Stalked psychosis: memories from the same dream

memory 5

     The hard part wasn't that I was being watched. It wasn't my heart racing thinking about it...or Him. Do I even say Him? I still don't know what I'm thinking. My memories are out of order, but any time I tried to bring up my concern, "It's not real!" But, the music kept leading me to a specific person I had seen, a passer by, almost a multi-yearly occurrence until I was more stuck up in the house. But that didn't mean He was done seeing me 

     I didn't even think it was the same person, ever. Every time was a different place, house party, different haircut, a more mature looking man as each time passed. The first time was a private message, just a dumb late teenage boy, being dumb. I  didn't think anything of this kid because I googled the school He had on His profile and it was in the north-East, hours and hours away, over a days drive. Asking for racy pictures at random, when He thought the conversation was dying as a last ditch effort. Didn't work. Alternating to another app for pictures, I was at work when He had blocked me for not responding fast enough or sending anything. I think a guest had walked into the over-priced clothing store I had worked at as a 17 year-old. He had to have been maybe 19 at this point. I look back at my phone and His account character was gray, meaning He had blocked me. I checked the original app He had messaged me on, blocked there too. I scrunched my brows and laughed to myself and thought, 'that's all it took?'

     The first time I saw Him, was a house party a year later at a mutual friends house. I was her friend, He was his. I walked in and didn't notice Him. There were only eight of us to begin, I look through the 1,500 square foot house and saw my friend waving at me from the Florida sunroom. She got up to meet me in the middle, got me a beer and we went back into the sunroom. Nothing eventful happened since I left early. We sat down on the old, sunken-in, navy fabric couch and her boyfriend, Harrison, started passing around a blunt. I didn't smoke too much but wasn't going to turn it down. I had overtime forgot what He looked like, but I remember we had all gotten up to take a group shot and He was directly across from me.  

     The fact He was staring so deep into my eyes during the cheers I still hadn't thought anything of it. The eye contact made me nervous so I quickly walked around the small circle and put my shot glass into the sink, made a joke to Harrison that I had never had that flavor of liquor and when I turned around He was talking to our other single friend that came with us. I shrugged it off as just my nervousness around attractive men. I ended up leaving early and that was that, no name, no hello, and that was fine. I ended up looking at a video I had taken on the couch recently because of this, it was of Harrison taking their teenage kitten off the fridge and thought it was funny video until I saw Him emerge from the direction to the right I never glanced in. He had on a dark gray shirt and a backwards Backwoods hat on, none of these details I remembered at first. When I would try to ask how all these events were Him I got the response in song title form this time 'haircut'. I would roll my eyes, thanks captain obvious. I look back and don't know how I never noticed Him

     Another time was too quick. At the beach restaurant Harrison, his girlfriend and I worked at. His hair was styled up in a triangle in top of His head, He walked in slumped in following some rich kid I recognized that always came in. The rich kid normally came in alone, snatching the floorplan away to see if any of his buddies were working, which I had a thing for, also asking if Harrison was in. I was nice but once he walked away I always sighed and rolled my eyes. This time, He was in tow and glanced quick, I offered a smile not thinking anything of it, not linking that these could be that same person. and I never saw Him for the rest of the shift. 

     I had a nice community pool He had showed up to. still, unknowing. He was there, in bright swim trunks. I had mentioned out loud to my parents I was going in the morning, which could have been enough time to pick His balls off the ground and finally make His move. I never would have known. I drive over, even though it was a short 4 minute walk, I didn't want to carry my drinks, towel, speaker and whatever else I thought I'd need. I walk over to the gate that was inches over my head, noticing a single guy in the shallow end, I had sunglasses on to slightly hide where my eyes were looking. so did He. I walked over to the chairs and table under the giant tree for shade, I took my clothes off to reveal I had on a cute red bikini. I slid my sandals off, walking over to the pool, leaning down to put my hands on the edge of the pool so I could twist around and lower myself in the deep end. I resurfaced and saw he had gotten out to dry off.

     I got a chance to take a good look at Him, since I practically gave his a show walking past the shallow end.  When I finally got a good look at him, I was glad I decided to wear a cuter suit, since no one is there during the week, most the time I had the pool to myself. He was definitely built, toned stomach, nice arms, broad shoulder. Out of my league, I went back to my own business. I saw out of my peripheral that He sat down and I looked over again expecting to see Him on His phone since he didn't seem like the type to bring a sudoku book with him places, but He was staring straight at me. He had longer, dark, almost black hair, about at His square jawline and slightly curled. black sunglasses that helped to hide the more crucial facial features I couldn't match. I turned my head in a normal manner to try to throw that I was surprised. I laid my head down on my arms on the pool wall facing away from him. A second later I heard the chair He was sitting in, then the gate slam closed. I flicked my head to see the noise, and He was gone. 

     Another time while I was working at this restaurant, my two coworkers, and I went to our friends Halloween party. All's well, that ends well. The cops had been called for noise complaint, parked at the end of the street checking for drunk drivers, which most were. Harrison had ended up getting called to come pick up his girlfriend, I wanted to go with them but when they pulled up in a tattered old jeep, with another one of our male coworkers, which I had a very pathetic fling with later on, and Him in the back seat. Still just looking at me, He never said anything, and I barely noticed him and forgot he was there. These events happened from the age of 17 to 19, and I didn't know they were linked until I got messages leading me to it.