It's All Me

Chapter 12

Coco's POV

I want to break everything and anything that's in front of me. The mirror in this bathroom, the walls, pictures. Everything. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm broken. And I can't even see barely. I grab the pill bottle out of my pocket and pop two more oxycodone. I turn the faucet on and cup the water with my hand, washing down the pills. I walk out of the bathroom and take a seat at the bar, nails handing me a beer. "Have you talked to Angel? He's been avoiding me." She tells me, leaning against the bar. "Nope." I tell her, chugging my beer before standing up and walking out. "Where you going?" Gilly asks me, smacking my arm. "I'm going to take care of something." I tell him, walking out side and headed towards my car. I speed off towards the open gate and turn onto the road. Before I know it, I'm parked outside of the clinic. It's dark now, so they're closed. I can see Leilani through the window, wiping things down. I grab the bottle of pills and pop two more, swallowing them dry and leaning back.

****

I'm woken up to a tap on the window. Looking down at me is Leilani. Tired, looking with concern on her face. I roll the window down and sit up. "Is there a reason you're sleeping in the parking lot of a clinic you no longer want to be a patient at?" She asks, leaning down, not breaking eye contact with the pill bottle in my hand. "Been a long day, I came to talk. Get in." I tell her, unlocking the doors. "Coco, you've done enough talking to me today. I'd rather walk home." She states, turning to walk away. "Look, I don't care if you did or didn't do anything with Angel. And I understand if you did it because I was trying to push you away. But would you just listen? Or hear me out, at least?" I ask, going to step out of the car. I stumbled and fell to the ground. I wince at the pain in my knee and go to stand up. Those pills hit me harder than I thought. She rushes over and helps me up. "You shouldn't drive after taking those. I'll walk home from your house." She tells me and helps me to the passenger side. I crawl in, feeling woozy and almost drunk like. She hops in the driver's side and starts the engine. As we pull away from the lot, I look over at her. Her black wavy hair, tied up, a few strands, fell out. "I got dishonorably discharged from the army. Shot a cigar out of my CO'S mouth with a sniper. Bshhh, " I tell her, making a gun noise at the end, leaning my head back. She doesn't say anything. "I push people away because once they know who I really am, they leave anyways. My mom's didn't want me. Don't know my dad. Letti, she's the only one I got. My other two kids, their moms, don't want me around them. Hell, I can't even see to ride. I'm barely holding on anymore. All meanwhile, I've been pushing the one good thing that's tried to stick around. That's some fucked up shit ain't it?" I explain, watching the street lights buzz by as she drives. "Why are you telling me all of this? You made your point. I was a conquest for you." She says, turning onto my street. "That's just it. I lied. I said it to push you away. And it worked. And now it's got me all fucked up inside. I want you to know me. And I want to know you. You feel me?" I tell her, reaching for her leg. "I neeeed.....to know youu" I slur out, rest my head on the center console. Fuck I'm fucked up, but I feel good. Like I can do or say anything.

Leilani's POV

As I pull into Coco's driveway, I notice he's passed out. Is he abusing his medication? I sigh and nudge him. He doesn't budge. He's breathing but clearly knocked out. "Coco. Coco wake up. We're here, " I tell him, trying to shake him awake. He mumbles incoherently. I sigh and step out of the car. I can't leave him like this. Did he really mean what he said earlier, or was he just high? I walk towards his side of the car and open his door. Pulling his feet out first and reaching in and pulling him up and out of the car. He's heavier than he looks. I slam the door with my foot and slug him towards the door. I kick the door with my foot and letti opens up, helping me carry her father inside. We drag him towards the room and throw him on the bed. "Is he okay? What's wrong with him?" She asked, concern over her father written on her face. "He's fine. He took too many of his pain meds. He'll sleep it off." I tell her, removing his boots from his feet. She scoffs and mutters, "just like fucking Celia". What did she mean by that? I shrug it off and grab the throw blanket on the chair in the corner and lay it over Coco.  I go to walk out of the room and he stutters a bit. "Don't - don't go." He slurs, sluggishly lifting his hand up, reaching for me. I hesitate before laying next to him, studying his face as he sleeps. I trace the tattoos along his arm. He looks so peaceful. I close my eyes, and let sleep consume me as well.

