Three weeks had passed since that chilly night on Auden's front stoop. Fall time had set in within the streets of Dublin. Red, yellow, and orange leaves scattered about the walkways and the air was crisp and bright.
She had not spoken to Cillian since she last saw him, nor had she made an attempt to. She was angry with him for pushing the boundaries he had set, playing with her emotions, and intruding on her constantly. Auden was not going to apologize for seeing Patrick - she had no reason to. In all honesty, she had fully expected him to show up at her apartment or her office that first week. Auden had mapped out a speech in her head for when he did. However, Cillian never showed up or reached out.
Though she was mad at him, it hurt her to know that it seemed like he didn't intend on fixing things with her. Her feelings for him remained the same, but Cillian had to sort out his priorities before she would venture down the possibility of them together.
In an effort to rid her mind of the Irish man, she spent more time with Patrick. They had grown close, but she suspected that Patrick's feelings were much more romantic than hers. She found Patrick attractive, stunning even. He was well-educated, put together, and certainly knew a lot about her interests. But her heart was not in it. Auden spent nights forcing herself to picture a world where Patrick and she got together, dominating the Dublin art scene and traveling across Europe to see all its artistic history. But her mind always went back to Cillian - to his depths of his bright blue eyes, the way his lips formed into a soft, shy smile, and the way his touch melted into her skin. Her heart and body yearned for him so intensely that it frightened her.
Auden had been with men before. She dated casually while in school, that was until she met James. James was the only other person that she had been physically and emotionally intimate with, but James never gave her the fiery feeling that Cillian did. James had made her feel comfortable and secure, at least in the beginning stages of their relationship. It was never full of lust or longing. No, it was reassurance, rather than passion, that drove Auden to James initially. It was what she needed as she tackled the priorities around her PhD - she wanted to feel confident in her work and James gave her that. She had fallen in love with the security James had given her, and in turn she fell in love with him. But James had shattered that sense of stability the moment her father had died. He could no longer give her the emotional consistency she needed - it became too hard, and James decided to walk away.
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𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || Cillian Murphy ¹
Fanfiction𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮... In which a 28 year old American girl meets a 46 year old Irish celebrity, where they bond over loss and learn to love again. First Installment of the Auden & Cillian series *UNDERGOING EDITS!* TW: Age Gap...