unrequited love • tee higgins

004

FOR THE BETTER
tee's point of view

march 13, 2022

"jamar." she blurted out. i watched her squeeze her eyes shut once she it like she was admitting it to herself.

i just nodded once, then i went back inside. i went back into the living room, and told jamar that lily needed to talk to him.

i don't know why i did it, i really don't but i did it anyway.

so lily likes my best friend, which is very exciting for me. can you tell i'm being sarcastic?

i think my heart broke into tiny pieces once she told me, this entire time i knew she liked jamar but admitting it to me was something i thought i was ready for, but i wasn't.

disco balls, also known as mirrorballs, hang in the middle of places and parties and bars, glittering and glistening under the light.

they are there in the middle of a dance floor because they reflect light. they are broken a million times and that's what makes them so shiny.

i'm a firm believer that we have people like that in society, too. when you shine a light on them, it's this glittery, fantastic, thing.

but a lot of the time, most of the time, when the light isn't on them, it's still there up on a pedestal and nobody is watching them.

i am a mirrorball.

i'm here, right here. i've been waiting for lily for so long but she can't see me. i'm just wishing i could be there for her.

i'm been in love with her for the past two years, and she doesn't see me.

if she was a teacher, i would fail her class so i could take it over and over again.

if she was a waiting room at the hospital, i would never see a doctor, i would sit in that waiting room just because she's there for ever and ever.

i would sit there and bleed just because she's in that waiting room.

i can wish all i want, but it won't bring us together. i feel like i should let her go, but i can't. i won't.

she won't see me, i'm like a brother to her, she couldn't see me how i see her.

it makes me so frustrated that she can't see that i'm right here. but i have to let her go.

but i just can't. no? it's for the better? right? she doesn't want me, she made that ever so clear.

no. it's for the better? she's happy with him, i shouldn't get in the way of that. but i can't not tell her how i feel.

i know it's for the better.

🕰️

after i slept on it, i decided that i need to gain some closure. i went about my day as if it was normal, which it really wasn't.

all i could think about was lily, what else is new? i drove over to her apartment around 4.

side note, i despise monday. anyways, i drove the rest of the way to her apartment.

i parked on the street and rode up to her floor, i walked down the hallway and knocked on her door.

i was thinking of all the things i wanted to say. i waited for someone to open the door, but they never did.

then i remembered, she had a shift on mondays. my two options were to wait here until she got home, which would be after 9. or i go to boca and talk to her there.

i decided neither were reasonable options, so i drove to jamar's house.

thinking about it, talking to a part of the problem about the problem isn't the best idea but i'm here in his doorway.

"i have to talk to you." we both say in unison. i furrow my eyebrows and say, "you first."

we both sit down on the couch and he starts to speak. "lily doesn't like me, she only said that because she was stressed." he said.

no way is this true, i can't let myself believe that this is true.

"in reality, she likes you and she has for a while and i keep telling her to go for it because i know how much you like her but she won't do it because she thinks that you don't feel the same way." he says, his sentences colliding together.

none of this makes any sense. "but you two spend so much time together, i." i say before i stop myself. jamar wouldn't lie to me.

"i'm not kidding tee, she really does." he says, i feel my heart do a flip.

i feel the corner of my lip turn upwards, forming a smile. "you gotta go for it, tee." jamar says, a smile present on his face.

"she has a shift, what am i supposed to do?" i ask, i need to make it perfect.

"you got it, you are the most romantic person i know besides shiesty." jamar says.

"i have the perfect idea." i say telling jamar my plan, hoping he can help me with it.

i can't do it now, i have to wait. maybe next week or something. it needs to be perfect.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

double upload!!!!

i also have an idea for a josh allen story in my drafts, but i kinda want to make a nick bosa one after that or george kittle