Everything the Light Touches

Chapter Sixteen

a/n: hope you're buckled in bestie boo, this chapter is where we're gonna start seeing some of those *tensions* rise ;)

chapter warnings: tension (of the semi-sexual variety), lil bit of thigh-riding (flashback), guns (nobody is hurt, it's just practice, but thought i'd let you know just in case)

Your heart was pounding in your ears as you took in what Bucky was saying to you. He'd explained briefly the issue that had him running out of the apartment at a ridiculous hour but now he was speaking in hushed tones to Natasha at the door. You sat down on the couch, your ass hitting the cushions hard, as you realized what this meant. It meant that your parents had decided to go to war. To help Pierce. To betray you. A part of you knew you shouldn't be so surprised to hear the lengths they'd go to for more power, but the thought that they would risk others lives made your stomach curdle. You were withdrawn so deep in your head you didn't hear the door open and close behind Natasha as she left until you saw Bucky kneel in front of you. You chanced a look at him, almost regretting it as you saw the pain and the anger swimming in his oceanic eyes. Bucky was hurting.

"Was anybody hurt?" You asked quietly, watching Bucky's face for a tell of some sort to see if he was lying. His head shook vehemently denouncing the question which managed to lighten your stomach but only a little.

"I meant what I said, Y/N. I will keep you safe. And if that means giving my life in the process then that's what I'll do." His words were softly spoken, almost whispered as if he was unsure if you should hear them, and while he probably thought that what he was saying would bring about some sort of comfort it did the opposite.

Your whole body shivered at the thought of James Barnes laying down his life for you. You never wanted that. Never in a million years. And while you understood that Bucky is partially the reason you were in this mess now, you weren't sure how you'd be able to make it if he gave up his life to protect you. But you didn't have time to express those thoughts. Those feelings of intense doubt, guilt and fear. Because Bucky was reaching out to your hand pulling you up with him as he stood in front of you. Your breathing was labored, borderline panting if you were being honest, uncertainty filling your veins as you stood in front of the man you once loved and awaited his next move.

You were so sure that he was just going to tell you to go to bed and not worry about what was to come, about what had happened. So needless to say, you were pleasantly surprised when Bucky Barnes wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug. Your breathing caught in your chest as his smell assaulted your senses, the scent doing its best to drag you back into a time long past where you knew without a doubt that this man was your forever. You only hesitated slightly before wrapping your arms around his waist in response and leaning your head against his chest. The two of you stood there for what felt like hours but must have only been a few minutes. You managed to look up to find Bucky staring at you, a hesitant look in his eyes before he began to lean down to you.

Your heart stammered and your brain was on fire. IS HE GOING TO KISS US AGAIN!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON!! THERE IS NOBODY HERE TO PROVE IT TO. DANGER! DANGER! ALERT! ALERT!

But he didn't do that. Instead he touched his forehead to yours and closed his eyes, seeming to bask quietly in your embrace before softly speaking, "sweetheart, you will never know how sorry I am. For everything. For letting you go. For practically casting you aside. For forcing you into this life. I truly hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day though I doubt I will ever deserve your forgiveness. If it takes fighting the rest of my life for you to understand how truly sorry I am, I'll do it."

You could feel the movement of his lips at the top of your head as he pressed a kiss to your forehead before giving you one last squeeze and pulling away. You weren't sure what to say, your words had been robbed from you in those last moments and you merely stared up at him, your lips parting slightly in awe and slightly in fear of the future. He sighed heavily after looking at you, offered a squeeze to your waist and began leading you to your bedroom. Your heart was racing again, uncertainty filling you once again as he opened the door to your room and motioned for you to go inside. Your steps were hesitant but as you turned around you noticed he was still at your door, on the other side at that. Standing in his hallway Bucky leaned against the doorjamb with his hands tucked in his pockets before speaking again, "get some rest, you need it. We'll talk more in the morning."