Meeting You

Chapter 19: Healing

Over the next couple of weeks, things ran smoothly. You got back into the groove of being at work. You cleaned out your apartment, despite it being clean. You left no object unturned as if that would somehow make everything okay. You've also been trying to get back into your hobbies more, basically just doing the things you felt like you needed to do so you could feel some semblance of comfort.

But the nightmares....the nightmares of you falling were ever so prevalent. It was a constant loop of you falling down a cliff and more often than not, you wouldn't survive. You would jerk away just as you hit the bottom, body aching with phantom pains. You haven't told anyone about this nor did you want to. Worry h/n when you barely managed to convince him you were fine? No, thanks.

Speaking of, he's been acting weird. You did ask for space but you didn't tell him to totally avoid you. Like earlier, you were walking to the printer room and he was walking towards you, focused on a folder but then when he looked up and saw you, he rushed into the nearest office and shut the door. You would've gone in after him but you didn't want to have that conversation in front of other people.

Finally, it was lunch. You walked down to meet him at the bistro and sighed with relief when you noticed he picked a table on the little terrace that had set up.

The quietness of it all was freaking you out. The scrape of his fork against his plate was freaking you out. His subtle but not so subtle glances towards you were freaking you out. The way he avoided you earlier was freaking you out? When did you become this person? The person who was overwhelmed with the littlest things and wanted nothing more than to just disappear all together.

You pushed your creamy pasta around the plate, not really having the appetite for it anymore. You used to love this pasta and made an effort to get it once a week but now it just tasted like cardboard.

"We should go back," he said suddenly, pulling you out of the downward spiral your mind was currently in.

"What do you mean?"

"I think we should go back to where you fell."

You felt your heart stop. Why? Why would he want to go back there? The place you almost died. Wouldn't it be too cruel? Wasn't it enough your mind was plagued by that place. "Why?" you barely managed to whisper.

He sighed. "I know you're not sleeping. I know you're pretending to be fine and this isn't me being overbearing, this is just me being concerned. What you went through, was as traumatic as it can get."

You knew that. You knew better than anyone that what you experienced wasn't okay. But how was going back to the same place you barely managed to escape from going to be helpful?

You looked down at your hands which were placed on your lap. "I'm scared."

You heard him move and then he was right next to you, drawing you into his body with a one armed hug. "That's why I'll be there holding your hand the entire time. We have to take away the power that place has over you. You fell and you survived."

You didn't say anything, just leaned against his warm embrace and let him be an anchor for all the bad, scary thoughts.

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You looked out the window as he drove you back there. Was it too late to turn around? Would he think less of you for chickening out? You looked over at him and he looked tense — his hands tightly clutched the wheel and his back was straight, not relaxed as it usually was when he was driving.

You watched the same scenery go by, a feeling of dread weighing you down the closer you got to the campsite. You were safe. You knew you were but that didn't change that fact that you almost died.

He pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off, and patiently sat there waiting for you. "This is all on your terms, y/n. We can sit here for hours if you'd like."

"No. I came all the way here for a reason." You climbed out of the car and walked up the path, uncaring if he was right behind you or not but you secretly hoped he was.

The more steps you took, everything became more real. This was the same path you took as you enjoyed the scavenger hunt, never thinking that something terrible was waiting for you.

As you got closer, he moved up to hold your hand, giving you unspoken comfort. Finally, you recognized the tree. Without warning, tears poured out of your eyes as you stared at the indent in the dirt where you rolled down. "It's just dirt! It's just a cliff," you sobbed. "Why is it haunting me?" You picked up some soil and threw it at a tree. "Am I so weak that something like this breaks me?"

"No! You're not weak!" He held your in his arms. "You're a survivor. It kills me. It kills me that I wasn't there to stop this from happening to you. I wish it were me."

You cried in his arms for what felt like forever and suddenly, your face felt warm. The clouds parted as the sun overtook the sky with its powerful presence and all that weight on your chest was lifted. "Thanks for making me come back here. Thank you for everything."

His embrace grew tighter and he kissed your head. "I know we had an unconventional beginning but I'll do anything to make sure you're safe. Always."

And indeed, you felt safe. You felt loved. You felt seen. Most importantly, you felt happy.