Stalked psychosis: memories from the same dream

Memory 1

     Like I said, I don't remember when exactly I noticed him for the first time. By now I had gotten  slightly more stressed due to the issues on my phone, I noticed my randomized playlist were starting to sound stranger. More specific, as I'm writing in this journal it's been over two years since this moment I'm writing about, but I have specific memories of songs with names like 'Trust', 'I See You', 'I love You'.

     which isn't exactly abnormal, as its music, but it just gets more and more bizarre and specific as the desperation of "Him" wanting me to figure out who He is gets stronger. Like I said I always got very little attention so narrowing it down was easy, but it just didn't make sense.  

     This day when I noticed a black Camaro trailing me, it was kind a social media drive. I would post a video in my car singing upbeat songs, something like Bruno Mars or something new from twenty-one pilots, and just talk about how we stay hogged up inside all day and we need to get out and enjoy the wind in your hair. I did just that. All the time, this day was no special. like I noticed the car, we can just call the guy Cam. I got in my car, a Genesis coupe (this detail will be important later)to just drive today, playing whatever was on my Spotify recommendations. I go out to the beach, I think, and did nothing but sit around for maybe an hour and got bored, at this point I still didn't really believe anything was going on.

     Our town was built like a big grid, no crazy twists or turns. all roads head to the beach or the highway. I was driving west on 8st, when I noticed Him, with the nerve-wracking thought that I was being 'watched' this freaked me out, so once we hit the stop light at 27th street N, I kept on like I was going to stay straight and once we all got the green light it was my turn in the middle of the intersection, I took a quick left to go south one street, 4th street, parallel to 8th street. I look in the rearview mirror to look at His car, and noticed the whole time he was driving past the intersection he was looking at me, or my car. Or both. 

     I would have just let it go, because before my mother had told me, I knew I wasn't THAT special. I didn't think I was the hottest thing around but I knew I looked slightly unique for my little republican beach town. With pale skin, more freckles than stars, auburn hair with to naturally brighter 'skunk stripes' I had given the name to, and blue eyes, I wasn't ugly but I was never the first pick, which is ironic because I am my mothers twin, down to the white blonde eyebrows I dye to hide the small, insignificant insecurity.

    A minute or two into driving south I hit the next stop light, and turn right to get back in the direction I needed to get home. A few more minutes of driving and jamming to whatever was playing, I hit the next intersection and drove through as I had the go-way. I snapped my head right to see, the first car in line at the red light going perpendicular to I, was that same black Camaro. With the same black straight glasses I made out on the 'other car'. and he was looking straight again, but for my sanity I chocked it up to he was just at the light facing me. Watching him drive straight in my rearview, as his lane of traffic got the green. I made it home without another worry as I didn't see 'Cam' again. 

    that was the common theme of every encounter though. A glimpse and music that 'spoke' to me. But it wasn't a "The Italian Mob is out to get me" or "claiming to be Jesus or the next coming of". It was just no one listened or believed me. I was the issue once again, finally trying to communicate a true fear and issue and just being ushered away to the Ward.