Shells | Lo'ak Sully

Part 17: Her

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A month had passed since the incident; To many,  those weeks felt like they flew by due to the added stress of locating Quaritch's ship and keeping their families as safe as possible at home. To another individual though, the days felt like they were being dragged along by a rope tied to his ankles, weighing triple his own weight. He could feel them strain on him, feel them get heavier, slower and slower each day, every hour even.

Lo'ak was unable to leave the reef for a month. He was being watched constantly, eyes peering in on him every so often to 'check on him', although it certainly didn't feel like that's what they were doing. To him, he felt like he was being documented, kept prisoner almost.

In a situation as such, where one feels 'watched', even if the intentions of the watchers aren't sinful, anyone would grow paranoid. Lo'ak's worries that were already a safe level of one hundred had raised to two, his anger rising along with that. — The farthest he could go away from the village was the Spirit Tree, to which he visited almost daily towards the end of the month, checking. He wanted to make sure nothing bad had happened to her, in the only way that was accessible to him. But, that wasn't enough.

Once again, he was trapped. Only this time, she wasn't there.

For the sake of his sisters, he kept away from them. He knew that if he was near people he'd get angry at them no matter the circumstances, simply because they weren't letting him leave. He understood why, though; Which, arguably, is probably what annoyed him the most. They wanted to keep him safe, of course. But, to him, his only argument was that somebody else needed saving.

Ironically, his much overused phrase 'I don't need saving', turned literal. Ni'teya would've beaten him over the head if she'd heard him say it, but either way, he meant it. It wasn't him that needed saving, he was right. She did. — Different from all the times before, it was her turn to be the one who needed saving. And so, it broke the boy infinitely that he couldn't do so, returning the countless favours she'd given him without him asking nor wanting them at the time.

Somehow, the dreams he'd have about her, even ones that consisted of her being angry at him, yelling hurtful things at him, insulting him beyond forgiveness, became the dreams he'd want to have the most. He knew that they weren't real, that she'd never say any of it, but he wanted so badly to see her, to hear her, that he didn't care. He wanted to see her look at him, even with hatred in her eyes; For her to touch him even if her touches hurt.

So, somehow, in the midst of his worries and his fears and while his heart weakened dreadfully, that love which resided within it that belonged to her and only her, grew.

He wanted her to yell at him, to hit him for being an idiot, to call him one too. He wanted to watch her collect her shells, to listen to her complain about how she'd never have enough space in her satchel to carry them all, and how she'd tell him to pick up the ones she couldn't carry herself and get annoyed at him when he picked up the wrong ones. He wanted to hear her almost silent humming, a sound only made when she was deep in concentration. — He wanted her to be there when he woke up, too. It was selfish of him, as he of course knew that she'd stay awake until she was sure he was sleeping soundly, but he missed it; Her. That was all.

He just wanted her.

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His mother told him that it was too dangerous to go out looking for her; His father following suit by telling him that she could handle herself. They claimed it was Tonowari's order, that the warriors had to locate the ship before they could plan anything further. — But, the deluded mind that had taken shape inside Lo'ak's head started to think; Its conclusion being: 'It's not that they don't have enough resources to find the ship, it's that they don't want to waste what they do have on Ni'teya's life.'

He resented them for it; His parents as well as the army. He felt that if he'd been allowed to go out looking, or just to help in even the smallest of ways, Ni'teya would've been home a long time ago. That resentment he felt for himself didn't leave, either. Despite blaming the people around him, he blamed himself most of all.

Another thing that scared him was that he didn't know what she was thinking; 'It could be anything', he thought. 'She could already hate me... And, if she did, I wouldn't blame her for it.'

But, blocking out all the negative stigmas, the noisy words in his head, one thing became ultimately clear to him. — One day, the final day of the month, Lo'ak was sat up on his hammock as the moon reached the peak of the sky, thinking. He looked across the hut towards her hammock, empty. He turned to find her pile of things, clutter, that was neatly tidied beside her hammock. That wasn't natural.

One could say he was lucky in that moment; Lucky because Ni'teya wasn't there to talk sense into him about what he was going to do.

Lo'ak had had enough of waiting.

Without a second thought, with nothing other than his scheme writing itself inside his head, he started to acquire his weapons. First, a small-ish hunting knife. Second, a larger blade attached to a larger piece of bark, something he'd crafted whilst he was bored. Third, the final weapon he deemed necessary to carry with him, a gun; The only problem was that he didn't have it yet.

He knew Jake kept a few of them inside his hut for safety reasons, as well as the fact Tonowari refused to keep guns in his weaponry. So, that's exactly where the boy went. — Lo'ak tip-toed inside Jake's hut, creeping towards the far end of the hut as that was where all the boxes were. He then checked a few of them before hitting his jackpot.

This could possibly have been the first time Lo'ak had tried to be stealthy and succeeded.

On his way out, having collected a singular gun, he stopped beside his dad's hammock. He only looked, the quiet cascading over him as he did so. It was like a silent 'sorry', in some ways. The need to save Ni'teya much outweighed his need to listen to his parents; He didn't feel like he should apologize to them however he couldn't help but understand why they'd done what they had.

Then, he left for the sea...

...Thinking he was by himself.

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