unrequited love • tee higgins

008

SILENCE

march 24, 2022

i hate silence. i hate how you can hear everything and nothing at all. i hate how you are stuck within your mind, only having room to think.

when it's silent, you can't focus on a sound to stop you from thinking thoughts you don't want to think about. it forces you to think and i hate it.

i love silence. i love how you can hear everything and nothing at all. i love how you are stuck within your mind, only having room to think.

when it's silent, you can't focus on a sound to stop you from thinking thoughts you want to think about. it forces you to think and i love it.

silence is a contradictory thing, or maybe it is in my mind. i feel as though silence can be your best friend or your worst enemy depending on what mood you are in.

when it's silent, i can feel my heart beating, i can hear the heat or air conditioning in my apartment.

i can hear the cars honking on the streets down below. i can hear the ambulances and police sirens going off to save someone's life.

that's when i hate silence. i hate the sound of police and ambulance sirens. it reminds of the worst day of my life.

anyway, that's a long story for a different time.

anyways, my opinion of silence today is that comfortable silence is overrated.

how can silence be comfortable?

i think about this a lot, maybe more than i should. but i'm lily, i always think about things more than i should.

💌

i got ready and went over to sam's house, he's my brother and he's annoying but i still like spending time with him.

once i opened his door, which was unlocked more times than it wasn't, i realized we never finalized these plans.

he suggested i come over sometime and i said how about today, he nodded and shrugged his shoulder and we didn't talk about it again.

his car is in his driveway, so he's definitely home. but what if he already had company over or something?

"sam?" i call out closing the door behind me. he didn't answer. "you home?" i say, looking around downstairs to see if he was here.

i search the entire downstairs before i make my way upstairs. my sisterly worry starting to kick in.

his bedroom door was cracked, so i knocked it. i heard some shuffling around, and then he perked his head out.

"oh, i forgot you were coming over." he said, not opening the door all the way.

"i can leave if your busy." i say, i don't want to interrupt whatever he was up to.

"no, it's fine." he says. "i'll be down in a minute."

i walk back downstairs, and i wait a couple of minutes for him.

eventually, which it hasn't even been 5 minutes yet, he walks downstairs. he walks into the living room after stopping in the kitchen.

he hands me a sprite while he had a dr. pepper for himself.

his hair was messy, like he had been taking a nap or something i didn't want to think about, and his shirt was on backwards.

i try to hold back my laughter, after realizing what my brother was up to. i hear footsteps from upstairs, and i can't take it anymore.

"what?" sam says frantically. "what's so funny?" he asks.

i calmed down my laughter. "trey? can you come down here for a second?" i call out, holding back my laughter.

sam's eyes go wide then he places his head in his hands.

trey comes downstairs. "hi." he says cautiously as if he had been caught.

my familiar friend, more like frenemy was in the room, silence.

"i'm not gonna tell anyone." i say, a slight smile present on my face. trey and sam share a look and let out a sigh of relief.

"i'm going to go now." i say. "i'll let you get back to whatever you were doing." i say walking towards the door.

"more like who." i say before walking out of the door.

honestly, i'm over the moon happy for my brother. i just don't know how i didn't see it before.

him and trey are with each other very often, considering they are both defensive ends for the same team.

i can't help but think, and i'm sure trey and sam have both thought the same thing, what if things don't work out between them?

obviously, i think they will and i hope they will. but humans always have contradictory thoughts.

if things don't work out, what will happen to the team? or what will happen to them? what about our friend group?

i push these thoughts aside, convincing myself that everything will be fine, it will all work out.

once i get home and back to my apartment, i realize i'm home alone which doesn't surprise me.

emily hasn't been here very much, she gets home pretty late most days, i only really see her when she works, sometimes she even leaves for a couple of days.

i'm not mad about it, it would just be nice to know what's going on. we still hang out, but just not as often.

jamar has been the same way, when i ask him to hang out, he's always busy which isn't really like him.

i've been needing to get out of the house recently, because i'm alone, but jamar is busy, he's always busy when emily isn't here.

hold on. i'm noticing a pattern here.

jamar is busy when emily isn't here. i've noticed some tension between the pair recently.

they are dating. this is probably the best thing i could ask for, my best friends are dating.

it's kind of ironic that people in our friend group are dating each other, jamar and emily, trey and sam, joe and tyler should just date now. i'm joking, olivia is an amazing girl.

tee :)

could you come over
tomorrow?

sure, is 3 good?

perfect

luckily, i don't have work tomorrow. usually i do on fridays but once a month i have fridays off.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

i'm so mad rn.

the chiefs are officially my least favorite team in the nfl.