Gabby, keeping in mind that Colby believed I was a bad mother.

He wasn't even around half of the time to see what really happens. I treat Gabby better than my family ever treated me or my siblings, and Kavin would agree.

He'd agree if he knew Gabby was a human being, or even that she existed at all.

"Are you okay?" Jillian asked as I came into the living room with a tiny bowl of chips for Gabby, "I can see smoke coming out of your ears,"

"Your ex's brother is a pain in my ass sometimes, that's all," I explained briefly, setting the bowl down in my lap. "Here, Gabs,"

She reached up for a chip as Jillian responded, "That's your husband, you know,"

"Doesn't feel like it," I mumbled, keeping my focus on Gabby so I didn't have to make eye contact with Jillian.

"Have you ever tried talking to him about how you feel?" She asked, and I could tell she was trying to help but it wasn't effective.

"Of course not. He doesn't listen to me anymore, he's hardly even home and when he is he avoids me," I explained.

"Well, Devyn said I'd be working with him more so maybe I can figure something out for you," Jillian offered.

"No thanks," I chuckled, unamused, "I don't need you telling him I ranted to you about our problems,"

"You need to talk to someone," She pointed out, "And if it's not him then it'll have to be someone else. Keeping everything built up in your head is not healthy, Kiara,"

"I know it's not but there's no other choice for me at this point," I said, handing Gabby another chip.

"There's always another choice. You just need to try," She grinned, causing me to roll my eyes.

"What do I do, put on some lingerie and seduce him into loving me again?" I joked, causing Jillian to giggle. Gabby let out a little laugh too, but her focus was more on the TV than on what we were talking about.

"That's not the route I was thinking you would take," She responded, "And Colby does love you, very very much. Why else would he marry you?"

" 'Cause we were young and stupid," I guessed.

"Mid-twenties is old enough to know what marriage means," Jillian said, "Why can't you just talk to him like you're talking to me? You don't seem to have a problem with talking to me about what's going on,"

"Yeah but," I began before pausing and starting again, "You've known Colby longer than I have, so I thought maybe you could help me,"

"I am helping you," She said, "You're just not helping yourself. You're letting yourself fall and crumble into the duties you have here, as if you can dig yourself into your work and hope everything gets better when you can't feel anymore,"

I paused for a moment, taking in what she said.

Is that really what's going on here? 

I guess she has a point, I've been making my motherly duties distract me from what I needed most.

But I think I'm too far into that hole to get myself out.

Colby has been distancing himself, but I'm no better, right?

I have made very weak attempts to getting Colby and I's act together.

So why am I only blaming him for what we've done to each other?

I didn't respond to Jillian, giving her only a half-hearted shrug as an answer.

"Gotcha," She smirked as the front door chime rang through the house, "And guess who's home?"

I glanced over at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was nearly seven o'clock.

If what Corey said to Jake was right, then they were only a little later than they promised.

"Daddy's home," I sang, getting Gabby's attention as I sat her on the floor.

She was pretty skilled with walking, hardly stumbling and often taking it upon herself to crawl up the stairs if left unattended.

I followed her through the kitchen and down the hallway by the front door, where Sam, Corey, Devyn, and Colby were huddled, still deep in a gang-related conversation.

Once I caught sight of Colby, I scooped up Gabby and ignored the butterflies that made my heart pound.

Gabby, however, paid no attention to this and let out an excited squeal, which caught Colby's attention.

His face lit up, the most it ever does around other people is for Gabby.

Never has he been like that with me. Most of our relationship was behind closed doors, the only thing that his friends would ever see to prove that we were together was the rings on our fingers.

"Aw," Corey gushed, fist bumping Gabby, "Hi booger-bear,"

Jake and Corey have made it their mission to come up with the most random nicknames for Gabby, and she loved them all, even if she didn't really understand them.

"How was she today?" He asked me, his voice cool as he plucked her from my arms.

Usually Gabby would try and squirm from my arms, practically dying to see her dad. Now, even she seemed a little distant, staring at him with wide blue eyes.

"Good, like usual," I replied, twirling one of her pigtails before risking a glance at Colby.

His stare was blank, focusing on Gabby.

It was like he was a shadow of himself, not quite processing what was going on around him.

"Colby's going to have to take a break from working these next couple of days," Sam joked, nudging Colby.

A panicked look swept across his face before Sam elaborated, "His memory has been awful today. Can you believe that he didn't remember how to get to the conference room?"

"I have a lot on my mind," Colby shrugged in return, and he turned his head to the side to shoot Sam a warning glance.

Something about his side profile was different. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was until he turned his head back normal.

"Colby," I began cautiously, "Did you hit your nose on something?"

Colby's nose was normally small, a right triangle coming out of the side of his head. But now that I could focus on it better, there was a bump in the middle.

There was no sign of bruising or him being in discomfort, so he responded, "What are you talking about?"

"Hold on," I said, handing Gabby off to Corey before running down the hallway to where our wedding photos were hung.

I picked one where Colby, Sam, and the other boys were circled around the cake, slicing it down one of the sides.

I scurried back down the hallway and held the photo out for everyone to see, "Look, your nose is flat here. Now, it's not,"

I stared at Colby to see him completely blank-staring at the photo.

It was like he was on unfamiliar territory, because he clearly did not recognize where the photo was from.