unrequited love • tee higgins

007

QUESTIONS
tee's point of view

march 23, 2022

i am not a big fan of questions. some of them can destroy things, some of them can make them.

the thing is, what someone asks a question, you never know how serious it is. they could ask you to pass the salt, or they could ask you very deep questions.

my least favorite question in particular, 'is can we talk?' most of the time, it never means anything good, so today, when i planned to ask lily out, she asks me this question.

"can we talk?" she asked, we were over at jamar's house, which is where jamar said we should execute my plan.

this definitely would put a dent in it depending on what she wanted to talk about. "sure." i said, trying to not let my nerves get the best of me.

we sat down on the swing bench outside, it's march so it isn't super cold.

"so," she says, she seems nervous. that makes me feel nervous. "do you remember that guy i dated in college?" she asked.

i remember, i remember everything she tells me. she broke up with him because she wanted to focus on her future.

"yeah, i remember." i say confused on where this was going. "you never told me his name." i say.

"well he gave me this letter a little over a week ago." she said.

she showed me the picture and i read the letter. i couldn't help but feel a little bad for whoever this mystery ex was.

as i read the letter, i wondered why this was convenient. - justin fields justin fields was her ex?

i handed her the phone back, but i still don't understand why this was so important.

"it made my mind confused, very confused." she said. she told me everything that happened this last week and with every new thing she told me, my heart shattered a bit more.

you know that feeling in your throat when you know you are about to cry? like every time you swallow it hurts that lump? that's how i feel.

"i'm okay now, i promise." she said, and she looked like she meant it.

i figured today wouldn't be the best day to execute my plan, so it's going to have to wait.

"thank you for telling me, lily." i say, it takes a lot of courage to talk to someone about basically anything.

we sat there for a little bit, looking out at the neighborhood, which wasn't that fun.

every one in a while, someone would walk past with a dog or just going on a walk.

"i have to get ready to go, i have to get ready for work." she says, breaking the silence.

i said goodbye and she left, i went back inside to jamar sitting on the couch.

"not today." i said plopping down on the couch.

"you got time, just don't want too long." jamar said patting my shoulder.

"we should go to dinner tonight, invite joe, tyler, and sam." i suggested.

"where to? we might not be able to make a reservation of such sort notice." he replied. she saw the look my eye and was thinking the same exact thing i was.

🕰️

i got ready for dinner back at my house, and drove to the restaurant. everyone else was there already.

trey decided to come along as well. we were able to pull a few strings and get a reservation at boca.

by a few strings i mean jamar begged lily and emily to get us a table.

the hostess seated us at one of the tables towards the back, "your waitress will be right with you." she said before walking away.

i was hoping it would be lily, i wanted to see her face one more time today.

"so, did you do it yet?" trey asked, they all knew what 'it' was.

"no," i say earning eye rolls from the group. "it's complicated, but i'll do it eventually." i said, i only know that jamar knows about it, i didn't want to put her business out in the open like that.

"hi, my name is lily, i'll be your server," lily said before stopping herself, realizing who was in front of her.

"can we have a different serve please?" sam asked jokingly, lily rolled her eyes at him.

"what do you guys want to drink?" she asks.

we all asked for waters, a few minutes later, she came back with them.

"any appetizers?" she asked, joe got a salad but other than that, we didn't get any.

"lily, one of your tables is asking for something. get it done." he said snapping his fingers, i assumed it was her manager.

"yep, sorry. on it." she said quickly before leaving our table.

"he's so annoying." sam said, he probably knew more about him than we all do.

"anyways, i have something to tell you guys." sam said.

"you aren't gay anymore?" jamar joked, trying to lighten up the mood in which he was successful.

"no, um." sam said before lily came back to the table.

she took our orders and left again. "what were you saying?" tyler asked, everyone's attention on sam.

"nothing." he says dismissing the conversation. joe and i share a confused look, but don't pressure him to say anything further.

🕰️

we left the restaurant, it was 7:30 now, i drove back to my house and streamed on twitch for a while.

yes i am an nfl player who streams on twitch. cry about it.

anyway, after i finished streaming, i finished a part of the project i am working on for lily, i really hope she likes it.

what if she says no? what if she laughs in my face? what if it ruins our friendship? what if she hates me after? what if it doesn't work out?

i go to bed, the what if's haunting my sleep.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

TODAYS THE SUPERBOWL!!!! GO BIRDS!!!

the score will be 37-34 eagles dub