Future of the mockingjay

Chapter twenty-one: Answers

"Gale?"

He spins around, staggering backwards. "Katniss! I didn't hear you coming. But then again," he says, walking towards me, "no one ever hears you unless you want to be heard."

I am too shocked to do anything. I don't know whether I should hug him, or turn around and run away. His eyes search mine, and his hands twitch, as if he wants to hug me.

It seemed like we stood there for hours, staring at each other. Just seeing Gale brought back so many memories, so many feelings.

"You shouldn't be here," I finally manage to say. The words felt so wrong, coming out of my mouth. I wanted to hug him, to beg him to stay and never leave me again. Instead, I turn around, willing my feet to move.

His strong hand grasps my trembling one, and he pulls me back. "Catnip," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"It took you twenty years to figure that out?" I say, pulling my hand away as if I had just touched an open flame.

"Katniss, I never meant to hurt you!" he protests.

"So why did you?" I ask, turning around to face him. "Why did you have to leave me without a goodbye?"

"I..." he struggles with his words, lines forming on his forehead as he thinks.

"You don't know," I finish for him. "Sorry, Gale. But I should be getting back to Peeta."

Gale stiffens, fire flaming up in his eyes. "Peeta." He spits out the name, as if it leaves a dirty taste in his mouth. "I don't know why you ended up having kids with him."

I stepped up to him, until our faces were close. "You don't know him like I do, Gale! Peeta loves me, and I love him."

"You only love him because he was your only option!" Gale yells back.

"I love him because I chose to!" I narrow my eyes at Gale, moving even closer. "Peeta would never leave me."

"Katniss, it's not like I had a choice!" Gale says, throwing his hands into the air.

"What do you mean you didn't have a choice? Why did you leave?" I ask, practically hissing the last words.

"Because I was ashamed," he says, dropping his gaze. "I knew how hurt you were about loosing Prim. I just couldn't bear to even think that I had caused that pain you were feeling."

I absorb his words, and their meaning slams me in my chest, making me stagger for breath.

"So your parachutes did kill Prim." It wasn't a question.

Gale looks up at me, a shiny tear rolling down his tan skin. I rarely see Gale cry; actually, I don't think I ever have. So it shocks me even more when his tears really start to flow, and I find myself hugging him.

"She was like a sister to me, too," he says, pulling away to look me straight in the eyes. "They tricked me, Katniss. They told me they wouldn't put bombs in the parachutes. I believed them. And after it had all happened, they told me that there must be a traitor amongst us who rigged the parachutes."

"You could've just told me," I whisper, closing my eyes.

"I know," Gale says, guilt weighing down heavily on his words. "And I would have, but... sometimes I'm just not as brave as I think I am."

"Oh, Gale," I say, stepping back. "Why now? Why did it take you all these years to apologize?" So many memories are flooding back to me, and I have a hard time keeping my mind straight.

Think of Peeta, think of the children! You can't let your feelings be toyed with!

"I was going to apologize that other time we met... but I didn't know that you were with Peeta and, well, things were just different..."