Future of the mockingjay

Chapter twenty-four: Mourning

"Tell me where he went!" I beg, shaking Haymitch's shoulders.

"Katniss," he says calmly, pushing my hands away gently. "Calm down. Stop acting this way! You can't let your emotions get the better of you."

Shaking, I loosen my grip, standing up straight. My knife is still strapped to my thigh. I shudder, sickened that I even thought of threatening Haymitch with it.

"I'm glad you didn't hold that knife up against me, sweetheart," he says, reading my face. "I saw you feeling your leg as you came in. Remember, I'll always be you mentor."

"You're Peeta's mentor too," I say, my body still tense. "Where did he go?" The words flow effortlessly out of my mouth, but each word is like a knife slitting my throat.

He looks at me, a hint of compassion in his usually lifeless gray eyes. He reaches out to hold my hand, squeezing it lightly. "Sweetheart, I don't know." He shakes his head slowly, looking down. "I really don't."

I look at Haymitch disbelievingly. "That's it?" I ask, surprised. "You just... you just don't know?"

"Katniss..."

"He's really gone?" I let go of Haymitch's hand, slumping down to the floor. The cool tiles on the floor are a relief to my burning skin. I curl up on the floor, refusing to move, refusing to even think.

And then, like someone pulling me out from under a lake, Haymitch says: "He really loved you, you know. Still does, wherever he is."

Wherever he is.

The words echoed in my mind, and I tried forcing myself to forget them. It's foolish, I know, to try and forget. I should know better than anyone else that it's the worst memories you can never push away.

Peeta, I think, the word flowing over my mind like honey, Peeta please come back. I need you.

I let go and let myself slip back under the water.

xXx

The door bursts open, and heavy footsteps pound on the floor. People rush in, asking Haymitch if he's OK, if I hurt him.

"Where is she?"

Gale? Why is Gale here? He should leave. I want him to go.

"She fainted, knocked herself out. There, on the ground," Haymitch says, sounding a little concerned.

People rush over. I can't see them, but I can feel their warm breath as doctors crouch over me, checking to see if I'm still alive.

Please tell me I'm dead.

"She's still breathing," a man announces. "It's OK, Mr. Hawthorne, she's going to make it."

I'm going to make it? How does he know that? I can't go on alone, and as long as I don't have Peeta, I am alone.

"Catnip?" Gale brushes the hair away from my face. I want to bite his fingers. "Catnip, it's going to be alright. You're going to be alright."

No, I really won't.

"Think of your children," I hear Gale say as I am lifted up and placed on a stretcher. "Rue and Finnick. They need you, Katniss."

My children. When they grow up, will they even remember their father's face? Will I?

As I am wheeled out of the room, I hear an argument between Gale and a lady.

"She doesn't need that," Gale growls. "She's already unconscious."

"We don't know for sure," the lady snaps back. "Please, Mr. Hawthorne, you need to step back and let me do my job."

"Katniss doesn't need it!"

There's a disturbance in the background and I hear Gale being taken away, still arguing.

Oh Gale, why do you always have to cause trouble?

"Thank goodness he's gone," the lady says, moving closer to me. I smell her sickeningly sweet perfume as she leans over me. "If you can hear me Katniss, I want you to relax. This won't hurt a bit."

A smooth needle slides into my arm, stinging as she injects the medicine. Almost instantly, a blanket of calmness is pulled over me. I drift away from the hospital slowly, glad to be away from reality.

I know this smell. Sharp, strong, and clean... too clean.

I hate hospital rooms and medicine. It only reminds me of the Games. And the Games remind me of the Capitol. There's beeping in the background, and I feel a needle in my hand.

I reach over with my other hand, trying to find the needle and pull it out. A strong, callused hand grabs mine, pushing it back down to the bed.

"Oh no you don't." Gale's husky voice sounds too loud.

I groan. Why can't he just be quiet?

"Can you hear me, Katniss?"

No duh.

"Wait here, I'll go call the doctor," Gale frantically says.

"Like I can go anywhere," I muster up the strength to say. My voice sounds rough and dry, and the words scrape my throat as they come out. I shut my mouth instantly.

"Oh Katniss, I'm so glad you made it," Gale says, kissing my forehead. I let him, but only because I was immobilized.

Otherwise, I would've punched him. Really hard.

Doctors come rushing in, and they all sound happy. Excited, even. They flutter about, and it annoys me that I don't even know what they're doing to me.

The light is already bright behind my eyelids, but I force myself to crack open my eyes just a bit. An overwhelming flood of light hits me, and I slam my eyelids shut again.

As I watch the bright, flashing circles dance behind my eyelids, I try opening them again, this time squinting as I adjusted to the light.

Once the brightness was no longer painful, I opened my eyes.