still, none the wiser (poetry)

eyes

your eyes tell so many stories

as i tell you mine.

i give you my words.

i dig them up from their grave,

wash them off and shine them up

and make them look all pretty, just for you.

but you, with those eyes i could write

a lifetime of the saddest songs about,

kill and bury them all over again.

over and over again.

my hands are callused from trying so hard

to be enough for you.

so please, don't search for the best parts of

me.

i have climbed every mountain and drained

every ocean in the world of my mind,

looking, fighting, begging for the good to

be somewhere inside of here.

but i have gotten lost trying, and i can't

lose you, too.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

i try not to get sick at the thought of you

seeing me as something real.

something you can hold in your hands,

and see in a beautiful entirety.

in the mirror, i only see what my eyes can.

but you.

what do you see when you look at the girl

i have killed and buried over and over

again?

it must not have made sense, what you saw,

because you turned away.

or maybe, you just figured me out,

and knew i wasn't something you could

love.

you laid the final piece of my puzzle, and

realized you didn't like the picture.

realized you wasted so much time on

something you can break apart in a second.

i am sorry im not stronger.

after all these years, all those days, you'd

think i would be.

but im not, and all i can offer you now is

my slowly beating heart.

°°°°°°°°°°°

your eyes tell so many stories

as i spit out mine.

with the littlest courage you left me with,

i give you my greatest tales,

in hopes you suddenly understand

that i am a tale in myself.

a tale that you need to hear the end of.

i tell you my words in hopes that you'll wait

for a while, for me.

i know that its selfish,

but for now, i just need you to stay,

and hold my hand,

and use your empty one to cover those

wondering eyes of yours.

-V

(i feel like i don't even know how to write anymore this is so annoying 😾)