the things we do in the dark (+18)

8

From the orange tip of his cigarette, August watches Iverem practically sprint to the gazebo, just when August began to think that night two without sleep would be uneventful.

He fights with the idea of following her. What he's thinking of doing isn't right. August knows that. But he's tired of living for everyone else; even someone like him needs something for himself. So, he follows Iverem.

She doesn't notice him encroaching on her one-person conversation as she flips through her journal.

"That accident fried your brain?" he says.

She jumps, dropping her diary; it falls underneath the gazebo's floorboard. "Shit," she says, looking over the top railing. "Well, thanks for that."

August stands next to her, mimicking her by peeking over the railing. He searches for the journal but can't make it out in the darkness. "It'll come up," he says.

"Right," she says. "What do you want?"

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. Straight to the point, he can admire that. "I came to check up on you," he says.

The look on her face suggests she doesn't seem to believe him. Iverem already knows his true intentions, but continues to play oblivious by saying: "you check up on all the women your brother dates?"

"Just the ones that matter." Oh god, I sound so creepy, August cringes.

Iverem stares at him, expressionless. Then, she bursts out laughing. "Yeah, that's not my best line," he says.

"No, it's not that," she says, gaining composure. "It's just that I'm the only woman your brother's ever dated, and you never seemed interested in me before."

True.

Jonah and Iverem are college sweethearts. August has seen her pass through these family events countless times, and he never tried to talk to her. Now, Iverem is quickly becoming someone he didn't know he needed.

"You're ... something," he says, "I plan to figure out what."

This statement causes Iverem to furrow her eyebrows. Her eyes become impossibly dark, like wild honey. "So I'm like entertainment to you."

August doesn't bother explaining himself.

Iverem snorts. Typically, August finds such behaviour undignified, but coming from Iverem, the sound is endearing, almost melodic. "Whatever. You shouldn't make a habit out of checking on your brother's fiancée."

"Are you telling me you guys are getting married now?" he says, nonchalantly.

"Seems that way," Iverem replies cavalierly as if she's discussing the weather.

He doesn't like the idea of Jonah marrying Iverem. His pride won't allow him to admit he's jealous of Jonah, but it will allow him to recognize his loss, ignorance, and stupidity – how Jonah found Iverem before he did, how August had been patiently waiting his whole life to be happy, but that happiness never came.

You can always change your mind, right?  he thinks, about how you want to live.

Fat snowflakes fall to the ground, over and into the gazebo, quieting the world. Creating a vacuum neither Iverem nor August can escape. Moments create memories; they also are an amalgamation of a person's life. And at this moment, August realizes nobody but him will ever care about his happiness – nobody but him can bring it to him.

"Are you happy, Iverem?" he says.

She takes time to ponder his question, too long for someone who is actually happy. "No," she finally says.

"Then why are you doing all this?"

"Isn't this what everyone's supposed to do?" she says.

Her naiveté beckons him to take advantage. August wants to tell Iverem that he can make her happy. Instead, he takes her hand and intertwines it with his own. The smoothness of Iverem's palm and the delicateness of her fingers coaxes him to pull her into an embrace.

Iverem doesn't fight him at first. She lets August breathe in her perfume and rub his stubble against her cool cheek. When he tries to kiss her, she begins to struggle out of his grasp.

"I don't think this is a good idea," she says.

August doesn't care about what's good or smart, or right. He wants what's his.