BITTERSWEET TRAGEDY-DAISY JONES AND THE SIX

013: blinded by love

ROD: It started like any other show, really. We had it down to a fine art. The lights went up, the band went out there. Graham played the opening of "This Could Get Ugly" and the crowd started screaming.

ARACELY: I was next to Camila and Julia in the crowd. It was the first time I had brought Mara with me to one of the shows. She was screaming like crazy when she saw Eddie walk up onto the stage.

BILLY: Camila was on the side of the stage. She let Julia stay up late. The twins were back at the hotel with the babysitter. I remember looking out onto the side, behind the curtains, and seeing Camila there, holding Julia on her hip. Camila's hair was down to her waist, practically, by that point. And it was normally brown but the summer had made it lighten up a bit, it looked more gold. The two of them—Camila and Julia—had earplugs in their ears. These bright orange things poking out of either side of their heads. I smiled at them and Camila smiled back at me. Such a gorgeous smile. Her incisors were flat. Isn't that funny? Everyone's incisors are pointed. But hers were kind of flat. And it made her smile perfect. It was a straight line. Her smile always put me at ease. And that night, in Chicago, when she smiled at me from the side of the stage...for that brief moment, I thought, Everything is going to be okay.

DAISY: It killed me. To look at him look at her. I can't think of any two things that make you quite as self-absorbed as addiction and heartbreak. I had a selfish heart. I didn't care about anyone or anything but my own pain. My own need. My own aching. I'd have made anyone hurt if it could have taken some of mine away. It's just how sick I was. I know Billy wasn't the most honest man in the book, and I know he did horrible things. However you can't prevent who you love.

WARREN: Karen and Graham seemed like maybe they were mad at each other. Eddie had been complaining about Billy—but what else was new?

DAISY: Someone in the front had a sign that said, "Honeycomb."

BILLY: People requested "Honeycomb" a lot on that tour. And I usually ignored it. I just didn't want to sing it. But I knew that Daisy liked that song, I knew she had been proud of that song. And...I don't know what came over me but I said into the mike, "Do you guys want to hear 'Honeycomb'?"

GRAHAM: I was sleepwalking through that show. I was there but I wasn't there.

KAREN: I just wanted to get through it and go back to my hotel. I just wanted some quiet. I didn't want...I didn't want to be up on that stage watching Graham watch me, feeling his judgment.

WARREN: When Billy said "Honeycomb," the whole place sounded like thunder.

EDDIE: We're all just here to perform the way Billy wants us to, right? We don't need to be told we might play a song we haven't played in a year.

DAISY: What do you say to a roaring crowd? Do you say no? Of course not.

BILLY: Daisy said, "All right, let's do it." I got up to her mike and the moment I did it, I regretted it. I could tell she didn't want me that close. But I couldn't leave. I had to make it look like everything was okay.

DAISY: He smelled like pine and musk. His hair was about half an inch too long, you could see it hanging behind his ears. His eyes were clear, and green as ever. People say it's hard to be away from the people you love but it was so hard to be right next to him.

ARACELY: I watched the smile on Camila's face fade the minute Billy got closer to Daisy. She knew, she always knew what he felt towards her. It doesn't make it any less painful.

DAISY: I started singing and I looked at him. And he looked at me. And, you know what? For three minutes, I think I forgot we were performing for twenty thousand people. I forgot his family was standing there. I forgot we were singers in a band. I just existed. For three minutes. Singing to the man I loved.

BILLY: The right song, at the right time, with the right person...

DAISY: And then right before the end of the song, I looked over to the side of the stage to see Camila standing there.

BILLY: And I just...[pauses] God, I was so frayed at the edges.

DAISY: And I knew he wasn't mine. He was hers. And then I...I just did it. I sang the song as Billy originally wrote it. No questions.
"The life we want will wait for us/we will live to see the lights coming off the bay/and you will hold me, you will hold me, you will hold me/until that day." It was the hardest line I've ever had to get through.

BILLY: When I heard her, singing the lines as I originally wrote them, singing about this future that Camila and I would have...There had been so much doubt in my heart. So much doubt in myself that I could keep going down the good road I was on. And I...[breathes deeply] Those lyrics. That small gesture. For one moment, Daisy didn't remind me that I might fail. She sang the song like she knew I'd succeed. Daisy did that. Daisy. I didn't know how much I needed it until she gave it to me. And it should have just made me feel better but it hurt, too.
Because if I was the man I wanted to be—if I could give Camila the life I'd promised her—well, I mean...there was loss in that, too.

CAMILA: It hurt, it hurt like hell. Seeing them up there, singing together. But what was I to do?

DAISY: I fell in love with the wrong guy who was exactly the right guy. And I had made decisions time and time again that made it worse and never made it better. And I'd finally pushed myself right over the edge.

BILLY: When we got off the stage, I turned to
Daisy and I didn't have any words. She smiled at me but it was one of those smiles that isn't a smile at all. And then she walked away. And my heart sank.

KAREN: After we got offstage, I accidentally bumped into Graham and I said, "Sorry," and he said, "You've got about a million things to be sorry for."

GRAHAM: I was angry.

KAREN: He seemed to think that his pain was the only pain that mattered.

ARACELY: I was with Warren trying to find Eddie, when we heard screaming coming from backstage.

GRAHAM: I started screaming at her. I know that I called her names.

KAREN: He didn't have to go through what I'd gone through. And I knew he was hurting. But what right did he have? To yell at me?

WARREN: I got backstage and Karen and Graham were screaming at each other.

EDDIE: I grabbed Karen's hand before she could hit Graham.

ROD: I brought Karen back into one of the rooms backstage. Somebody grabbed Graham. Kept them apart.

GRAHAM: I tried to find Billy. To talk to him. I needed somebody to talk to. When I found him in the lobby at the hotel after the show, I said, "Man, I need your help." And he cut me off. He said he didn't have time.

BILLY: Camila and Julia had gone upstairs and I'd hung back. I was standing in the hotel lobby. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. There was so much going on in my head. And then, before I knew it I was...[sighs] I was on my way to the hotel bar. I was walking, one foot in front of the other, to the bar to get a tequila. That's what I was doing. That's what I was doing. I was walking to the bar to get a drink when Graham came in to find me.

GRAHAM: He blew me off. I said, "It's important. For once, please. I gotta talk to you."

BILLY: I couldn't do anything but focus on what I was doing. A voice was calling to me and telling me to go get a tequila. And that's what I was going to do. I couldn't help anyone else. I couldn't do anything for anybody.

GRAHAM: I'm standing there in the lobby and I know I look like I'm struggling. I'm on the verge of tears. I don't cry. I don't think I've cried more in my life.