You Just Don't Get It

6.

Derek was trying to help Meredith feel better but he couldn't think of what to do.

Her infection hadn't gotten better in the past few days but I also hadn't gotten worse.

They were still thinking on names but they couldn't seem to settle on just one.

Derek had suggested multiple names but she didn't like any of them. She said they had no meaning to them.

So he started thinking of some names with meanings.

He suggested his fathers name, Christopher. She said she liked it but she wasn't sure if it would suit their son.

Maybe for a middle name she said because it was also Derek's middle name.

But He wanted to focus on Meredith right now, and getting her better so they could go home.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked ad he sat down in the chair next to her.

"About what?" She asked tiredly. She hadn't gotten out of bed in days and it only made her more tired than she already was, she was rarely awake and when she was it was for exams and caring for the baby.

"Anything. How you feel?" He offered.

"About what?"

"Just in general, how do you feel? Angry, upset, scared, any emotion," he said.

"Annoyed, I don't like talking about my feelings, especially with someone who doesn't care," she rolled her eyes.

"Meredith... you know I care about you more than anyone in the world.. I wouldn't be here if I didn't care.. if you're not going to talk to a therapist please talk to me,"

"I don't know what to say, I don't really think about it that much.. I try not to think about it.. I don't really feel anything... helpless maybe? I can't do anything for him.. I'm his mother, it's my job to protect him and I can't even figure out a damn name for him... I told the nurses I wanted to breast feed but every time he's away in the nursery for a bit when he comes back and I try to feed him he's not hungry and he has a full diaper.. they won't let me feed my own kid because they think I'm not capable of doing the bare minimum for my own baby... everyone just does what they want with my kid and I have to sit here in this stupid hospital bed and there's nothing I can do about it, they don't care what I want for my child, they just do what they want, and it's not their right because it's my damn kid!" Tears filled her eyes as she went on, leaning back onto the hospital bed and turning to the side so Derek wouldn't see the tears.

"You told them you wanted to breast feed and they're feeding him formula?" He asked.

"Yes! And then when we go home he'll be accustomed to the bottle and formula and every time I try feeding him he won't eat and then he'll have to starve and he'll become underweight and then they'll blame me saying it's my fault for not feeding my son!" She cried.

"Meredith, honey, you're reading into it too much.. I'll tell the nurses that you strictly want to breastfeed and don't want him getting used to formula.. they might have to wake you up a few times during the day and night but I'll make sure they do it... he won't become underweight and we'll figure out a name for him, okay, I promise you he won't go nameless," he told her softly. He stood up and pulled down the side bar in the bed and sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist so she was leaning on him slightly.

"It was easy with Zola, she came with a name and everything," she waved her hand as tears starter to fall. She thought the pregnancy hormones were horrible but now she had to deal with the after birth hormones, they made her cry all the time even over the smallest of things.

"I know, I know," he whispered pulling her close into his chest. He gently rubbed her arm as his arm was still around her, he used his other arm to caress her cheek before kissing the top of her head, he hated seeing her in so much pain, especially when they should be at home enjoying their new little family, but of course the world had to punish her again when she was the last person who deserved it.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this when we get home, I can hardly even feed my own child, how am I supposed to do it full time?" She sniffled as she started to calm down, Derek continued rubbing her arm, soothing her gradually.

"You're not doing it alone, Zolas an angel so she won't be much work and I'll help you with the baby, I'll do most of the work so you can get the rest you need," he spoke.

"I don't want you to do most of the work, I'm his mother, every child needs a present mother... I need to be the mother I never had," she adjusted herself a bit so she was leaning comfortably against Derek's chest, letting all her weight on him.

"You already are," he kissed her forehead. "And you've already done so much, you carried him inside you for nine months and got cut open to bring him here, I'll never be able to repay you for giving me the two best kids in the world... I couldn't ask for a better wife because there isn't one that exists,"

"My hormones are bad enough I don't want to cry anymore," she sobbed into his chest once again.

"I'm sorry baby, I won't," he chuckled, hugging her while rubbing her back.

"Don't call me that," she cried.

"Okay baby," he pressed his head against hers.

She slapped him on the chest once before wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly, sobbing softly.

"Shh, shh, you're okay.. you're okay, you're safe.. I've got you," he whispered in her ear as he slowly rocked her back and forth.

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Words: 1025

I'm honestly so surprised I updated this story. If you have suggestions let me know!