The Complications Of Loving The Opposite Sexes

What I Wish

Ethan.

Ethan.

Ethan?!

"Ethan?!" my voice shakes as I whisper harshly. "What on earth are you doing here?" To make matters worse, I point to him. "Outside my window?"

Ethan Stupid Rivers widens his eyes in fear and all I can think of is, yes, be scared because you really hurt me.

But I could already tell what would happen the moment that the dumb idea popped into my head. I'm ugly, so of course he wouldn't want to be seen with me! And no wonder Jake doesn't like me either, I bet he also doesn't want to be my friend...

"I wanted to..." Ethan snaps me from my thoughts. "I wanted to... to... you know?" He stutters, leaving with me to answer.

I only furrow my eyebrows together in confusion and anger. "No. No I don't know." I roll my eyes and walk away from my window a little, crossing my arms. "Could you clue me in?" I speak cruelly, my words harsh and filled with frustration.

Ethan looks anywhere but at me, "can I come in?"

I contemplate for a few seconds then huff. "Fine," I open the window wider and allow him to enter. "But now you better answer me. Why are you here?"

"B-because," he bites his bottom lip, and I look away. Why are my cheeks blushing? "B-because..."

"Never mind. You don't need to answer that question.

Ethan lets out a large breath of air, his expression relieved. "Thank goodness," he whispers under his breath.

I roll my eyes and sit down on my bed. "Listen, Ethan. I understand that you hate me- even though that doesn't explain why you're here- but wether you apologize or not, I won't forgive you." I watch as his jaw drops. "Today is an emotional day and I'm supposed to be spending it with Jake." I blush furiously.

A smirk portrays' Ethan's face, and I watch him stare at me sneakily. "Yeah, it would be a shame if he found out." A sharp feeling hits my chest and I start to panic. He's not going to do it... right? He's not that cruel?

"W-what are you hinting here...?"

Ethan joins me on my bed, sliding down slowly. "Nothing, all I'm saying is that if Jake ever finds out- accidentally I suppose- your life might be ruined. Or at least, your friendship."

What if he did find out? Would he still want to be with me? Would he stop talking to me?

Shaking my head to get rid of the dreadful thoughts, I take the problem at hand. And that problem is so Ethan. "You're different," I stare slowly, eyeing him up in a way of making me seem confident. He struggles to answer but I cut him off. "You've always seemed to be shy and slow... yet... you aren't."

He stares at me, his gaze hard. "You proving things won't stop me from telling Jake." He spits, walking back to my window. He steps onto my roof and then looks back at me, a cold glare blaming me. "You got one week, Cinder." And off he jumps.

One week... Stupid Jerk!

•

"Why are you crying?"

I wiped my eyes and stared at a young boy my age. Nothing exited my mouth, I was too afraid to speak.

"It's okay," the young boy smiled and reached out his hand for me to grab, but I coward away.  "Go on, hold it."

A feeling of trust invaded my body and I found myself holding his hand, finding out that I liked his smile, and realized that he was someone that I never wanted to let go of.

The reason I help his hand was too far to answer, there were no conclusions for anything. But I fell in love by holding his hand, and I found my prince.

 -

"Are you ready?" Jake asks silently, staring at me intensely. "If you don't want to, I understand and-"

"No," I cut him off, fighting back tears as I unbuckle my seat belt. "I'm ready to do this. After all, this isn't the first time this has happened."

We exit the car and I take in my surroundings. Carved stones lie upwards in the ground, flowers dying beside them and people crying near them. We walk through the pavement together, my hand in his and my heart beating harshly. Tears pool in my eyes and I can't seem to stop them from falling.

"Julia," he whispers next to me, and I turn to face him. "Go on, cry." he urges and the damn tears escape freely, no longer help captive by emotions and thoughts. Sobs join as well as we get closer, and my mind plays back to the bittersweet memories like a movie.

Once we reach the grave, I crash to my knees and burry my face in my hands. I cry louder and louder as it all comes back, striking me straight in the heart. "I-I," I stutter, liquids falling from me. "I can't do this."

I must be even more ugly by now, with my nose red and running and my eyes puffing. I don't know why Jake never leaves me, I'm a mess all the time and everywhere I go seems to make me tear up.

Jake sits beside me and does something that I never imagined that he'd do. "Hey there, Caroline." He talks cheerfully, and I freeze and stare at him.

He's looking at her grave, talking to her like they've been friends for years. I thought that he'd only comfort me, but I guess talking to her comforts me some more and gives me a strike of courage.

"How's everything going?" He questions to the stone as if it would answer. "I'm here with Julia, if you couldn't tell." His arm wraps around my shoulders and he brings me closer. "Well obviously you can tell. I mean, who forgets what their sister looks like, huh?"

I decide to place tulips on the grass, seeing that this might be a good moment to. "Caroline," I say; but I don't want to say anything. "Where are you?" I don't want to know, I don't want to talk, I just want to listen to Jake. "I know you can't answer me but I hope you can see me, if there is a heaven out there." Stop talking. "It's been a while since I've last spoken with you. Well, only a year. I'm a senior now and Tyler failed a grade, so he's with me." I don't look at Tyler after saying that. "I'm not sure why he failed, he's not dumb." Physically, yes. Mentally, no. "And now he's in my class because he hospitalized his teacher. We haven't been getting along. I don't know if he loves me-"

"He does," Jake interrupts.

"But it's hard to tell, and I wish he'd tell me so." Soft tears leave my eyes, but I don't feel them falling. "I love him though, and I love you."

I continue talking to her for hours, still hearing no responses. I know she won't answer, she's dead anyway. She's dead anyway. Oh how I wish those words weren't true.

 "Julia, you should say goodbye. It's getting dark and you haven't had dinner yet." Jake mumbles sweetly after he sees me only staring at the grave with nothing else to say.

I stand, gliding my hand on the cold stone and giving it a small kiss. "Good bye, Caroline."

As we walk back to the car, my heart once again feels empty inside. It feels that something is missing, and that something is my sister, Caroline Violet Cinder.

***

allow me to present, caroline.

this chapter is late... and i'm kinda sorry about that. but i don't have schedules that tell me when to update, and I was lacking in stuff.

but yeah... bye and have a nice day/night.

- han .