****

I wake up and Coco's gone. I sit up, still in my work clothes from yesterday. I check my phone, it's dead. Great. I get up and walk towards the living room to find Coco snorting a white substance off the glass coffee table. "What the hell?" I ask, rushing over and swiping the other line off the table. "Hey what the fuck?" He questions pulling the bottle out of his pocket. It's empty so he chucks it at the wall. "That was my last one, now I've gotta go and get more." He states, snot dripping from his nose. He wipes it away and leans back. "No you don't. And you won't. You just said last night you wanted to get to know each other for real. That won't happen if you're becoming addicted to drugs." I tell him, sitting down next to him. He nods. "You're right. I'll stop. I'll be better." He tells me, leaning against my shoulder. "You're gonna kick, I'll call off work and take care of you. It's gonna hurt. But it's what's better for you." I say, leaning my head on his. "Tell me something? Anything about yourself." He asks looking up, his eyes drooping a little. "I'm from Bakersfield, California. You obviously know my weird uncle and the rest of the club. My dad died when I was 13. My mom moved us to charming to be closer to her brother. She was gunned down by mayans when I was 20. Don't worry, I don't hold it against anyone but my Uncle Alex. Um, I got in bed with Samcro. Thats how I met juice. I had Adam shortly after.  Juice became, well juice. And then I left, ended up here in Santo Padre. That's why Adam knows more Spanish than I do. The rest is pretty much meaningless." I explain, meeting his eyes. He sits up, more awake now. " why didn't you tell me mayans gunned down your mom?" He asks, concerned. "It was when the mayans and Son's were at war. Clay was still president. Santo Padre didn't even have a charter yet." I say, fidgeting with my draw string on my srub pants. He takes my hand and holds it. "I killed my mom. Cuz she hurt letti real bad. Plus she fucked me up as a kid." He says looking me in my eyes, studying me to see my reaction. "I knew Gemma, Jax's mom, killed Tara. I was in the nursery. Juice killed the sheriff to protect her. He never told Gemma I was there. Nor Jax. But my uncle Alex knew I was there. He sent me to lure Juice away. They were gonna kill him. I couldn't do it. I slipped out of the back, and him and Gemma kept their secret for a while. I could've prevented Jax from meeting Mayhem. I didn't. I ran instead." I say, holding back tears. Coco caressed my cheek, leaning in and kissing me. I leaned into it, kissing back. He pulled away studying my brown eyes. "I will never let a thing happen to you. Club or no club. Okay, preciosa?" He states, moving the stray hair away from my face. I nod and grip his arm. "Don't you have club shit?" I ask, looking over at his kutte. He shakes his head. "Nah, I gotta take a day or two away from the club. There's too much shit going on in my head. I've already been to war once. We got another one coming. Especially after we retaliated over Riz and my eyes." He tells me lighting a cigarette, trembling from the come down off oxy. "You uh- you should head to work, tho. I'm just gonna sleep this off. Until I feel better, you know?" He tells me, standing up and heading towards his room. It's almost as if our heart to heart never happened right now. "Uh, okay? I'll come here after work, yeah?" I ask, standing up and grabbing my bag. "Yeah. Yeah. I'll be here. You can take the car." He yells from the bathroom, running water starting.  He comes back out and kisses me once more. "I'll be fine. You've missed enough work. I promise." He tells me. I nod and fix my hair before taking the keys and walking outside. A smile slips onto my lips as I get in the car. I look up to find Coco watching me from the doorway. I wave and pull out of the driveway, heading towards work. I haven't felt this way in a long time. And it feels so good. It's really good, actually.