Oreo Ice Cream

Chapter 24| Permanently branded

Songs for this chapter:

The One That Got Away- Katy Perry

It's OK- Nightbirde

[Warning: This chapter contains curse words. You might be uncomfortable with that, so sorry about it. Enjoy!]

Something swelled inside me—something nauseatingly chaotic. Everything was so fucked up now. It seemed things wouldn't be the same now. This was the exact moment when none of those Pinterest sad quotes, my Spotify playlist of blues songs, or even Sylvia Plath's poems worked with the things going on in my life. They were minor things that they used to express bigger things. But life's beyond that. It's a labyrinth of everything and nothing. And the time when you realize it, things feel raw and lost. Sometimes I wished to curl up and live in my perfectly-sculpted misery in the core of darkness. Only on those rare times when Dad's blurry face popped into my head could I feel the sunbeam upon my cold feet.

I wanted to cry out loud. I wanted a brush of fingertips through my hair. I wanted to hear, "Everything will be fine as long as I'm here." I wanted Dad today. Knots formed in my stomach as I laid on the bed—clutching the pillow near my chest. I couldn't believe Mum was dating that fucking bastard. A part of me wished to take things easily. Mum sacrificed so much for me; she's spent sleepless nights crying for dad until she took on drugs; I've never seen her happy since then—the kind of happiness that glowed on her face when Dad was around. But the next moment, it hit me. She was wearing the clothes Daddy gave her; she was in Dad's house with someone else. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was the last thing I expected from her after she took on drugs. I was caught between a rock and a hard place again. Our family was slowly shattering into fragments of despair. The air was thick in the blues and self-pity.

"Lorrie?" A knock came through with a soft call. Not the kind that I'm used to hearing, but the one that's raw in guilt. I sat up and breathed deeply. I couldn't shut my thoughts off my damn head. All I could see now was a red haze, and the constant thrumming of my heart was another sign that things could never be less than worse.

"Lorrie, baby." Mum called again. Damn! A wave of disgust swept across me to even call her Mum.

"Lo-" She rushed into my room as I clenched my jaw. A strong smell of lemon sugar made me scrunch my nose. This lady... I could see her through one corner of my eyes. She's already changed into her usual-sleeved shirt and flared trousers meaning that her shit boyfriend or whatever had left. She came closer and stood, her hands clasped in front.

"What do you want?" I asked through my gritted teeth, looking away. I could feel my nerves threatening to explode anytime now. A muscle in my forehead twitched a little as I clutched the bedsheet.

"Lorrie," her voice softened as my bed creaked. She sat on it, I knew. How dare she come here after that?

I squeezed my eyes in anger. Hot blood crashed into my ears, cheeks, head—everywhere. "Look," I inhaled and licked my lower lip before facing her. Her hair was a mess, but the makeup was intact, glittering all over. "If you have come here with your shit things to say about what happened downstairs with Tristan's Dad, you may go. I don't give an absolute fuck about your life." I didn't care about my words; they were reckless this time. Words meant deeper than usual when thrown out recklessly, unlike spitting them over one's face.

"Flora, look–" She started when I boomed at her.

"You cheated! You fucking betrayed my father!" A lump formed in my dry stomach. Good lord, I've never been the one fighting like a sick woman. "You promised... you promised him a shit load of things, and you broke them! You still are. You're ruining our family, yourself, and me, Mum. Tris's Dad?" Tears threatened to well in my eyes. My heart was loud, too loud for anyone to hear. "That fucking bastard? I can't believe it... What about Dad? What about... me?" I sniffled. Daddy, I love you. His favorite ringtone echoed in the back of my mind.