Edge and Belle

Chapter 10 (Edge): A Mom Decision

Getting my foot in the door to stop it from figuratively and literally slamming shut on me was a huge step forward. At least, I was taking it that way. My new-found ally Landry -- the man I'd been so jealous of earlier in the day at West's baseball game -- had been an unexpected help when he'd invited me to have pizza with all of them. They could have been serving raw slugs and I would have accepted. I just needed to get myself around Belle more, and this was the perfect way.

Piper couldn't hide how happy she was to see me even though her little face was conflicted and she tugged on her ponytail, her signal that she was uncertain. Belle's face wasn't conflicted in the least. She was pure pissed off.

"Come on, Piper, let's see where Aunt Phoebe is," Landry again proved himself to be friend, not foe.

Piper grabbed her uncle's hand and skipped toward the kitchen with him, and I gently tugged on Belle's arm to stop her from following.

"Belle," I said in low tones so we couldn't be overheard, "I mean it. I'm sorry about what I said and assumed earlier today. I felt horrible about confronting you the way I did, and I know jealousy isn't an excuse, but it's what was driving every word that came spewing out of my mouth."

She laughed, clearly amused. "So I forgive you and then what? Wait to hear more stuff come out of your mouth the next time you're jealous or think I'm not within hearing distance? With your mouth, I want to know how you've made it this far in the Marines without facing a firing squad."

That wasn't the first time I'd heard something like that.

"Belle, give me a chance to make things right with you and the children. Please."

"You're here for dinner, Edge. I didn't invite you, Landry did. So I'll let you stay, but don't mistake that for me welcoming you back into my life. After dinner, if Piper asks you to stay, you'll make your excuses and leave."

"OK," I said. "But I'm going to --"

"What's he doing here?" West asked, coming into the living room from the hallway. His face was angry and if he'd been bigger, I have no doubt he would have tried to throw me out of the house.

"Your uncle invited him to have pizza with us," Belle said neutrally.

"Why?" West protested, his tone conveying that he would have rather eaten with the devil than sit down to a meal with me. "We don't want him here."

"West, you need to mind your manners," Belle said, but I noticed there wasn't a lot of force behind her words like there normally would be if one of the children was being rude.

The doorbell rang and, figuring it was the pizza, I walked to the door, paid the delivery man and came back into the room with three large boxes. Belle had been whispering to West while I was paying for the pizza, and from the look on his face, she'd been chastising him.

"Belle, would you take these into the kitchen so I could have a quick word with West, please? I'd like to speak with him man-to-man."

I saw West straighten up proudly when I said that, and Belle saw it, too. She looked at me for a long moment, then back to West and finally nodded her approval.

"Don't be too long or the pizza will be cold," she warned me. Don't you dare be a jerk to my son.

"Got it," I said, letting her know her message had been received.

"Why'd you wanna talk to me?" West asked once his mother had walked away into the kitchen. I could hear Piper squeal when she saw the pizza boxes.

Because I want you to stop hating me. I want you to want to be around me again. I want you to understand how sorry I am for ever thinking something so awful about you.

That was a little much, so I went with something easier.

"You ever make a mistake, West? Something you said or did that got you in a lot of trouble?"

West's mouth screwed up as he thought.

"I guess so," he said with a shrug. "Yeah."

"How'd you feel after you messed up?" I asked him.

Another shrug. "Not good."

"So you knew you messed up, and it didn't make you feel good, knowing you made a mistake like that."

He thought about my words for a minute. "Yeah."

"Well, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I made a really, really bad mistake. I said something mean about your mom and you and Piper, and I've been sorry ever since. If I could take those words back, I would. But I can't, so I'm trying to figure out a way to show you, to show Piper and to show your mom that I'm sorry and I want to be back in your lives."

West looked up at me with those eyes that were a mixture of anger and confusion. It wasn't the look of a little boy; it was the look of an eighty-year-old man who knew a thing or two about life.

 "You made my mom cry."

His accusation went straight to the heart of the problem I was facing. I'd hurt Belle, and by extension, West and Piper. Belle was worried about the way I felt about her children, and her son was worried that I'd made his mother cry. If there was a way to feel lower than dirt, I'd like to know because I was face down in it. And rightfully so.

"I did make your mom cry," I admitted to him. "And I've never been so sorry about anything in my life. What I did to her, what I said about her and you and your sister, makes me feel like shit."

The corner of West's mouth twitched at the bad word.

"I want you to know I'm sorry, West. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry I hurt your mom and made her cry. A good man doesn't do that. So now, I'm trying to be a better man and I want to show all of you that I want to be part of your family."

Again, this wise little boy thought about my words. "Like our dad? You want to be our dad?"

"That's something down the road that I need to talk about with your mom, West. For now, I want to be back like we were. Where we go out for pizza together, where we watch movies or play board games. I'll keep coaching your team. Things like that."

"I don't know. That's a mom decision."

I kept a straight face. I'd heard that phrase from Belle a million times when Piper and West tried to negotiate for something -- watching a movie that was a little old for them, staying up later, eating something sweet right before dinner.

That's not a decision you two get to make. That's a mom decision.

"It is a mom decision," I agreed with him. "But I wanted you to know what I'm working on. I want to earn your forgiveness and Piper's forgiveness, and I want to be someone your mom can forgive."

"Piper and I just have to say we're sorry and mean it," he said.

Again, I tried not to laugh. Another Belle-ism. Saying you're sorry isn't enough. You have to mean it.

West looked up at me, his expression pure and sincere. "But I think you're going to have to do more than say sorry. To all of us."

He wasn't wrong.

It's scary when a little boy is the smartest one in the room.