unrequited love • tee higgins

009

LAME
lily's point of view ~ tee's point of view

march 25, 2022

i've been thinking. whenever i think, it's like i'm drowning.

thoughts overlap with one another until i'm drowning in an endless oceans of words and thoughts.

today's thought in particular was the wonderful human being that i know a tee higgins.

you may be wondering what is there to think about? probably assuming there isn't much, but there is.

a blessing and a curse about him is that he can send you into a spiral of endless thoughts.

whenever i think of tee, a plethora of words come to mind.

the one in bold on the page is love, so i'm going to think about the art of falling in love.

falling in love is like running away.

when you run away, you feel crazy yet sane. you're running away from something, so you feel like that will make you safe.

you feel crazy because you are actually running away.

when falling in love, you realize you chose to remember the little things about this person.

on days you see said person, the sun shines a little bit brighter and your smile is a little more real than most days.

love is the same as every thing in life also could never be more different than every thing in life.

one thing i know about love is that it is painful.

it's painful loving someone from afar. watching them from the outside.

falling in love is knowing that you love someone more than you loved them yesterday, but less than you will tomorrow.

the higher you build the wall around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.

that is why, when i met tee, i put up a tiny fence that with the first word he spoke was like a key, opening the gate and letting him inside.

i don't know where the key is anymore, and i don't think i want to.

falling in love with him was never my plan, until one day, i realized that i love this person too much.

i hate to be lame, but it might be true. what might be true you may ask?

it's nothing exciting or extraordinary, because it's something i've grasped for a while. but i've never said or processed these words to myself.

i am in love with tee.

💌

tee's point of view

🕰️

as i am sitting here, looking at the project i had made for lily, i realized.

i realized what this was all for, what it did mean, what it does mean, and what it will mean.

falling in love is about taking the shots in the dark and this is one of them.

all thought i do have a lamp in the corner, thanks to the information i received from jamar.

but for some reason, i can't help but feel like that lamp in the corner is flickering, i can see one minute, then the next, i can't.

i need to stop with light fixture metaphors.

i know i'm in love with lily, and i think i've known that since the day i met her.

something about her smile, something about the way the corner of her eyes crease when she laughs.

and i've learned to love the little things about her. the way she feels her finger nails when she's anxious, how to tell when she's faking a smile.

i know what she's thinking just by looking at her eyes.

that's what makes her different from being my friend. i don't know or cherish all the little things that emily does or that joe does, because they are just my friends.

i know lily isn't my friend, and i like that she means more to me than a friend.

for a while, i definitely tried to deny it, being in love with her.

i always just thought i loved her like i love my friends, i tried to convince myself that.

and i think the first stage is denial, which i definitely endured.

the second stage was most definitely anger, i was mad that i was falling in love with her.

i remember distinctively being mad about it.

the third stage, bargaining. i was thinking about the terms, weighting out the pros and cons.

pros: being in love with lily hubbard.

cons: being in love with lily hubbard.

and then i accepted i was in love with her, which is the stage i'm in now.

you may know these as the stages of grief but i feel like they apply to being in love as well.

falling in love with her was never my plan, until one day, i realized that i love this person too much.

i hate to be lame, but it might be true. what might be true you may ask?

it's nothing exciting or extraordinary, because it's something i've grasped for a while. but i've never said or processed these words to myself.

i am in love with lily.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

so, this chapter was solely just their thoughts but i kind of wanted it to be that way

lmk if you like it