A New Start // xiaoven / xiao x venti // mordern AU

chapter 6 ⚠TW: SH⚠

⚠TW: selfharm⚠

venti's POV:

i was standing outside of a graveyard.. it was my best friend's funeral, the sun was shinning which made me a little happier. it is said that when the sun is shinning on a funeral, that heaven is warmly waiting for the deceased.

i was the last one there, since the funeral was already over, but i told him all the stories about me and xiao's adventure since i didnt tell them all before he took his last breath. i gently placed down the fresh cecilias at his grave, he allways like cecilias he said it was his favorite.

i could feel tears stream down my cheecks from my now red and puffed eyes. i havent counted how many times ive felt this way today, but i just cant face it, i dont want to belive my best friend is dead. it just seems, unreal.

my body was shaking, and more warm tears started falling down my cold cheeks. it was getting a little windy and cold but the sun was still shinning as bright as my friend. i dont know how long ive been here but the sun was already beginning to set down.

i slowly stood up on my shaky feets and started to walk home, the streets wasnt as crowded as earlier this afternoon. i admired the green trees and its leaves in the breeze. it didnt take long before i was home, i lock the door and rushed to my room.

now that i think about it I don't think i have eaten today, but that doesnt matter, I don't have the apetite right now. i crashed down on my bed and thoughts began to flood through my mind. it cant be real, this is just a horrible nightmare, right?..

but thats just what i thought, it was all real, my best friends cold, liveless body at the hospital. i took a quick glance at my phone, and just as i had expected, no new messages. i wonder how many days it will take for someone to ask me how im doing.

the sunset turned into a beatiful nighttsky shimmering through my window, the wind was breezing through the windows and the curtains flew the same direction as the wind.my body was spread like a star on my bed, as i stared at the celling.

i saw a hook at the corner of my bedroom celling, 'just a rope and it would be complete' a voice said, not long after another voice spoke 'no, stop overreacting just because your best friend died.' i sat up, feeling numb. i looked over and saw my desk with blank papers, a pen and eraser. 'go on, its your opportunity, write a letter to those you hold dear, and end it.' the voice said again, and i stared blankly at the desk.

'ew, no stop it your just seeking attention.' suddenly i felt something trigger inside of me as it felt like the two voices was in war, one of them began talking about if anyone would care if i died and the other said i was overreacting, sure that might be true. but as the panic rised a loud voice suddenly spoke and repeated itself 'find. something. sharp' it repeated over and over as i looked around the room for something, the voices was getting louder.

i checked my desk and then drawers. i found a safety needle in my drawer. i quickly took it and sat at my bed. i opened the safety needle and began sliching my wrist, it hurt but wasnt so deep. i've never done this before but i continued because the voices quieted down by each cut.

before i knew it i could feel something dripping on my leg, and i looked at my wrist. the cuts were deep, and the red liquid flowed slowly, it was somehow amusing, i looked at my legs, and the voice spoke 'cut it..' i didnt do anything but just looked 'slice it..' it spoke again, sooner enough the voices became louder, repeating the same 'Cut. it.' over and over 'cut it. slice it.'

i slowly greased my pants up to my knees, and began slicing and cutting my legs, it hurt. i looked down at the mess i made and slowly became tired. the voices stopped speaking and didnt care if my wounds bleeded out, i felt disgusted. my stomach didnt have a pleasing feeling, but just looking at it slowly running down my legs, and wrists, was amusing, i dont know why.

i was tired, exhausted but i didnt wanna wake up to a bloody bed so i got up from my bed and took a shower, i looked it the mirror and i seemed pale, it might just be me, i thought. i turned on the water and took my clothes off.

i walked into the shower and felt the cuts burning, i just stood there feeling the water fall down. i looked down at the floor and looked at the bloody water slowly flood down the drains. i turned off the water and walked out the shower cabin, and dried my body.

i took my pjamas on and laid down on tḿy bed and burried myself in the warm covers. i looked out the beatiful nightsky shinning through my medium window. the scars were burning, but i was tired. i looked over at the desk and saw the empty sheets of paper, the pen and eraser. and i thought once again 'would anyone care, nor even notice if i was just suddenly... gone?' my thoughts wandrered around.

i focused once again and the window, and the stars shimmering through it. and i wondered..

i wonder how (nameless bard) is doing..

_______________________

this book is as dead as my life-

anyway so here is the angst, if anyone was waiting for it-
but anyway
if you feel this way please seek a guardian, close friend, or relative.
its allways good to let out your feelings, its not good to just bottle it all out because in the end it will get worse and worse till you cant handle it anymore and it might end up in.. you know.

if you dont have anyone to speak to, but need to let it out my discord is 

Poe#1324
or dm me

Words: 1037 (danganronpa fans here it is)