To Grieve, Learn and Let Go (Pedro Pascal/Joel Miller Inspired Story)

New Start

It's warm outside. It's so warm that my emotions are melted into a puddle like an ice cream cone and not in a good way. My body feels numb too. My eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and crying for two nights. I think I've cried all of the tears I could drain out and I feel extremely exhausted. The pain inside of me was no other pain I have experienced in my life.

I take one last look at my childhood home. All of the memories I've had in this home will now bring memories to another family. I'll miss the brown and black color of it. I'll miss the natural scent of the fireplace and the walls. I'll miss the seashell bathroom sink that made my childhood feel like I was in an ocean, swimming happily with seahorses. I'll miss everything about this house.

Nicole's car is parked right outside the house. She's in the middle of organizing her trunk as I take in the scent of my old home, saying my goodbyes. I hear the trunk slam close, signaling that it's time to walk away and say goodbye.

"Goodbye," I say silently, trying my hardest to keep my tears from falling out of my eyes. I walk away and head to the car.

Nicole is standing by the driver's side, watching me as I hang my head low and I eventually start sobbing. She tucks me in a warm embrace, shushing me and telling me everything will be okay and that the pain I'm experiencing is natural.

It takes me a while to stop crying. My face is now covered in dry tears and Nicky grabs an unopened pack of tissues from her purse. She gives it to me, and I open it and wipe my face, feeling both stupid and a little better. We got into the car, with me sitting in the passenger seat. When we are all set, we leave the premises and are on our way to the Lower East Side to the hotel Nicky works.

Leaving my childhood neighborhood permanently will be something I'll never forget. Even as we're on the freeway, I can still see the neighborhood. It was the only neighborhood where every Latino and Black person can build a community without losing their identities. The best part of it all, it was in the shape of a heart. I'll definitely miss the community center I used to go to growing up. The community center would be packed with people almost every day for various activities and charities. Leaving the community center without saying goodbye is the best thing for me because I'll be convinced to stay and find other ways to survive on my own with the little money I have.

We arrive at the very active part of New York; Times Square. It's packed as usual with people and the lights in the city are dimmed by the bright sky. It is ten in the morning, and we drive into the lower parking lot where spaces are almost filled. Nicky parks her car at the front, where it's easy to walk in without walking half a mile to the entrance of the hotel. I open the trunk of her car and take out my two luggage and carry-on bag. Nicole helps me roll my luggage to the door and we step into the lobby. I see the receptionist's table.

Walking into this four-star hotel feels strange. It feels like I'm not supposed to be here because of how sophisticated it looks and so many rich white people walking in and out of the building. It smells rich too. I see a handful of Black people, Latino and Asian people walking around too and I wonder what they think of being in such a lavish hotel that's mostly full of white people.

Subtle Jazz music is playing everywhere, and I pass by a sweet-smelling gift shop where I see a family of four shopping for souvenirs. They're smiling, giggling, and cracking jokes at one another. I see a mother buying her daughter a pink colored necklace and the warmth on her face as her daughter hugs and thanks her is sending me into a state of heartache. I see a father picking up his daughter and putting her over the shoulder and the little girl laughs loudly as her father pretends to be an airplane. Looking at them all is bringing in more sadness than I needed and I'm too drained to cry once more.

Nicole helps me check in and we ride the elevator to the eleventh floor. I hate elevators but I'm not willing to climb eleven flights of stairs, especially with my condition. We get to the floor, and I'm led down the wide halls of the hotel and we make a left and I'm met by a coffee cream colored door with a gilded doorknob with the hotel's names engraved on it.

Nicole taps the card on a black screen, and I hear a click and the door is open. We walk in and the first thing I see is a large bed. I drop my bag near the bed and look around the room. There are two nightstands, a floral looking lamp, a phone, a flat screen tv in front of the bed. Just when I thought that was all, there's a large sofa right near the wide-open clear windows with the curtain put on one side. The bathroom is on the right and it's also huge, with a large tub that can turn into a hot tub, porcelain sink, brown flooring, cream colored walls, and a shelf full of clean towels, soaps and lotion.

I'm almost at a loss for words and I turn to her. "Nicky, this is all too much. I don't think I can stay here."

"No, girl! It's all good!

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Mari!"

"I swear to pay you back!"

"Girly, it's fine! And don't you worry about paying me back right away. All that matters is you have a place to stay for two months."

I can't hold back my tears and I hug her tightly. "Thanks, Nicky. I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you, Mari. You've been through so much and I think you deserve so much more." She slides out of my hug and looks at me with endearment and wipes the tears off my face with her fingers. "You went through four years of community college, tackling every single subject that had you think twice about life. You're going to UCLA. At age twenty-seven, which is such a lucky number for most people. You're one the lucky ones. Just know that you've made your grandparents proud and they're watching over you."

"Thanks Nicky. I can't believe I'm going to UCLA as a non-traditional student. Just two more months and I'm going to be living on campus as a Cali resident." I take in a breath and exhale, and my nerves have subsided just a little. "Let's hurry up and unpack my things. I'm hungry."

"Hell yes! But before we can go eat, here's your card. If you lose it, just call or go to the service desk and they'll give it to you."

"I'll make sure not to lose it. Oh shoot!" I suddenly remember there is something I need to do, and I palm my forehead. "I have my doctor's appointment today at one. I don't think I'll have time to eat. Should I get a taxi or just take the train?"

"I can drive you there! It'll save you time to eat and get ready. Plus, it's hot as hell out there."

"Oh, thank you so much! I've never stayed at a four-star hotel, so I don't know what this place has. What's good to eat around here in this hotel?"

"I thought you'd never ask. You get free breakfast every day, and trust me, it's not just some stale bagels, crappy scrambled eggs, and cereal. There's a restaurant in the lobby and they serve a three-course meal also free of charge. Or you can order room service if you don't want to eat at the restaurant, but it will cost you a little extra."

The options are too much for me and I grimace at Nicky. "Uh...let's just order some Chinese takeout instead."

"Even better."