Thinking Of You

Chapter Five

After about a week after my one night stand with Connor, I’ve realized I’m not built to do a casual type relationship. The more I thought about the fact that he not only told Evie, but he apparently told Trevor on top of it. And in a small town like Winamac, word travels very fast. Evie keeps saying the paranoia phase pass with time, but just knowing the entire town could even possibly be talking about it makes me feel gross. I’ve gone to work and back, tried to occupy my mind with mundane chores, but I think the feeling is going to stay for a bit longer than I would hope for.

I made it home from work rather early and decided to make lunch for me and Evie. Grilled ham and cheese wasn’t hard to make but it was and still is one of our favorites. The smell must have woke her up because The second it was ready to eat she popped up in the entryway to the kitchen. “That smells fantastic”, she said rubbing her eyes, “I so need the calories right now”.  “How late did you end up working last night?”, I ask her while I handed her a plate. “It was pretty much one in the morning when I left”, she told me, “inventory night always runs late though”. We sat down on the couch to eat and watch TV while we figured out the rest of our day. She already had plans to meet up with Jesus and hang out, whatever that meant. She invited to go with them to Rochester, but I opted to stay home, do laundry. No use being a third wheel.

Evie left just after three when Jesus showed up to pick her up in his truck. She mentioned she’d probably be back by eleven, but I told her not to worry about me. I had no plans to go anywhere. I gathered up all the laundry, then realized I should probably do all the blankets and sheets too. I stared at the mounds of dirties and decided that I needed to go to the laundromat on the end of town. I got a few funny stares as I dragged several baskets of blankets and clothes to my tiny car. A few giggles escaped a little boy, maybe seven, when a pair of my panties fell onto the floor of the hallway. When I made eye contact when I picked them up, however, his face turned beet red. When he ran back to his mom down the hall I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. After a quick stop at Family Express for a fountain drink and change from the ATM I was ready for a long sit at the laundromat. Thank god for ear buds.

The laundromat smelled extremely clean. Like you could’ve eaten off the floor if you really wanted to. There was only one person besides me doing laundry today, which wasn’t that weird for a late Thursday afternoon. I took the twenty I got and turned it into quarters at the coin machine. I packed four washers worth of clothes and blankets and spent almost ten dollars. I picked a chair closest to the washers I was using and popped my ear buds in, scrolled through years worth of music ranging from high school me to present me. Linken Park seemed to be the tune of choice for whatever reason. The TV up in the corner continued to play the news on a seemingly endless loop, with subtitles. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t help but read them while I listened to my music. A couple more people showed up to use the drop off service. Kind of convenient, but I won’t use it. I’m too paranoid to leave my clothes and stuff with a stranger.

All of the washers finished one after another. I grabbed one of the wheeled baskets to get our stuff to the big dryers easier. Thankfully it only took two dryers to pack everything inside to dry. I heard the doorbell go off behind me while I finished pumping quarters into the second dryer, followed by a familiar voice. I turned my head slightly to see what Connor was doing. It sounded like he was picking some clothes up from drop off. I kept my back to him, hoping he would just get his things and leave, hopefully without seeing me.

My prayers weren’t answered. A tap on my shoulder told me he had in fact seen me, and unfortunately wanted to talk. I turned and tried my best to fake a smile. “Hey, long time no see”, I say. He tried to go in for a hug but I gently pushed on his chest to give him a not so subtle ‘no thank you’. He thankfully took the hint and backed off. “Sorry I haven’t called you, I’ve been pretty busy with work and other shit”, he tried to explain. “Save it Connor. I know what happened was a one time thing and that’s fine with me. So lets just forget about it”, I tell him. He tried desperately to seem shocked at my statement. “Jeez, where did that come from? What if I had come over here to try to ask you out again?”, he asked. I almost laughed out loud, “are you kidding? We hooked up and then I’m pretty sure you bragged about it to whoever. I’ve already decided that I’m not doing the whole fuck’em and leave'em thing, so if that’s what you’re wanting, then please leave me alone”. He almost tried to protest, but I guess the look on my face told him not to test me on the subject. “Alright, I can take a hint. I’ll back off”, and he started to back off. Right when I thought I was going to be left to my solitude, he turned back. “Look, if you don’t hate me too much, I am having a party at my place next weekend. If you and maybe Evie aren’t doing anything, feel free to come by”, he said, then put his hands up, “no strings”.

