Future of the mockingjay

Chapter fifteen: Overwhelmed

"Have a good day at school, kids," I say, kissing both their cheeks. I wave as I they walk into the building, trying to smile at them.

After the dream last night, my family was the only thing anchoring me down to reality. Without them, I'm sure I'd go crazy.

"Hey, did they go inside already?" Peeta asks, running up to me with the groceries in his hand.

I nod and turn around, making my way back home. For a while, we walk in silence, staring awkwardly at the ground.

"So do you want to visit Haymitch today?" I ask, trying to break the ice.

"It's the dreams again, isn't it?" he asks, skipping right to the point. Since last night, we haven't discussed anything about what happened.

I take a deep breath, trying not to remember anything. "They're not just dreams," is all I can respond with.

He nods thoughtfully, taking my hand as we turn onto our street. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I don't hesitate, "No."

"Katniss," he says, trying to reason with me.

I ignore him and open our door. I quickly take the groceries and made myself busy with putting them in the right places.

"Katniss," Peeta tries again, rubbing my shoulders.

"Peeta, please." I shrug away from his touch.

"You're going to have to confront your fears sometime, Katniss." He looks me straight in the eye. "You've survived two of the Hunger Games. If anyone can handle this, it's you."

I sit down on a chair, holding my head between my hands. He sits down beside me quietly, rubbing my back.

"It was pitch dark," I start, whispering the words. I can feel him tense beside me as he prepares himself for the rest.

"And... Prim was there," I continue, forcing the word out. I squeeze my eyelids with my hands to help control the tears. "She kept screaming my name, asking for help. But..." I start sobbing and can barely force the words out.

"But...?" he evokes.

"I can't do this!" I yell in frustration, breaking down again. "Peeta, please!" I sit up and hold his face between my hands. "I can't possibly ask you to understand what I'm going through."

Instead of comforting me as I thought he would, Peeta's face becomes rigid and his shoulders stiffen. He pulls away from me slowly. "Peeta?"

"How can you say that, Katniss?" he asks in a deathly tone. I don't know how to respond.

"How can you say, that I don't know how that feels?" His eyes are full of pain and hard memories as he fixes his hard gaze on me.

"Peeta," I say, getting confused, "she was my sister."

"She was my mother. They were my siblings." He stands up, facing me. His hands are trembling. "I lost them all, Katniss. My parents, my siblings, I have nothing! Nothing!"

I look down shamefully. Peeta had lost all his family in the bombing of District 12. "Peeta I'm... I'm so sorry."

"I can understand," he says softly, "how you're being troubled by these nightmares. But when will you move on, Katniss? You have your mother, your children! You have me."

"You can't just ask me to move on, Peeta!"

"I can't? What about your family now, Katniss? You have two children to take care of. They can't grow up with struggling parents."

"I'm trying!" I say desperately, crying again.

"I know. But it's been over twenty years."

"Are you questioning my sanity?" I demand, standing up as well.

"You know I love you," he says, taking my hand. "But the way you're acting... it's not you. You're not the Katniss I once knew."

I feel as if he's shot an arrow through my heart. "What are you saying, Peeta?" The words are barely a whisper.

"I'm saying," he says, taking a step back, "that you need to realize that we're all here for you. You need to be thankful for what you have, instead of suffering with your past. I'll give you some time to think, OK?"

"Peeta, wait!" I yell, reaching out. It's no use; he's already out the door.

What just happened?

I slump down on the floor, staring at the door uselessly. Did he just leave me?

I shake my head, getting back up. "Calm down, Katniss. He's just overwhelmed." Now I'm talking to myself, maybe I am going mad.