south park x reader (crackfic / textfic)

31.3k special🤭

The now adult Kyle, stan and cartman sat on the steps of the church, cartman was the first to speak up "Hey, have any of you heard from y/n, I recently remembered them when I was praying at church and I often wondered what happened to them"  cartman pointed out. Kyle tsked and looked at him "Well after we graduated y/n became a senior, and after that they graduated with honors, they moved out of South park with their baby sister and cut contact with their parents, haven't heard from them since then, assuming they're either dead or having a good life" kyle answer with a flat tone. Stan rises his glass, that was full of whisky,  up to his lips before speaking "their probably fucking dead, you know how they were, always doing something to get in trouble" stan said drinking the whole cup in one gulp, a voice rung out from behind them "Well shit, I use to be that bad huh?" It called out. Kyle stiffened up and turned his head to look at the person "y/n?" He said is slight shock. The person nodded and sat down with the men, stan gave them a side glance and looked away, Kyle smiled awkwardly at the adult, and cartman smiled friendly at them "y/n it's so nice to see you, how's life, have a husband or wife? Any kids?" Cartman asked. The adult gave him a strange look "why are you being so nice, where's the asshole I knew before leaving South park?" They said suspiciously, cartman laughed and waved his hand in dismisson "I'm a changed man y/n, I have a wife and kids, I'm also a pastor at my church" he stated, y/n raised their brows "is that so? Never would have expected- IS THAT A TRADITIONAL JEWISH HAT? NO FUCKING WAY DUDE" y/n grabbed cartmans hair, mostly because they were sitting above him, and pulled his head up, cartman groaned in pain as he looked up at them, he just smiled an nodded. Kyle jumped in "THATS WHAT I FUCKING SAID, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT, ERIC CARTMEN A JEWISH MAN" Kyle yelled in protest at cartman being Jewish, y/n shook their head and let go of cartman "goddamm, I leave for  10 years and I come back to kenny dead, stan an alcoholic, kyle....is kyle and goddamm Eric cartmen is a Jewish man, ive missed this town so fucking much" they said and laughed, soon the other three joined in, y/n began to snort as they laughed. Kyle stiffened at the snorts then paused for a moment, then pointed at y/n and laughed "you still snort- HA" he laughed, y/n pushed his finger and pointed back "your still Ginger, asshole" they snort, stan jumps in "you guys remember when y/n splashed chicken soup or us, we smelled for the whole day!" Stan laughed harder, y/n snorted harder "you guys remember when I dyed my hair blue by accident, it was stuck like that for a whole month And to make me feel better kenny dyed his red!" They said then stopped abruptly, y/n looked down and frowned "kenny did a lot for me didn't he, you all did, God I'm such an asshole for leaving and not talking to you all after I left" they Said groaning. Kyle's Laugh slowed down as he put a hand on their sholder "it's fine dude, and besides after we graduated high school we all started drifting off into our own lives, I mean by the time you graduated we weren't even talking anymore" he assured them, the adult sighed "I mean what even happened after high school man, I know I started to fight back against my shitty parents but i have no idea what you guys were up too" they said in seriousness, stan tsked catching the twos attention "I started dating someone, cartmen moved away, and kyle was still stuck over you, well I mean we all were but kyle was in love or something, he couldn't get over you man, he said that you two drifted apart and it'd be weird if you started talking again, if you ask me he just pussyed out" he said lighting his cigarette, kyle punched his arm "I was not you asshole!" He said, y/n raised a brow "that's right, almost all of you had crushes on me, i can't believe that, I was so weird back then!" They said ruffling stans hair "ain't that right mister i love dongs" they said suddenly. Stan practically inhaled his cigarette at the nick name by accident, he coughed out smok as he threw the cigarette away "you remember that, what the fuck" he said in between coughs, cartman hollered with laughter falling back onto the step above him and to y/ns feet, and kyle tried holding his back, but he failed and joined cartman, stan glared at kyle "what are you laughing about Green hat hoe" he said. Kyle paused and looked at stan "whatever" he said Cartman pointedat kyle and laughed harder. Another voice called from out from behind them "Hey y/n come look at this man" it said. Y/n stood up "give me a second tweek, hey guys I gotta go, it was nice catching up" they said they gave a hand shake to all of them, then walked back into the church. The tree watched as they disappeared into the crowd of old faces along with new ones, cartman then look at kyle and then over at stan "....don't tell me you just fell for them all over again" he said, kyle jumped up "SHUT UP YOU FATASS" he yelled, stan joined in "YES FATTSSS, BUZZ OFF" he yell aswell. Cartman jumped up "I'M NOT FAT I'M BIG BONED" he yelled at the two, kyle raised a brow "would you rather we call you a Dyslexic motherfucker?" He asked