*

I folded all our clothes, put them in their respective places, and put the beds back together. All the while trying to decide if going to Connors party is a good idea or a completely bad one. I put a pizza in the oven for my dinner, flopped onto the couch, and flipped through channels until I happened upon my favorite movie, Planet Terror. I watched as zombies exploded and a barbeque sauce recipe get lost forever when the oven beeped with my pizza. I had eaten through over half my pepperoni pizza when Evie came through the door. “Hey, sorry I’m late. We went to the drive in and fogged up some windows”, she told me smiling. “No worries, I’ve just been flopped here most of the night”, I waved my piece of pizza at her, “pizza on the stove if you’re interested”. She seemed very interested as she pranced to the kitchen.

As she plopped herself next to me on the couch I figured I could at least ask her. “So I ran into Connor at the laundromat today”, I tell her. “Gross”, is all she says as she bites into the pizza. “He invited us to his place for a party next weekend. I’ve been trying to decide if we should actually go or not”, I explain. She grabs my plate and takes them both to the kitchen sink. “Are you sure you really even want to go? I mean he kinda acted like a dick to you. And he’s now slept with both of us, which is kinda weird all by itself”, she says. “I get that, but is it weird that I do kinda sorta wanna go?”, I ask her. She faces me on the couch, “maybe, but at the same time no”. Part of me wanted to continue trying to go out, but not solo. “So does that mean you’ll come with me? I really don’t wanna go alone”, I tell her. Evie sighed really hard. “Ugh, I guess we could go for an hour or two. But I really don’t want to stay until the ass crack of dawn”, she said. “No problem”, I agree.

*

Evie and I decided we were going to take Friday off to go to Connors party. Not that we really needed to, we had both had a shit week as far as work went so we decided we deserved a three day weekend. We made a day of getting ready for it. We took ourselves back to the salon so she could get her nails done. I, on the other hand, was over my hair color. While she got her nails polished to perfection, I got my hair colored black on top and red underneath. Evie was bummed out, “I really liked the purple though. You should’ve kept it”, she complained to me while the nail tech gave her pink gel nails. “I’m just over it dude”, I tell her while I sat with what felt like a thousand foils in my hair, “I wanna feel like me again, minus the mermaid hair”. About an hour and a half later, we’re both ready to go home to pick out outfits. We made our way down the sidewalk to my car, totally satisfied with how our looks came out. While Evie climbed into the passenger seat talking about what to eat for lunch, a familiar voice hit my ear. There was a group of guys standing just outside of Inksignia, the tattoo shop across the street. Something in my gut told me to scan the crowd, see who was standing there. I didn’t want to think the worst, but I would’ve known that voice if I had been drunk in a pitch black room. As soon as the red head turned around, I felt a punch in my gut. Trevor thankfully didn’t see me basically dive into my drivers seat. Even Evie jumped when a cannonballed inside. “Jesus Christ, what’s your malfunction?”, she asked me. “Apparently Trevor’s here”, I tell her as I started the car. She asked me where and I pointed across the street, “I just saw him go in the shop over there. I’m going straight home, fuck lunch”.

The panic that was building in my chest was starting to crush me. I tried my best to push it down so I could drive in a straight line. I put the car in reverse, pointed it towards the apartment. “Okay, stay calm. I don’t think he even saw you. You’re all good”, she tried to reassure me. But it was too late. I was already paranoid. By the time we pulled into the driveway I was ready to climb into my bed and hide under the covers. We got back in the apartment and sat in the living room. Evie could tell I wasn’t okay, but had to ask, “you don’t think Connor invited him, do you?”. “I couldn’t tell you”, I told her, “I don’t talk to him a even a semi regular basis anymore”, I tell her. She went and grabbed us a couple pops from the fridge, “do you even still wanna go out tonight? I get it if you don’t”, she assured me. I seriously considered staying in, but that would mean I was hiding. I didn’t want to hide. I had moved on, and since I hadn’t heard anything from Trevor in a while, I assumed he had finally moved on too. “No”, I tell her, “I’m going to continue living my life how I please. Fuck him if he doesn’t like it”. That made her at least a little happy. “Yeah, fuck him”, she said, “but if he does show up, if you wanna bail, we’ll leave. No need starting unnecessary drama”. I agreed to the plan and got up to go get ready. As I rummaged through my clothes I seriously started to wonder if I was about to make a huge mistake.