Brest - Thursday, 5th of October 2017
The Healer
This is the end of the world. This is the most dangerous place on earth. No weapons, no training, no magic can protect me against the death rate in this building, the high number of people who entered here and didn't come out alive. Only a fool would accept this mission, but I have no choice: I'm a spy, I'm #5, number five, The Runner, I work for the LSD (the Luxembourg Spy Department), ruled by #1, The Boss, who decides where I go to and what I do there. I have no choice. I have the blues. The blues will heal me when I get hurt.
The map of France is Charles de Gaulle, looking at the Atlantic Ocean: the north is his military cap, with Normandy as its visor, the Alps are his long rebellious hair, the Languedoc is his pain in the neck, the estuary of the Gironde is his disapproving mouth, and Bretagne is his long sharp nose, ending at Finisterre, the end of the world, and the only part of Gaulle that Julius Caesar could never conquer, thanks to Asterix and his brave friends, and thanks to Panoramix's magic potion that made them invincible. My mission is to find that magic potion, well, not exactly Panoramix's mix, but a similar, secret French formula, which will give Luxembourg invincible powers and make it the dominant country in modern warfare.
#1, The Boss, thinks this formula hides here, at the end of the world, in Brest, on the wart on the nose of General Charles, in the kitchen of the great-grandchildren of Panoramix: the laboratory of pharmaceuticals in the Academic Hospital, the most dangerous place on Earth. It gives me the creeps. Everybody knows how many patients only leave hospitals as the major attraction at their own funeral. I smell Death behind every corner.
Behind the next corner, I look Death in the eye: His cold claws choke the final breath out of a shaking, shocking, shivering body in a white cotton coat, crawling, puking and roaring like someone who gets electroshock therapy after a lethal injection.
No time to waste.
I kneel next to the man, check his pulse (it's running like crazy), his eyes (pupils wide, staring into that long dark tunnel with no light at the end), his respiration (not working), his mouth and throat...
Before my eyes, I see the letters POMAN ABBBS. When I learnt them, I thought «this is useless because you will never think of POMAN ABBBS in an emergency», but now, in this emergency, I know exactly what to do. POMAN's P stands for Personal safety. No action is required. I'm perfectly safe here. Other people's safety is no issue either. We're not under attack or in a fire. Mark the spot: room 472, pharmaceutical wing, Academic Hospital Brest. Alarm is next. I say to my spiPhone: "Lovely Sweet Dear. Call 112. Urgent medical assistance. This location. Action.", and the app will do the rest. The last letter is the N of Necessary medical help, the ABBBS, which stands for Air, Blood, Broken bones, Burnings, Shock. Air is first. Without air, every living creature dies within minutes. One quick move cleans his mouth. With the Heimlich grip, I remove the rest of the puke from the entrance to the lungs. He starts to breathe disgusting air. Lucky for him. Having the choice between artificial breathing and letting him die, I would find a toothbrush first.
His body functions are at an alarming speed. He must have something toxic in his stomach. Water. First, I throw it in his face, then I make him drink it, more, more, saltwater, throw it out, save your own life, come on, fight for it, you're young, not even 40 years old, you have a lot to live for, clean your stomach, get that poison out of your system, don't give up now, stay with me, nobody's dying on my watch!
There's no better place to die than a hospital. Specialists surround you, every drug is available, and life-saving machines stand everywhere. All you need is a little knowledge from these specialists about the usage of those machines and drugs. The knowledge is there, but it's the doctor himself who's the patient, and my only medical instruction for a situation like this is the chapter «The Bonny Situation» of Quentin Tarantino's film «Pulp Fiction» in which Vincent Vega (John Travolta) saves the life of Bonny (Uma Thurman) after an overdose by sticking a needle in her heart. The needle is there, lying on the table next to me, on top of a written instruction «In The Heart». Fiction can save your life. But Pulp Fiction?
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
The French Formula (LSD, #3)
हास्य-विनोदThe best spy story; the worst spy. If you play with G.O.D., you'll always win. Luxembourg wants to be Number One on the list of most influential countries. The war zone is Brest. The battlefield is the European Games. The LSD checks the rumours abou...
