Dont know anymore (complete)

10

I've been dealing with last minute prep to make sure everything was ready for Jacky. I wanted to do something with Jax's name. so I did the girl version of his full name.

which he liked very much. 

So I had did a whole putting her name up on the wall with cute marble letters. 

After I had made sure that everything was set and ready for Jacky to arrive.

so while I had waited and was on maternity I spent a great majority of my time with Abel which time Gemma wasn't watching him.

When I was alone I'd spend time at the clubhouse with Jax.

Which is where I am right now eight months pregnant.

I sat on the couch with Chibs and them talking about different things.

"so everything is ready to go for Jacky?" Opie asked as he came and sat across from me.

"yeah everything is good and ready for her" I replied

"do you ever go there?" he asked

I didn't say anything cause I know what he's meaning. I just gave a small nod before I slowly got up and walked off.

"I'm sorry," he says

I waved him off before I headed to Jax's room and sat on the bed and softly cried.

"what's wrong baby? Chibs told me Opie asked you if you still go somewhere and then you walked off" he says

"Opie asked if I ever go to our baby's grave that I miscarried all those years ago before I left" I replied 

He knelt before me and wiped my eyes.

"awe. baby, I'm so sorry," he says 

"I had feared that I would miscarry. but I reminded myself that I need to keep myself calm, not stressed, not worried, or anything that would affect this pregnancy. but I had often thought about my very first pregnancy and tried to find out what I had possibly done so that I didnt repeat it." I confess

"and there isn't anything too wrong about that," he says

I sighed.

"you okay now?"  he asked

"yeah.. I'm sorry about that" I say

he brushed some of my hair back and cupped my cheek. 

"you've got absolutely nothing to apologize for." he assures me

I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer nuzling my face in his neck.

"I am so damn thankful that you are in my life. I'd feel so damn lost and lonely if you wasn't" I tell him

"I'm not always the greatest person in the world but when I'm with you I always seem to do things right" He says

"so we are great for each other" I say

"seems so " he says as he holds me close.

"I'm perfectly fine with that" I say

"so am  I" he says