Tangled Thoughts (Book #2 Rossi Series)

My Story :)

We all were close growing up; that is until I was six-years-old and Gemma had been kidnapped. The memories from then still plagued my mind. How I wish we were back to how it was. Including my mother being alive. When Gems got taken, all our worlds had turned dark and deadly. She was our moonlight in the darkness. She was our anchor that kept us from sailing away; down the abyss. I think most of us changed because we were her older siblings. We should have protected her.

Right?

But, what could a group of five, six, seven, eight, nine year olds do? What could a group of teenagers do?

Nothing.

But still I believe we all thought we failed her in some way. Some of us grew distant, cold, heartless, mute, and emotionless. However, my emotions went every directions but straight. I could be upset one second and bam I was angry for no reason the next. The next day I was depressed but later on I would be laughing and smiling.

Our nightly family nights started to dwindle down to nothingness. When my mother committed suicide was my breaking point. I believe it was honestly everyone's breaking point.

I was angry at Gems for being kidnapped, I was angry at mom for not staying and fighting, I was angry at my brothers for not noticing, I was angry at father for not stopping her, and I was angry at myself for being helpless. I was angry at the world and I planned to destroy anyone who came close to me. If I hadn't known you before Gem was taken, I didn't want you near me. I didn't think I deserved to be surrounded by people who cared. I didn't believe I deserved to have new faces in my life. But most of all I didn't care about a soul. Most my emotions went out the door, hell even out the windows. Only emotion I had was angry, rage, and a lot of sarcasm. If you weren't my family or friends, I didn't speak. My face was made of stone. My eyes became dull and lifeless. Most importantly, my depression become troublesome to me. My thoughts made me feel like they weren't my own. I didn't act anything like that talkative energetic six-year-old. I felt and looked like a zombie.

When we got Gems back, I wanted nothing to do with her. I still held guilt for not saving her, for thinking she's the reason mother committed suicide, for destroying our family. But mostly because I blamed her for my condition. My thoughts. My depression. How I longed to be that talkative energetic kid again. I just couldn't look her in the eyes and pretend at one point I didn't blame her for everything.

As time went by, she slowly creeped right into my soul. She saw glimpses of my battle; just like I saw glimpses of her's. We were one of the same and yet we just didn't know it. With my suicide attempts and my depression; she was always the one who came in like a wrecking ball. Knocking down my concrete walls just to save me. She became my moonlight in my darken nights. She became my saving grace. My Angel in disguise. She became that five-year-old while I started to become that six-year-old; both hiding from the world while we gazed at the stars. While we talked on our window sills. While we threw popcorn at each other in the theater room. We slowly started to become whole again. Yet, my thoughts always stayed the same. My depression always managed to win. All I know is I'm slowly drowning and I don't know if my light even notices. I don't even know if my family can even tell just how close I am to giving up. I fight every day to survive for my family. For my Gems. Every day is a struggle in its own. But slowly I'm staying afloat. But, I'm waiting for the waters to become a storm. I'm waiting for that storm to sink my already waterlogged boat.
My boats sinking, I'm just counting down the seconds before it gets toppled over by a hurricane. Lately, the seas in my head have been calm. For that, I am grateful because I wouldn't be able to perform the task at hand.

Right now, I'm in a fight for our family's lives. An assassin has her eyes set on her targets. Her targets being my family and I. We have been hunting her down for months and finally we have her cornered.