Star Side

Chapter 40

Gilrack wasn't sleeping well.

He knew it was stress. Even in normal circumstances an expecting mate was stressful even for the calmest of males. It didn't matter how many times they were reassured that young were stronger than they thought, instincts could drive one mad.

But the lack of sleep made it even more difficult for Gilrack. It made it harder to focus on what he could do, made it harder to keep his instincts in check, which he knew he desperately had to keep up with to live among the divine beings. He knew they still allowed him place reluctantly as the outsider he was.

Fatigue made his limbs ache and his stomach roll. He tried to fly more often in the bright dome of their plants and food stuffs, but he couldn't stay far from her for long. And the nights away from her, in his own den, were growing longer and longer.

He'd already been half-mad when he begged her to let him groom her. In his right mind he would have backed off with profuse apologies the moment she'd said that only their mates were allowed to see them naked, but his instincts, abused by a lack of meat to hunt, a lack of touch, a lack of sleep, and a lack of holding and mating and overall providing, were overpowering.

The relief cleaning her beautiful, soft, pale body gave didn't fix anything, but it was the only balm he'd had since the day they'd mated. He was almost tempted to give in and press her close, lay her down, spread her out, and retract his drawer. She was his. Her scent sang of it along with the sweetness of their young. It was agony not to partake of that.

But he had to convince her before the eggs came, before she realized...

"Be my mate?" he asked.

Those heavy, dark eyelashes, rimmed with water from her raining bath contraption, fluttered. She made an odd squawking sound, all in her throat, and her mind waves crashed with confusion.

His heart trembled with fear, but his instincts screamed louder.

He lowered his head to meet her eyes with his. He pulled back his mental defenses so she could feel all of him—all of his sincerity.

"Be my mate? Marry?"

She stared at him hard. Her mind's waves flip flopped like a fish in a whirlpool.

That wasn't a good sign.

She abruptly stood up.

"Hell no. Freak, fuck, I don't even—Levi was right—"

"No?" It felt like his very reality was cracking. He couldn't breathe.

"I didn't even know—I didn't even—look, there are procedures to this! A check list, like-like actually knowing if we're compatible that way and—ack—Gilrack! You're an alien!"

He didn't know what that had to do with any of this, but since it was the word they most often used for his kind, he assumed she meant divine beings and earthly beings couldn't be together, though it must be cultural/traditional because he knew, physically, it was completely possible and very compatible.

But she wasn't making much sense outside that. Maybe she meant courtship? Though he'd already asked about that and their suggestions had been vague at best. Give gifts, prove yourself, 'romance,' he'd done all he could.

The flip-flopping of her mind waves suddenly blazed with distress and humiliation, sending his already sensitive instincts into a panic. His spines went straight, his hair rose, his fangs lengthened for a fight.

"What wrong?" he couldn't help the way his voice rose.

She covered herself with her arms, her face flushing red. "You—you can see me, I didn't—I only agreed to this because I didn't think—"