still, none the wiser (poetry)

beg

i want you to want more for yourself.

i want you to move on.

i want you to leave me behind,

to go find someone who

can give you what

you were searching for in

my hollow eyes.

but really, i just want you.

i want to hold you.

i want to talk to you.

i want you to

love me so hard that

i forget all the reasons i

can't do it myself.

love me until i forget

the sharpness of hate.

love me until my

loneliness is a

stranger.

love me, love me, love me.

i want you.

************

never have i felt an

ache so desperate

as i do

when i am alone.

it is a stupid thing, i know,

to wish so hard it hurts.

but pain fills the void

that was born on the day

i let you go.

i have watched it grow, like

a cancer, like a tree,

branching out, destroying

all i have left until i

am nothing but a shadow.

can i be your shadow?

i won't speak, i won't touch.

i will just be,

and i can do that softly.

i can do anything for you.

*********

i know that i am

begging like a child, like a dog,

like a girl drunk on the idea

of someone loving each and

every part of her.

but without our what-ifs,

i truly have no one.

so forgive me for pushing

you away, and forgive me

for wanting you close.

i am just tired and sad,

and i can't let

myself love you like this.

i want you to want more

for yourself,

so make it easier on me,

and start wanting.

you beautiful thing,

start wanting.

-V