Alter Ego Stand up

Stand Up by Takeshita Miiko

Warning: If you don't like black humor, do not continue reading this.

People are insatiable, they want more," Nagisa said upon hearing people shouting for more comedy.

"While we're at it, I'd like to see if the President knows any good jokes," Kurumi said.

"Who are you calling President?" Haruna asked angrily.

"A classic," Kurumi laughed.

"Don't you want to try, Rondo?" Miyu asked.

"I'm sure that, for the Fandom, we're the most boring group. Although we also have the most common sense," Hiiro said.

"Nagisa, no. It doesn't make sense to treat your motorcycle like a baby," Tsubaki said.

"Hey! Don't mess with her, she has feelings," Nagisa said upon hearing them attack her baby.

"Miiko wants to try stand-up, she liked what Miyu-chan and Kurumi-chan did!" Miiko's shout stunned the other seven.

"We could barely hear you," Haruna said sarcastically. "It was sarcasm, Miiko-san," Haruna interrupted before Miiko could shout again.

"Go, Miiko-chan, show them you know about clowns. Even if you only know about It," Kurumi said.

Miiko approached the stage and took the microphone to begin her show:

Hi everyone! Miiko is here to make you laugh! She hopes you laugh with her and not at her.

You know, Miiko likes to travel, she actually knows many languages, she only needs to learn Latin and Nahuatl, but they're not so difficult. To show you, she's going to say hello in various languages: Hola, Hello, Bonjour, Hallo, Ciao, Olá, Konnichiwa, Ni hao, Annyeonghaseyo.

Phew, Miiko wonders if Koreans ever get tired of starting a conversation. With such a long word, anyone would get lazy. As Miiko mentioned before, she has traveled to different parts of the world. She has traveled more than Gulliver, and that's saying something. And that's what Miiko wants to talk about today: The countries of the world.

Japan, the land of the rising sun. You know, Miiko has never seen the sun rise. How often is the delivery? In what hospital does it happen? Miiko wants to know. She is capable of anything to get that information. Although Miiko fails the roots of the country, she is not able to make Kamikaze moves. You know, the Japanese don't need ammunition, we are the ammunition. Oh, the prejudices! They are everywhere. But what about pride? A big prejudice, all Japanese are the same, has anyone told Americans that for us, they are all the same? They attack us for prejudices, and then they wonder why we attack their aircraft carriers.

And don't misunderstand Miiko, the United States is a great country. It has beautiful states. Once, Miiko went to New York, but she didn't find the shape of an apple. "The Big Apple" Why is it called that? They don't even produce apples. Although Miiko can't complain, the city has great skyscrapers, great theater performances, and big rats, they look like beavers, mini-toy size. One thing that saddens Miiko is that in New York, a great chess player will never be able to emerge due to the lack of towers.

The next time Miiko goes to the United States, she wants to go to Texas. She wonders if there, the horsepower of cars, is real. Also, during her stay in that country, Miiko wants to know why "To Kill a Mockingbird" is not allowed.

Another country that Miiko has visited is France. The City of Lights, where the lights almost stay on during the day. Miiko felt like "Emily in Paris" when she was there. Although it was a bit quiet, it might be because the French are experts in miming. You don't really need much hearing, it's more about the sense of smell, everything smells like a perfume hallway. Miiko was a bit disappointed that she didn't find love there.

When Miiko went to Germany, she wanted to see Anne Frank's house. Miiko wonders why Anne Frank didn't write more books. She also went to see the remains of concentration camps. Miiko imagines all the people who were there, concentrated. After all, that's why that place was called that, right? One problem Miiko saw is that Germans are very quarrelsome, they wanted to start a war for everything.

But Miiko thinks that the Poles are worse. Whenever Miiko wanted to make friends in Poland, they told her: "Hey, stay away, I feel invaded."

The opposite of them are the Mexicans. Miiko got many houses during her journey. Every house she entered, they would give it to her, after all they would say "Mi casa es tu casa" (My house is your house), they are so kind. Truth be told, Miiko can't lie, she expected to find a cactus every two meters, but what she found instead was a store called "Oxxo" every two meters. There was also a lot of wind, it was a miracle that Miiko didn't fly away. Miiko also discovered that in Mexico, the military personnel can wear tennis shoes.

The last stop on this tourist tour is Italy, and Miiko can only say that they know how to make pizzas there. And there's no door to the seven circles of hell. Miiko also went to casinos, she won, but some people dressed very curiously, she felt like she was in "The Godfather," asked her to return the money. Clearly, they did not threaten Miiko at gunpoint.

The places in the world are unique, but there is a place that Miiko would like to visit. The Land of Neverland. After all, it's ironic that you can leave. Miiko thinks that the inhabitants of Neverland should never, ever leave.

That's all for today, thank you for listening to Miiko and hope you have had a good night.

"We're going to be closed down," said Aoi.

"I think Miiko has a very dark sense of humor," said Tsubaki.

"She's more of a reckless person," said Haruna.