North Star

13 | table for two

2019

Leimomi and Micah helped me get ready for dinner with Nikau.

It wasn't a date or anything, but Micah had come into my room to ask if she could borrow a book and realized what I was doing, so she insisted on helping, which meant Leimomi was dragged in to assist as well. Between the two of them, I had successfully put eyeliner on for the first time in years. Not that I needed to wear any makeup at all just to go to dinner with some guy, but I enjoyed playing around with it every once in a while. Wearing makeup wasn't always about how someone else perceived us and shaping ourselves to fit that mold. It was often a means to explore creativity, using ourselves as the vessel.

We were going to a yakiniku place in town, which he had surprised me by suggesting at the last minute instead of the hot pot place, saying something about how we should go there next time—next time, I noted—so it wasn't exactly a place that required being dressed up. I opted for something casual, light, and flowy that I had stolen out of Kanani's closet.

Giving them an obligatory twirl, I was met with a standing ovation which was all thanks to them.

"He won't be able to keep his hands to himself," Leimomi taunted.

"It's not a date," I said at the same time that Micah replied, "He better if he knows what's good for him. We admire works of art like her from afar."

After knocking on the door, Kanani appeared in the frame like a mother seeing her daughter off for the first time. I half expected her to make a joke like make sure he brings you home at a respectable hour or something of the like. Her maternal energy only burned brighter when Keali'i walked up behind her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, a silent reminder that he would always be by her side.

"Our little girl is all grown up," she joked.

"She has five inches over you," Keali'i reminded her. "I don't think she's little anymore."

Kanani smacked his stomach. "She'll always be little to me."

Yanking my purse off the hook by my door, I scooted around them, making sure to kick my leg up behind me so I could smack her butt. "Please save the dramatics for the actual child in our house."

"Hey!" Leimomi protested as I continued down the stairs.

Mom was sitting downstairs in front of the TV playing with her sudoku booklet. Over the years, we had attempted to get her into using an app since it was easier to carry around, but she always refused. She liked the feeling of paper and pen in her hand, as well as the pressure that came from it since it was messier to clean up a mistake this way.

It always worked out in the end. Mom never made a mistake on her puzzles.

"You look beautiful, honey," she said, watching me descend the staircase.

Even with earl gray skies brewing outside while she was wrapped up in a massive knit blanket, my mother was the epitome of beauty. It shined through even on those days when I knew she didn't fully feel like herself. Seeing her and admiring her for her beauty, inside and out, always reminded me of how to look after myself. It was too easy to use self-deprecating humor as armor to hide the insecurities I held, but if someone as incredible as her could have a hard time recognizing what I thought was a simple, undeniable fact, then I could trust that was something I needed to work through myself.

"I got it from my mama."

She laughed and scooted over. I dropped down next to her and was immediately flooded with the scent of salt and sun. She must have gone for a swim earlier.