Hanging by a Moment [Completed]

Obvious

Obvious

Peyton had always thought it was pointless to dress in all black – ‘who’d decided black means sorrow, anyway?’ was always his counter - but Sarah had insisted I dress up and given how upset she was, I hadn’t put up much of an argument.

As for myself, I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything, like I was indifferent. Which I wasn’t, honestly, but I will admit that I did not feel any active grief…if that makes sense. And so I wordlessly stared at the freshly dug up mound of earth and allowed the water to trickle down my face. 

Yes, it was only supposed to happen in movies and TV shows, but at this funeral, it was raining. And just like in the movies, it only served to intensify the sobriety of the atmosphere.

It was then that I realized that Sarah was sniffling again. Moving instinctively, I stepped closer to her and put my arm around her. “Jayden…”

 “Hey, listen, it’s okay…”

“I wish this hadn’t happened,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I know, I know, but it did, Sarah. So be strong now,” I told her, rubbing her shoulder now.

“But he was so young!”

“I know, I know - but he’s in a better place now, alright? Think about that.”

Now, obviously, I only said it to make her feel better – it would have been consoling, in my opinion, but it wasn’t. The tears only rolled down her cheeks faster.

Way to go, Jayden.

“It’s so unfair! Maybe-” she turned to look at me directly, “maybe if I’d stuck around, and been there, or-”

“Hey, no, listen, it’s not your fault,” I told her, “There’s nothing you could have done about it, so don’t beat yourself up over it.”

She blinked.

“And I think you should come on in now. You’re going to get sick if we stick around in the rain.”

Sarah opened her mouth as though to argue, but she shut it again and nodded. Taking her by the hand, I led her in.

*

“So, everything go okay?”

“Yeah, just fine.”

Judging by the way his face fell, I could tell he’d misunderstood her response – and I’ll needlessly comment that given how her mood had been, it was understandable.  “I’m really sorry I couldn’t help you guys dig the grave or anything, I-”

“We know, Peyton. You can’t really handle a shovel when you have a broken wrist, and you couldn’t come out because your cast would get wet,” Sarah interrupted, sighing, “and when I said ‘just fine’ it wasn’t that I was mad at you or anything.”

He was relieved. “Oh, okay. Sorry.”

“And now why are you apologizing?”

“I sort of annoyed you,” he replied meekly, “and I’m sorry.”

If I’d ever had any doubt about girls being wired differently to boys, and Sarah’s actions and reactions hadn’t cleared it already, it was cleared then. Sarah glared at Peyton for a moment, then smiled. We exchanged confused glances.

“Uh, Sarah?” he asked, still hesitant. Again, I’ll mention that this was with good reason. We weren’t very good with dealing with upset females, and yes, an upset, raging Sarah was somewhat terrifying.

“You know I’ll get over Kane’s death, right? I mean, I know he was just a newborn kitten, but…I’ll be fine! You don’t need to act like there’s glass everywhere.”