Malina has had a crush on her best friend, Tytus, ever since they were kids, but Tytus has only ever seen her as a sister. While Malina is determined to fix this, the biggest obstacle in her conquest of love is her complete lack of facial expression...
The Eleventh Day of Saint Julian's Month, The Year of Our Lord, Hananiah Vendall, 3,906
I can't get that image out of my head.
Malina and myself, Marian and Ludwik, Anita and Teodor, Moa and Tobiasz, Anatol and Lubomiła (formerly Lubomir), Janick and Oskar, Horacy and Zenoniusz, Kondrad and Cyrprian, Linda and Katarzyna, Celina and Roksana, Julia and Ilona.
Our train stopped in one town or another. I already forgot the name Malina said, but it takes place at the foot of Peldor's Crown, and is the 'heart' of the Vistula River.
We all went out and had a good time in the city.
Horacy drank alcohol from some other planet and threw up.
Marian was oddly loved by the local birds.
Anita brushed Tobiasz's hair out of his face and the local girls kept hitting on him.
Ludwik was cheerful and kept talking to me. Did he get a letter from home or something? He was talkative, and I could tell he learned something nice. Maybe his sister is pregnant and he'll be an uncle soon. I could tell it had something to do with love.
Anatol and Lubomiła kept disappearing for minutes at a time. Out of respect for their privacy, I won't speculate further.
Janick is slowly falling for Ilona, big surprise there. Looks like her months of focusing on him is paying off. I'm readjusting my timetable, I think they'll end up together officially by the end of our first winter on Basugio.
Moa's glow made her out to be like a bug to the birds, and she was constantly being pecked at and attacked. Teodor's trained sixth sense kicked into overdrive as he kept blocking their swooping arcs. Naturally this made his brain tired, and he slept with Anita shortly after we got on the new train.
That's all the memorable things I might forget.
But now, that smile.
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Has Malina always been that cute? I've never seen her smile before. It wasn't a real smile, but it looked so good.
What's wrong with me? Every time I close my eyes, I see her set before that waterfall.
I know her eyes probably weren't that expressive, but I can't help but remember it that way. And I feel like the smile wasn't just from her fingers.
Am I going insane? I was feeling off all day, after that happened. I can hardly look her in the eyes, but my chest hurts every time she isn't close.
I think it was mostly the shock, and I might be proud of her.
We've known each other almost all our lives. She's always been my sister, though it was recently changed to 'shield sister'.
She's always had that dead face.
I tried for over a hundred years to fix her, but I couldn't.
The emotion she was trying to convey with that smile was happiness. Over our time together she has felt happiness and joy thousands and thousands of times.
I think that smile is affecting me so much because it's the culmination of nearly 200 years of context. Malina doesn't smile. She never smiles. But then, suddenly, she smiled.
Of course I wouldn't be able to get that out of my head.
But there's another thought too. It's more abstract, and painful.
Because Malina could replicate that smile, because she can show 'emotions' (it makes sense to think she could make a frown or a glare), than isn't that the only barrier to her getting a boyfriend? I'd be happy for her, of course, but it also pisses me off. To a degree.
I've thought about it a lot. I think it's a misplaced sense of ownership.
I stuck by Malina for so long. I spent so much time trying to bring out a face like that. Ergo, I'm the only one who deserves to see it.
This, obviously, ignores the fact that I ultimately failed to make her smile, and I gave up many years ago. But I can't help it, that's just how I feel inside. In my hearts, I'm taking credit for something I'm not really responsible for.
I mostly say this because it's morally right, not because I want to, but I hope she finds a man who can make her smile like that every day.
But when she does find a husband, I'll have to buckle down and get a wife.
I'd want a girl who's tall, strong, eats a lot, is quick to anger, but is also more on the reserved side.
It isn't lost on me that I'm describing Malina.
It's to be expected, I think. I've spent more time with her than I have my own mother, or any other girl. Or any other person, for that matter. It's natural to think my taste in women was mostly shaped by her.
Sadly, we can't actually get married.
Not only was she my 'sister' up until about a week ago, so that's gross, but I really don't have any romantic feelings for her. Rather than a potential love interest, she's like a warm sweater, or a sword. Strong, reliable, I wouldn't want to leave the house without her and I'd be sad if I lost her.
But I wouldn't want to kiss a sword.
Well, I never noticed how soft Malina's lips look, so that's a bad analogy. Regardless, me being obsessed with that smile is clearly more platonic than romantic.
And even if it was romantic, she doesn't share my feelings, so it's not worth thinking about anyway.
No, actually. Now that I think about it, if I had feelings for Malina, and she didn't feel the same, I'd just make her fall in love with me. That's an easy fix.
Oh well, this entry is longer than normal anyway.
I'll get that smile out of my head before long. If I don't, I'll just have to rethink things later.
