Affections

Chapter 4

Affections

Myra
Ever been in a position where the pain in your heart is something you live with. Fighting tears becomes a difficult task. You'd rather want to cease to exist. Never to be seen, living like a myth. Living with the realization that person besides you is better.  I can wool gather over the thought of being whole again, being brought back from my oblivion into the blasting music in my ears.

I'm better off all by myself

Though I'm feeling kind of empty without somebody else

Oh, I hear you crying out for help

But you never showed for me when I was ringing your cellphone

Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone

Baby oh, I'll make you know, I'll make you know, oh

I'm drowning, let me breathe…
I'm drowning, let me breathe…
I'm drowning, let me breathe…

I have an unhealthy fetish for music, but it kept my heart in one piece, when it should have been in millions. I've been through some bash that I should be a savage, who would have thought it turned to a savage.

There is an end to my peaceful talk with Beatrice. We both had to head home. I'm not ready yet. A few minutes, wandering the empty school, leave me staring at the football field.

The guys played, I spotted Bellamy, who hadn't been with them for some time. What's with the change of heart? Anyway, not my concern.

I simply watched them as time ticked by. My interest drawn there every passing second. It took a lot to get the ball to the net. The sweat showing off their muscles, why can't I have popcorn with this?

I'm making a change to my sad world, beginning with accepting true facts, one, Mid-City High has a lot of breathtaking boys. Two will be drawn out with time.

Chase had a problem with passing the ball, he only passed to Bellamy. Which made the other bark, Bellamy and Chase left to toast in their dilemma.

Bellamy looked up, like he felt a presence when no one did. That is a bad thing. He noticed me. Ronnie smashes a ball in his face in the moment of distraction. They take it to a fight.

Where the heck is popcorn, hot dudes are fighting? Ok, I'm done being the new girl, it is time to face my dilemma.

I left there for the Ashford's home. With a scar on my skin, came a memory. A fire to quenched in my burning heart. Vivid images left to ruin my sleep. I live like a coward to request for freedom. Freedom that can only be taken by force. Along with my fears comes anger. It takes more to embrace fear to what needs to be done.

But there are greater fears that can't be embraced, my mother's pregnancy. She won't leave unmarred with a baby after a fight or rough rebel. Patience is only a word for stalling your troubles, that is where I stand.

I stepped into the house, to see my mother reaching for ingredients in the up kitchen chambers. A hand strained up and the other calming the weight of her condition.

I touched her shoulder to step back, getting the ingredient she was seeking. Silence is the way around here when words hurt the most.

She forced a smile, an impossible attempt. Tears brewed in her eyes and I cuddled her saying in response to her, a response that should have been giving some time ago, “I'm sorry, too Mom”.

She cried into my white sleeves, her hands gripping my hair. She still had tears, mine are long wasted.

Damien walked in, glaring daggers at me, walking past. What day is this, he walked past me? Tuesdays, may have more surprises in store for me. We shall both make it out of here, it's just a soon coming Tuesday.