𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || Cillian Murphy ¹

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒯𝓌𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓎-𝐸𝒾g𝒽𝓉

One Year Earlier: December 2nd

Auden was sitting in a hard plastic chair, wrapped in a heavy blanket as she attempted to get some sleep. It was early in the morning, but the blizzard happening outside the window had caused the room to darken. She had spent all night grading papers, but now she had nothing else to distract herself. She supposed she should get some hours of rest in. She sat there for an hour, tossing around in the chair, praying her mind would slow down enough for her sleep.

However, sleep never came — it rarely did these days.

She sighed, uncurling her body from the chair as she cracked her eyes open. She looked at the clock that hung on the wall. It was 5:30 in the morning. Her father lay in the metal bed,  a white sheet covering his waist. Long tubes extended from his arms, connecting to machines that were monitoring his vitals. He was asleep, which was how he spent most of the days recently. The doctors had loaded him with so much pain medicine that her father could only manage to stay awake for two hours at a time. His face was so pale and his cheeks were severely sunken in, making Auden's heart ache.

As she gazed at him from the hospital chair, Auden wondered how much longer his body would continue to fight. She knew in the back of her mind that her father didn't have much time left. It was something that the hospice nurse reminded her everyday.

"Audie?," her father croaked. She felt a surge of excitement that he was awake and she quickly stood up and rushed to his side.

"Hey Dad," she murmured, grabbing his hand. It was so cold to the touch that she began rubbing her palm over it to warm him up. "How are you feeling?"

Her father tilted his head towards her, the corners of his lips tilting upward, "Better now that you are here," he replied, squeezing her hand softly.

Auden smiled, "I'm always here, Dad."

"You should be teaching," his voice came out hoarse and gravely. Auden let out a small snort. Her dad always had to keep her in check, even on his deathbed.

"I don't have a class today," Auden lied. She had class but she had cancelled it — like she had been doing for the last two weeks. She was sure her students were happy, especially so close to holiday break.

"It's the middle of the week. I know you have work," her father said, shooting her a look that he always gave when he knew Auden was fibbing.

"Leave it to you to still discipline me in this state," Auden laughed gently.

"Someone has to," her dad smiled, before letting out a choked laugh.

His laugh turned into coughing suddenly, causing a rip of anxiety to flow through her. He struggled to sit up, so Auden forced her arms under his frail back and gave him a gentle push. As he coughed into a tissue, Auden rubbed his back.

"I hate that you have to take care of me," her dad breathed as Auden laid him back down. His breathing was shallow and forced, as if it took all of his bodily strength to do it.

When she grabbed the tissue paper to throw it away, there was some speckles of bright red blood. Auden swallowed, quickly looking away and throwing it in a bin.

"You took care of me for twenty-seven years. It's time I return the favor," Auden responded meekly.

Her father was quiet for a moment and Auden began to suspect that he had fallen asleep. However, he squeezed her hand once more before speaking again, "I am so tired Audie."

She felt her eyes begin to well with tears as she looked at him. "I know," she whispered as she lifted her dad's hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles hesitantly. They had never been affectionate like this before, but something in Auden told her that there wouldn't be another moment like this.

Her father let go of her hand and gently brushed her dark hair from her face, "Just like your mother. Her hair was is always in her face."

It was the first time Auden had heard her father speak about her mother in a long time. It was only on rare occasions, like when he was drunk, that her mother would come up in conversation. Even then, remarks were short and often unreadable. Auden learned pretty early on in her childhood that the topic of her mother was off the table, so she was surprised that he had brought her up just now.

"I tried so hard to do right by you, my baby girl," Auden's dad continued, his hand shakily grazing her cheek.

Auden's vision began to blur from the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't know why her father was being so open with her, but she embraced it. She had always yearned for his affection, his reassurance and guidance. It just sucked that it had to be in this moment.

Her father brushed away a tear that had escaped, "You are my life Audie. I have never loved anything else as much as you. I should have told you that more," her father whispered. Auden felt like she was going to crumble under the weight of her father's words. Tears began streaming down her face as her heart shattered.

He knew he was dying. And he was saying his goodbye.

It was all too much.

"Please don't leave me Dad," she began to plead with him, as if he even had a choice, "I can't do this without you. You're all I have."

"You can do this," he responded softly, closing his eyes, "You are your father's daughter after all. I made sure of that."

"Dad please," Auden felt herself stand up, though she didn't know how she had the strength. His hand slipped from her face and landed limply on the bed. She stood over him, over his bed, gripping the side handles. Her dad was still breathing, but he was slipping away, back to the unconscious realm where he was painless and cancer-free.

"Dad," Auden begged one last time. But there was no response. Auden felt herself sink to her knees, her hands still holding tightly to the handrails so she wouldn't drown in the ocean of grief she had found herself thrown into. She leaned her head against the side of the cold, sterile bed frame and cried.

It was the hardest Auden had ever cried in her life. Auden stayed in that spot for nearly an hour, until her arms grew numb from their grip and she could no longer support herself. A part of her knew her dad would never wake up again, and she was right. Because only four hours later, her father slipped away forever to a world where he could finally find peace.

AN: I know this is a short one, but I couldn't bring myself to add to it like I was planning. I felt like the ending was too impactful but we will see how Auden manages the anniversary of her dad's death in the next chapter. Also, sorry for the whiplash from smut to grief lmao!