Blood Stream

I'm a Mess

We stopped for food before hitting the road on our way to the next show in Burbank. Half of the crew went to Taco Bell but I went with the other half to a Panera right down the road from where we parked the bus.
We all ordered and made our way to the "pick up" line.

"Oh my- you're Ed Sheeran ! Can we Pleasee get a picture with you ?!" A girl about 14 came up and asked me
"Yes of course" I said willingly
We all smiled for a very nice picture actually
"thankyou so much !! You were amazing tonight-"
"Kimmy, he's always amazing" the other girl with brunette hair interrupted
I just chuckled
"Well thank you guys for coming out to the show"
They walked away, the crew and I got our food and we walked back to the bus.

When we got to Burbank it felt so familiar it almost hurt.
We got to our hotel and I fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning we made our way to Warner Bros Studios for my appearance on Ellen, my God I love that woman.

"So Ed, tell us who's your girlfriend"
She said so eager
"Wow you're not even going to sugar coat that with anything ?" I teased the audience let out a laugh
"Well you know what I do here so I just get to the point now"
I laughed
"Well, no there's no one special in my life at the moment" hoping I didn't have a look of pain on my face
"Well we're gonna have to do something about that" she winked cheekily at me
I chuckled and so did the audience
"Well thanks for joining us Ed, it's always a pleasure to have you on the show, we're gonna have to make you a second host with me soon"
That'd be pretty funny
"Yknow I honestly wouldn't mind"
Everyone in the audience laughed
The show closed out

I was just laying down on the couch in my dressing room
There was a knock on the door
"Hey Ed can I come in?"
It was Ellen
"Yes of course" I said without hesitation
She made her way to the sofa across from the one I was sitting on and made herself at home.
"How are you doing Chris ?"
I haven't been called 'Chris' since-
"Chris?"
I snapped out of my daydream
"Oh-uh I'm-uh sorry, yeah I'm okay I guess"
She looked at me with a certain pain in her eyes
"Ed, it's been seven years..." She paused then continued shortly after "I don't know how to help you or what to tell you, but I'll always lend an ear and a shoulder should you ever need me, you know that right?"
"Yeah, thanks El,"
She gave me a warm heartfelt hug and that was it, I hadn't cried in a very long time
Everything was open, all my wounds had been restabbed and it felt as if someone was opening my chest and ripping my heart out.
I'm a mess right now
After a few minutes, once I was stable, she gave me one last hug "you're going to be okay" she kissed my forehead and walked out.
I was alone.
Again.