All I Want Is Everything

More drama

Are you lonesome tonight
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

Elvis Presley, Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Trigger warning: attempted suicide

Coming off the stage, Ella passed her guitar to a roadie and picked up a towel from the pile available to the band, swiping at her face before passing it over her hair and around her neck. She was sweaty and amped from the performance, but the adrenaline would fade pretty fast once she transitioned out of her music mode. They were going to go to the airport after they cleaned up and fly to their next destination, now about halfway through the tour, and she planned to nap on the short flight. While this tour certainly wasn't as bad as others she'd done, it still wasn't a piece of cake. Multiple concerts in each area allowed her and, to a lesser extent, her musicians, to do more more press and more opportunities for interactions with fans. While she enjoyed talking about her music with her fans, it was still work. And sometimes those who won tickets weren't fans. But her performances were electric, and the press seemed to agree that this tour seemed to showcase all her skills.

Bucky had come out twice, and Becca had made three shorter trips, but Ella longed to be home, planning her wedding. Or playing hide and seek with her fiancee. Or doing things other than sex with him, like talking, grocery shopping, making the bed, reading. Or just relaxing, figuring out what life was like away from the studio and performance. She was looking forward to the couple of years they'd agreed on when she'd be taking a break from recording and performing. And frankly, she needed a break. Her creativity was low on gas and she wasn't writing anything she wanted to play; she yearned to experiment with her sound and evolve. Maybe the changes she'd make would alienate fans and Flerkin would have to drop her, but she wasn't worried. She had enough money for the rest of her life with James and their (hopefully) future offspring, and she had other avenues open to her, like songwriting for others and producing.

The atmosphere on tour wasn't as harmonious as usual; her drummer Kevin had been served with divorce papers earlier in the tour and it threw a pall over things; the soon-to-be-ex-wife was suing for physical custody on the grounds that a touring musician didn't provide a sufficiently stable environment for children. It was difficult for Kevin to be away, but he also didn't want to be back in LA. Sam and Ella, future siblings-in-law, let him have space but also got Sharon to monitor him in her role as tour manager. Al, her bassist, mostly cared about whether these off-stage activities were affecting Kevin's performance, but generally kept more to himself than was his custom.

Ugh. Personal lives were a pain in the ass during a tour.

They were driven to the airport in a limo--why not enjoy the trappings of rock royalty?--and boarded their plane. It was a short flight to Kansas City and they dragged into the hotel where they were given keys, everybody on the same floor. Ella yawned so hard her jaw crackled as she leaned against the wall of the elevator, which set everybody off. Sam swatted her in retaliation. After she flicked the deadbolt on her door, she left her suitcase on the floor after unzipping it just enough to get her toothbrush and nightgown out. Sleep gently softened the satisfaction of a great show that had left her fans wanting more.

Sharon had reported to Ella backstage after the show that Kevin was depressed but she hadn't seen any bottles or drug paraphernalia when she'd swept the rooms to make sure nobody had forgotten something at the last hotel, he wasn't indulging in Jack during travel, and he didn't look like he was using. Not hyper like with coke, or spacey or confused like with heroin. Ella told him once that she wasn't going to pester him, but if he needed anything, like time away or someone to talk to, to talk to her about it and he seemed appreciative.