The French Formula (LSD, #3)

15. What I Like About You

What I Like About You

After my night shift, I'm not in a good shape. I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm worn out. My colleagues go home, to their loved ones. They eat something or go to bed or do whatever they like in a free and peaceful world. But I can't go to bed. I'm the one who keeps our world free and peaceful, and peace is hard work. Peace is top sport, and today is the day I'm going to be a top athlete, one of the five members of the Belarusian Pillow Fight team.

How top athletes prepare for an important game, I don't know, but taking a nap does not fit in my planning. I take a shower and a shave, I take a coffee and a croissant, and I take the time for my make-up. How can I look like Gregor? With special putty, I change the shape of my face and nose. Matching the lighter colour of Gregor's skin isn't difficult either. It's the hair that causes problems. I have only one wig in about the same colour as Gregor's hair. It's a female wig. The hair is much too long. How do I transform healthy, shiny hair into dead, entangled straw? How does he give his hair that electric-chair-look? I try gel, shampoo, soap to wash the dishes, but nothing gives the desired result. Finally, I find something that works: Canard Du Toilettes, the stuff they use to clean the heavy stains in French public bathrooms. I practise imitating Gregor's voice and hope it sounds convincing. And finally, I put on Gregor's clothes and my own trainers, with a special filling in the heels that makes me look five centimetres taller. When I look in the mirror, I still have my doubts, but... this is my best shot and it will have to do.

By bus, I go to the part of town where the rest of the team is staying. Gregor explained to me the boulangerie, where they will have breakfast between 09:00 and 09:30. On my way there, I review last night's notes, my 'homework' about my teammates.

The other boy on the team is Stas. Stas looks okay. He's sturdy, about 1,70 tall. His profile on social media tells the world he likes all kinds of sports and outdoor activities. It made me smile to read the meaning of his name: 'becoming famous'. Today might be the day for that.

The girls are Margo, Edith and Agnes. The rules say that the total ages of the five players can't be over 100; with Gregor being 22 and Stas of 21, the girls need to be teenagers: Margo and Edith are 19 years old and little Agnes is only 16. Little Agnes, yes. She's 1 metre 51 and weighs 45 kilos. Why did anyone select such a featherweight for a competition where height and strength are so important?

Margo and Edith aren't gifted either with Pillow Fighter physical aspects: Edith is almost my size with rebellious blond hair and the body of a ballet dancer, while Margo is a little taller but as skinny as the metal frame of her spectacles. Quite an impressive army we have here. Not without reason are they below the bottom line of the list of favourites; the bookmakers of Bet To Win give Belarus a 1:100 chance to win the tournament, the highest quote of all the players of the entire European Games.

When I get out of the bus, I see them sitting on the terrace outside the boulangerie. Agnes sees me first. She plants her elbow in Margo's ribs, points at me with her other hand and shouts: "Hé, Gregor. Where were you yesterday? Why are you so late?"

She shouts that in Belarusian. My spiPhone picks it up and translates it into my camouflaged earplug (that hopefully will not be noticed). One thing is imitating Gregor's voice, but doing that in fluid Belarusian is a completely different story. I speak Russian, and Belarusian is from the same family, but...

"You're not Gregor. You look like him, you wear his clothes, but you're not Gregor.", mutters Agnes when I come closer. No need to cheat. I promised Rosie not to cheat anyway...

I nod and reply in English: "You're right. I'm not Gregor. Gregor couldn't come. Gregor is in deep trouble. Drugs-related trouble. He's working on a solution and he's getting help with it, but... he didn't want to abandon his team, his friends. He begged me to take his place. I promised him I would help, but only if you'd all agree. What do you want? You can go home, or you can accept me to take Gregor's place. It has to remain a secret between the five of us, and Gregor, of course. If anyone finds out, the Belarusian Pillow Fight team will be dishonourably disqualified, and the negative publicity will not help Gregor win his fight against his addiction."