Lovesick

Chapter 31

I was in the basement studio, minding my own business. Actually I was warming up my vocals to the song I had recorded in Daegu. Every time I sing it, I think of my strawberry shortcake. I still having a hard time processing what went down in here. I couldn't bare to look over at the piano. And how my own best friend still wanted to pursue after her after being ripped from his arms. It all seemed like a nightmare. I shouldn't have left him stranded with Junnie, but when he stopped listening to me? I knew it was time for me to go. Soobin is hard headed. Determined. He wants what he wants and when he wants it. But what he seeks is what I've secretly pined for since the lodge. It's been hard  keeping it under wraps. To stay the distance. But when she's just within my grasp, I took a chance. Just to see if everything I felt was worth it. If my heart was playing tricks on me. I've spent many days daydreaming about her. Waking up at night from a sweet dream. Only to find I'm alone. She's married now, I know...and there's no way I should feel like I do. But some things can't be helped. I didn't ask for this. I never thought I'd find love in Kate. It just happened. And here I am. Singing "I Think I Like You," as my lips still tingle from the kiss I planted on her in her apartment. I push the dark framed glasses up the bridge of my nose, and restart the music. When I got to the chorus, my eyes were on the door. I had sensed her coming. Then I saw her behind the glass door. She was here. Alone. My strawberry shortcake. But why? Why has come to see me? I watched as the door knob turned, and slowly the door opened. Green eyes looked upon me, and I continued to sing reaching out a hand to her, bending my fingers into a fist. She smiled. Damn that sexy smile! My heart fluttered. Then that smile disappeared. Oh dear. I automatically retrieved my hand and stopped singing. The music played on. The silence between us was deadly. She closed the door, falling against it. At first I thought it was because this was very room her and Soobin got a little risqué, but I saw a different light in her eyes. Was it me? I removed my glasses, tossing them on the table behind me, and turned to cut off the music. As much as I wanted to hold her, I knew this was no ordinary visit. And I didn't like the feeling I was getting. When I looked at her everything about that day in Daegu came washing over me. The studio. The kiss. Pouring out my heart. I relive it daily in my head. And I wondered if it ever crossed it her mind too.  She stated, "Please don't stop on my accord, Tae. It's really quite..." her eyes roamed the room, "moving." I didn't know how to respond. All my emotions laid at her feet the second she walked into the room. I only shook my head, my jeans tightening knowing she was in my space. She crept up behind me, "Tae." She touched my shoulder. My libido jumped. She sighed, "Are you upset with me over Soobin?" I was a little, but I had no right to be. I had no claim to her. I pressed my lips together, and replied softly, "No. Just envious. But I'll be fine." Her fingers fell down the upper part of my arm, "Envious of what? You shouldn't be. I'm quite ashamed of what happened in here with Soobin. That's not like me at all. I'm sure I really painted a horrible picture of myself to you." I casually glanced at her over my shoulder. Her eyes were still downcast. I cleared my throat, "Not at all, shortcake." I faced the table again, keeping my hands busy, as I sorted through the material of another song I'd been working on. She nibbled on her lower lip, "You say that, but you can't even look at me." If she only knew what was going on inside my head, and if I dare to face her, I may end up kissing that sad face. I need to resist her, but the temptation is too strong. It was easier when we were completely alone. I didn't need worry about Gyu or the other guys lurking around. I hated that she felt like I was ignoring her, or upset. Clearly I wasn't. I was tripping over my heart for her. Just like in my song, I think I like her more than I should. That's when I heard her say, "Tae, I came to say goodbye." I froze. Did I hear her correctly? She's leaving? I picked up my glasses once more and brought them to close to my mouth. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. The highlight of all my days would be out of sight once more. There's still so much I want to say to her. But how do you openly express everything happening inside of you to the very one who belongs to someone else? You just can't. Or I just can't. I said too much in Daegu. I never wanted to be that guy who turned on Gyu. And she's my friend. That's all she'll ever be. I found the strength and courage to turn around. Sadly I said, "Goodbye?" She lifted her head, and I was a goner the moment those emerald eyes found mine. She nodded, "Yeah. I'm going home. And I didn't want to leave without letting you know." I cleared the knot rising up on my throat, "I appreciate that. What about Soobs?" Why the hell was I asking about my best friend? Kate had come back to help him, but everything got so twisted and nothing was accomplished. She grimaced, "Tae, he needs help far from me. I thought I could, but I'm just as screwed up as he is. He needs professional help. I think my being here only made things worse. It opened up old wounds for me. That's why I have to go." Her voice cracked on the verge of tears. Oh my sweet shortcake. I had no idea what old wounds she was referring to unless she meant the incident that's happened over and over with Soobin. Whatever it may be, the hurt of leaving stung her gorgeous eyes. I found myself closing the small gap between us. With my glasses still in my hand, I stroked her cheek, "It'll be ok. You do what you need to." Yeah, I was disappointed, but I knew her place wasn't here. It was in Daegu. And I hoped to see her again...if I can get away. She covered my hand with hers and I felt the electricity throughout my entire body. It's a crying shame that I can't act upon what I feel. She nodded, "It's not really goodbye, right?" My eyes narrowed as they fell to her heart shape, rosy lips. and I brushed my thumb across them. So soft, so supple. Just remembering the taste of them had my brain screaming at the top of its lungs. When bottom lip dropped slightly, I wanted badly to reign in and sample her kiss once more. I stated softly, "It's never goodbye, shortcake. You just take care of yourself. Don't worry about things here. I'll see what I can do about Soob's. He'll be taken care of." I knew in my heart that wasn't enough for her to hear, but it was the best I could without getting myself in trouble with her. She was so tempting. So inviting. So undeniably adorable. My hand stayed on her flawless cheek for the longest time, and no other words were spoken. Only our eyes. As soon as I watched the way she pressed her lips together, and the noticing way she nibbled on her lower lip, I knew she was thinking of it too. F***! I'm so in trouble now. I glanced towards the door to see any sign of Gyu or Junnie. It was clear. I leaned down, tilting my head, and brushed my lips over hers. I hissed through my teeth. Too dangerous. What was I thinking? Clearly I wasn't. I whispered, turning my head away. 'Damn it,' I cursed to myself. Why had I done that? It was so featherlike...yet satisfying. I moved away from her. I had to. I apologized, "I'm sorry, Kate." I felt her smile. It was genuine. It was sweet. Right then I knew I had to make plans to go to Daegu. If anything, just to see her. If not at the studio at the Gypsy. I really need to stop thinking of myself, and think of her and Gyu. I don't want to be just another disruption in their marriage. Gyu has suffered enough with Junnie and Soobin. But I'm helpless. Weak. Clumsy when Kate is near. I'm not looking for romance...no matter how much I've fallen for her. Not even a fling. I just want her to know how much I care. And I think she knows. Or I hope she knows. I raked a hand through my hair, turning my back to her once more. The taste of strawberries lingered on my lips. So much has changed since that day at the lodge. I stayed angry at her because of Soobin. I disliked her because of Soobin. When all the while, I was tripping over my own heart, falling into the pools of her green eyes, and getting lost in her smile. My best friends demise to have her, and all the crazy shit he came up with to get there left me spinning in a whirlwind. And to think I went along with it because he needed the support. Maybe I'm part to blame for the way he's turned out, but never for his actions. In my heart of hearts, I'd never do the things he's done no matter how much I wanted my shortcake. He's taken things too far. And I'm sure there are things I don't know, and I don't want to know. All I know is how I'm feeling right now. My heart is thundering against the wall of my chest. My jeans have suddenly grown 2 sizes too small. And I'm on the verge of taking her in my arms, and finishing what I started in the kitchen. I heard her say softly, almost in a shattering voice, "I think I'll go now. Take care, Tae." Kate folded the knuckles of her right hand over her lips, and turned towards the door hugging herself. And I let her go. I heard the door close behind her. It was then I felt myself burst into a million pieces. All my emotions all at once. I wanted to scream. Shout. Cry. I banged a fist on the table. I wanted her. I needed her in my life more than I could ever tell her. It wasn't fair. But she wasn't mine. She loved Gyu. I see the way Gyu looks at her, and her to him, and I want that kind of love. To know and experience a love like theirs. I want to experience heaven in my arms. To know a dream that's real. And a heart that beats true. I want a woman like Kate. Her. My strawberry shortcake.